Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your family routine as normal for cooking and shopping.

You almost have to have the mindset of being a single parent for the next week b/c your DH will be busy waiting hand & foot on his parents and totally making them feel comfortable, etc. and not be much of a help at all with parenting duties.

You know your toddler isn't going to eat brats & sauerkrat for dinner for the next 5 nights so just make something you and the kid will eat. Stop at the store on your way back from work to pick up needed items, etc.
Like I said, just think of it as solo parenting for the next few days.

But I’m the one waiting hand and foot. I’m cooking, doing the extra cleaning and laundry, etc., so they can visit. I’m up long before everyone, making sure the kitchen is clean, bathrooms are stocked, and the coffee and breakfast are ready. I’m also watching DD most of the time, other than when they want to take her to the park. I stepped out to take the garbage out the other night and 3 adults totally lost track of her, even though I said I was stepping outside for 5minutes,

Don't expect them to look after your child. If you need to leave her, say in a clear loud voice in front of everyone, "I'm going out for x minutes. DH, I would like you to watch her the whole time I'm gone."

WTF?

This is why OP is so annoyed. If I had to remind my husband to not lose my baby while I took the trash out, he would be getting the riot act. This is obnoxious behavior. You can’t just decide that you are doing zero parenting because you have guests.

I’m curious what losing track of a toddler inside your home where your toddler lives looks like. Did she unlock the front door and wander into oncoming traffic, or did she go play in the playroom and DH wasn’t quite sure where she went? Did she go get a sharp knife and decide to slice up some peaches because she was starving from only having German food or did she go read a book in her room?

Also, I get complaining if he insisted you go get some stoneware mugs out of storage, but if he got mugs they like on his own, that’s just being a good host. My parents drink lots of soda. They only drink out of individual bottles. I’m not sure what size, maybe 12-16 oz. We don’t drink that. If we do get soda on a rare occasion, we get a 2L and drink it in glasses with ice and a reusable straw. When my parents visit, I don’t tell them to suck it up because when in Rome... I buy the bottles in the size and deal with the tiny inconvenience of having those bottles in my fridge and losing the space to something silly like that. It bugs DH that there’s so much extra waste, but he understands that when we host, we should cater to our guests’ preferences to a certain extent. Like bottles vs. glasses or stoneware vs. glass mugs.

Anonymous wrote:I’m really trying to be charitable, but my normally, well, normal, DH has completely regressed into some kind of child with the ILs visiting. He refuses to set boundaries or “inconvenience” them in any way. This goes from me putting out mugs he decided they would think we’re “weird” and changing them (clear glass to regular stoneware), changing the radio station to their kind of music (in a language I don’t understand), choosing only activities that they may like (I understand this one). I’m working today, so they went shopping, but came home with only enough meat for two people, while there is four adults and a ravenous toddler, because “they don’t eat much”. Rather than top up the meat they DID get, DH didn’t do anything, and then got mad at me for suggesting we make something in addition. Then, he planned the next 5 days of food to reflect what they eat, rather than what we eat as a family (I’ve been making a mixture of both). I do all the cooking, and have no desire to feed a toddler sauerkraut and different sausages for the next week, and nor do I want to. Now I’ll be making two meals and dealing with the stink eye that I’m not playing along. It’s just like with them here, he’s forgotten he’s an independent adult and he just goes along with anything that will make them happy, even if it makes DD an I uncomfortable.

I know I can work around it, and just suck it up for the next week, but I hate when they visit, because he turns totally into a different person.

Can anyone commiserate?

Anonymous wrote:Um...

He sounds like he is being a good host and adulting.

You sound like you are tantruming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your family routine as normal for cooking and shopping.

You almost have to have the mindset of being a single parent for the next week b/c your DH will be busy waiting hand & foot on his parents and totally making them feel comfortable, etc. and not be much of a help at all with parenting duties.

You know your toddler isn't going to eat brats & sauerkrat for dinner for the next 5 nights so just make something you and the kid will eat. Stop at the store on your way back from work to pick up needed items, etc.
Like I said, just think of it as solo parenting for the next few days.

