Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife has a communication style issue. Is she politely advocating for herself first and then getting mad or is she communicating poorly and then exploding when no one read her mind?

The paint thing sounds like the leasing office didn’t understand the question. They thought she was worried about being charged and she wants her wall to look nice.

At the restaurant did she flag someone down and get a milk and bread for the kid? Waitstaff can’t read minds and many parents bring snacks for their kids.

If this is a recent change, I would think about hormone changes. You have a toddler. Did she recently wean from breastfeeding or pumping? That can cause some extreme emotional swings for a few weeks. I know it caught me by surprise. Is she using hormonal birth control? I had a lot of anger issues with a widely used BC pill and I thought I was going crazy.

Op here: She did not get bread but she did get one tiny appetizer. It was a Spanish tapas restaurant. Apparently my wife said I would be joining and she told the waiter she had questions about the menu. He said he would be right with her. She waited 20 minutes and then started to leave the restaurant. The waiter saw her and she asked for the check. The manager came over and made a big deal about everything. They begged her to stay. Next thing I know tons of tapas we did not order showed up at the table!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife has a communication style issue. Is she politely advocating for herself first and then getting mad or is she communicating poorly and then exploding when no one read her mind?

The paint thing sounds like the leasing office didn’t understand the question. They thought she was worried about being charged and she wants her wall to look nice.

At the restaurant did she flag someone down and get a milk and bread for the kid? Waitstaff can’t read minds and many parents bring snacks for their kids.

If this is a recent change, I would think about hormone changes. You have a toddler. Did she recently wean from breastfeeding or pumping? That can cause some extreme emotional swings for a few weeks. I know it caught me by surprise. Is she using hormonal birth control? I had a lot of anger issues with a widely used BC pill and I thought I was going crazy.

Op here: She did not get bread but she did get one tiny appetizer. It was a Spanish tapas restaurant. Apparently my wife said I would be joining and she told the waiter she had questions about the menu. He said he would be right with her. She waited 20 minutes and then started to leave the restaurant. The waiter saw her and she asked for the check. The manager came over and made a big deal about everything. They begged her to stay. Next thing I know tons of tapas we did not order showed up at the table!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your wife is more assertive than you are. That's perfectly fine.

I'm in a similar marriage. I find my husband overly compliant sometimes when people like apartment owners and waiters do not treat him fairly. You might consider asking yourself whether you want to wait while those who come after you are served first. But perhaps you do not take care of your hungry baby? That makes life easier, doesn't eat? Ditto the painting situation. I'm betting you don't have to take care of that.

It seems like it's much easier for my husband to be patient and compliant and nice when I'm playing "bad cop." Then he can ask why I'm so bitchy when I finally make sure our meal comes and it's the right order.

God, yes, this. And I'm actually quite nice, over all. But I'm not going to be overlooked or taken advantage of, especially when I'm paying for a service! My husband once suggested he could correct the shoddy work a contractor was doing after they left, so as to avoid confronting or "being difficult" to them but requesting they fix it.

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife has a communication style issue. Is she politely advocating for herself first and then getting mad or is she communicating poorly and then exploding when no one read her mind?

The paint thing sounds like the leasing office didn’t understand the question. They thought she was worried about being charged and she wants her wall to look nice.

At the restaurant did she flag someone down and get a milk and bread for the kid? Waitstaff can’t read minds and many parents bring snacks for their kids.

If this is a recent change, I would think about hormone changes. You have a toddler. Did she recently wean from breastfeeding or pumping? That can cause some extreme emotional swings for a few weeks. I know it caught me by surprise. Is she using hormonal birth control? I had a lot of anger issues with a widely used BC pill and I thought I was going crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have a toddler your wife is likely exhausted.What is her daily schedule like? Can you take the toddler out somewhere this weekend and give her a chance to sleep in?

She's a stay at home mom. Our son sleeps great. He wakes up around 9-10 am every morning. I try to give her the day off but she is never interested. She says she will miss us.

Ok, so I know I will get bashed here, but I know a couple of stay at home moms who need to create drama out of boredom. From my point of view, when you have the drama of work you try to minimize the drama at home.

On the other hand, I know of more stay at home moms who are completely reasonable people. But for some reason, there is a subset of women (and men) who need drama in their lives.

A stay at home mom with 1 toddler is bored? Are you serious? Tired yes but bored?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have a toddler your wife is likely exhausted.What is her daily schedule like? Can you take the toddler out somewhere this weekend and give her a chance to sleep in?

She's a stay at home mom. Our son sleeps great. He wakes up around 9-10 am every morning. I try to give her the day off but she is never interested. She says she will miss us.

Ok, so I know I will get bashed here, but I know a couple of stay at home moms who need to create drama out of boredom. From my point of view, when you have the drama of work you try to minimize the drama at home.

On the other hand, I know of more stay at home moms who are completely reasonable people. But for some reason, there is a subset of women (and men) who need drama in their lives.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your wife is more assertive than you are. That's perfectly fine.

I'm in a similar marriage. I find my husband overly compliant sometimes when people like apartment owners and waiters do not treat him fairly. You might consider asking yourself whether you want to wait while those who come after you are served first. But perhaps you do not take care of your hungry baby? That makes life easier, doesn't eat? Ditto the painting situation. I'm betting you don't have to take care of that.

It seems like it's much easier for my husband to be patient and compliant and nice when I'm playing "bad cop." Then he can ask why I'm so bitchy when I finally make sure our meal comes and it's the right order.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, she is right in both cases. Apartment Building companies are well known for charging people for minor things. Hungry toddler should not have to wait for food because you are at a fancy restaurant and it takes them 20+ minuets to come around.

+1

But you don't need to lash out about it. You can be polite, you know.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that your wife could have found a more polite middle ground in both situations. Personally, I probably also would have also been irritated in both situations, but probably would have handled them both more calmly and politely. Unless I were in a really bad place in terms of stress, sleep and hormones, which is when I will almost predictably lose control. Luckily, I that happens only once every year or two.

BUT, I think you buried the lead here. She SAHM with a toddler and is stressed and lashes out. So what’s going on? Something isn’t right. And if your child isn’t difficult, then it’s something with her. Either she’s or has some thyroid or hormone issue or anxiety or ADHD or something. What she needs is a DH who is caring and understanding and can support her figuring this out, rather than one that’s judging and embarrassed by actions that, while rude, are not the end of the world. That is the way that you come together and act as a team; complaining and holding it against her is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have a toddler your wife is likely exhausted.What is her daily schedule like? Can you take the toddler out somewhere this weekend and give her a chance to sleep in?

She's a stay at home mom. Our son sleeps great. He wakes up around 9-10 am every morning. I try to give her the day off but she is never interested. She says she will miss us.

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss it? When was your wife lashing out? The examples you gave seem like reasonable responses to situations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: How is your sex life? Some uptight people really need to get laid.

I can pretty much guarantee it's bad. If they were having good sex, the wife probably wouldn't be as tense; and for sure OP wouldn't be so critical of his wife even if she was still acting like this.

OP here: It's actually really good. My wife has a higher drive. She would be ok with sex two times per per. It's more like 4-5 times per week.