But I’m the one waiting hand and foot. I’m cooking, doing the extra cleaning and laundry, etc., so they can visit. I’m up long before everyone, making sure the kitchen is clean, bathrooms are stocked, and the coffee and breakfast are ready. I’m also watching DD most of the time, other than when they want to take her to the park. I stepped out to take the garbage out the other night and 3 adults totally lost track of her, even though I said I was stepping outside for 5minutes,

Don't expect them to look after your child. If you need to leave her, say in a clear loud voice in front of everyone, "I'm going out for x minutes. DH, I would like you to watch her the whole time I'm gone."

WTF?

This is why OP is so annoyed. If I had to remind my husband to not lose my baby while I took the trash out, he would be getting the riot act. This is obnoxious behavior. You can’t just decide that you are doing zero parenting because you have guests.

Anonymous wrote:Just commiserating OP. And at least your DH regresses in a way that indicates thoughtfulness towards his parents. My DH makes his mom wash his laundry, and cook him his favorite foods, and rub his stomach because he ate too much :cringe:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your family routine as normal for cooking and shopping.

You almost have to have the mindset of being a single parent for the next week b/c your DH will be busy waiting hand & foot on his parents and totally making them feel comfortable, etc. and not be much of a help at all with parenting duties.

You know your toddler isn't going to eat brats & sauerkrat for dinner for the next 5 nights so just make something you and the kid will eat. Stop at the store on your way back from work to pick up needed items, etc.
Like I said, just think of it as solo parenting for the next few days.

But I’m the one waiting hand and foot. I’m cooking, doing the extra cleaning and laundry, etc., so they can visit. I’m up long before everyone, making sure the kitchen is clean, bathrooms are stocked, and the coffee and breakfast are ready. I’m also watching DD most of the time, other than when they want to take her to the park. I stepped out to take the garbage out the other night and 3 adults totally lost track of her, even though I said I was stepping outside for 5minutes,

Don't expect them to look after your child. If you need to leave her, say in a clear loud voice in front of everyone, "I'm going out for x minutes. DH, I would like you to watch her the whole time I'm gone."

WTF?

This is why OP is so annoyed. If I had to remind my husband to not lose my baby while I took the trash out, he would be getting the riot act. This is obnoxious behavior. You can’t just decide that you are doing zero parenting because you have guests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to step up as host/food provider and you need to unclench about décor and radio stations.

Also I think you might want to offer the toddler some of their preferred food--you know, just in case toddler likes it!

I am offering. She will eat some, but I like a more rounded diet for her.

Like I said, I am mixing up what I am making. One night “our” food, one night “theirs”.But the next week, apparently I am making German food only.

Why do you allow your DH to have so much power over you? You're the one cooking the dinner. You can't stop him cooking his own dinner, but you can refuse to cook it. Does DH earn all the money? Any other reason you think he's the boss?

It’s not a fight I’m interesting in having while we have guests. I’m just frustrated that he’s totally become incompetent. I do want him to visit with them, as they don’t visit often, but I’m just tired of it being a one way show, and him stomping his feet when I ask that my needs also be met. It’s not worth a blowout at this point, though. Maybe when they leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your family routine as normal for cooking and shopping.

You almost have to have the mindset of being a single parent for the next week b/c your DH will be busy waiting hand & foot on his parents and totally making them feel comfortable, etc. and not be much of a help at all with parenting duties.

You know your toddler isn't going to eat brats & sauerkrat for dinner for the next 5 nights so just make something you and the kid will eat. Stop at the store on your way back from work to pick up needed items, etc.
Like I said, just think of it as solo parenting for the next few days.

But I’m the one waiting hand and foot. I’m cooking, doing the extra cleaning and laundry, etc., so they can visit. I’m up long before everyone, making sure the kitchen is clean, bathrooms are stocked, and the coffee and breakfast are ready. I’m also watching DD most of the time, other than when they want to take her to the park. I stepped out to take the garbage out the other night and 3 adults totally lost track of her, even though I said I was stepping outside for 5minutes,

Don't expect them to look after your child. If you need to leave her, say in a clear loud voice in front of everyone, "I'm going out for x minutes. DH, I would like you to watch her the whole time I'm gone."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, if they only live two hours away from you, why are they staying for a week?

To spend time with DD, Of course. DH is on vacation. We usually rent a cottage, but I couldn’t get the time off work this year.

If DH Is on vacation, and you are working, you shouldn’t have to lift a damn finger. Stop with the getting up early and let DH cope with all this. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

+1

Why ARE you lifting a finger, OP?