Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I’d be more worried about her smoking after the baby is born than before. She will be holding and nuzzling her baby against her skin and clothes saturated with unfiltered toxins.

You didn't realize that toxins pass through the placenta to the baby? There is no "filter".

My DH was born in 1970 and his mom was a light smoker the entire time. Her dr encouraged it to help her relax. My DH is super smart, calm and successful. and a non smoker.

You should hate the cigarette companies that pour tons more nicotine into each cigarette than they did 30 years ago, to ensure their buyers’ addictions.

French women smoke during pregnancies and drink wine. Nothing happens. In USA everyone healthy and kids have multiple allergies. OP mind your own buisness.

I smoked my first pregnancy and baby was three weeks early and weighed 4.5 lbs. Did not smoke with other two pregnancies and both were early and weighed under 5 lbs at birth. All three are happy and healthy.

One of life's greatest lessons is learning to mind your own business. Try it.

She had a baby and you are unset that the lied to you?

Do you make everything about you?

She knows full well she shouldn't smoke. It is hard to quit. She probably is trying and not succeeding. I agree it is a horrible habit and unhealthy for kids. but leave her be.

My mother smoked a pack a day during pregnancy with me and my sister, and she continued to smoke a pack a day throughout our childhood. My sister got her PhD from Harvard in theoretical physics and I got my PharmD from UCSF. We never had asthma or other breathing problems. I guess we were kind of lucky. Smoking during pregnancy raises the risk of miscarriage and stillbirth and after birth SIDS. I haven’t read anything about it affecting intellectual development though, but if it did then maybe my sister and I were meant to be smarter XD

That being said, most babies will still be fine. Smoking is an addiction, and my father who was an alcoholic said it was harder to quit cigarettes than alcohol. I get why you are upset but it’s not your baby so let it go. If someone continually harassed my mother she would have cut them off and still continued to smoke. I have tried to get my own mother to quit multiple times, but it never did anything but upset her, so I’ve accepted it. If you want a relationship with your cousin you just have to accept it to a certain degree. Otherwise cut off contact and leave her alone. Harassing her will not get her to quit, and will just make her hate you.

My mother reduced but didn't stop smoking when she was pregnant with me. She claims her doctors told her it was OK to smoke a little. More likely they told her that if she couldn't stop, then she absolutely had to decrease.

Typical of people with impulse control and very little willpower.

Hey, smokers are trashy, especially smokers who smoke while pregnant. We all know it, and you know that's deep down one big reason why you are upset. How many women on this forum will defend to the death the right for a wealthy white pregnant mom to indulge in several glasses of wine a week while pregnant? Not trashy to them. Look, now that the kid is here and apparently didn't suffer from low birth weight, the bigger issue is smoking around the kid. Second hand smoke kills. So lecture her on that, you scold.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And frankly I'm really upset about it. She lied and said she quit, brought up multiple times how hard quitting was etc but yay she did it! Fast forward to the baby is here and she started up again. I told her I was surprised she'd smoke again so soon with a newborn and how hard it was to quit. She said that well she never actually quit and still smoked 2-3 a day and he's fine (as if she's rubbing it in my face he wasn't born with a third arm). I was really taken aback and got off the phone shortly thereafter.

What do you even do with this disturbing information? I don't even want to talk to her again but it's her baby and her life. I'm just really disappointed she lied multiple times to me about it and also disgusted she'd do that. Poor baby. How would you proceed?

Two cigs a day or two packs a day?


You are not the pregnancy police. Odds are her baby will be fine will no ill effects.

Again the same posters come out to prioritize not "policing" women over the health of the unborn babies

They say that because a) it’s her body and her child and b) what can OP possibly do about it? Same her? Cut her off? Break apart the entire family? Maybe OP should set rules like no smoking in her own home or around her and her kids, and let other people live their lives. It would be different if anything OP could do would help, but pretty much all the OP can do is talk about it with the cousin, which quickly turns into nagging. The cousin knows the evils of smoking and isn’t ready/able to beat the addiction. It’s sad but it’s not really OP’s business.

Rather than asking about it and being continually disappointed in your cousin, consider telling her that while you think it’s a bad decision and you hope she overcomes it someday, you’d rather not talk about smoking with her in any way right now, but you’ll be her cheerleader if she tries to actually quit. Then don’t discuss it anymore because it only makes you upset, and if she tries to quit only give positive vibes.

There’s a thread on page 1 about how people cut off family members for minor infractions and most people seem to think that’s a bad idea. Wouldn’t you agree, PP? So what else is there to do? If there’s nothing else to do about it, stop worrying about it, because it’s out of your control, aka stop policing other people’s bodies.

She was probably lying because she knew how strongly you would react. As upsetting as it is, you need to get yourself together, OP. If you want any hope of being able to help her quit the habit, then she needs to be able to trust that your reactions won't be so extreme.

So you need to decide: are your ego and histrionics more important to you than trying to help that baby by helping the mother? Only you can know the answer to that question.

So did my mom.

I am 6' tall and have a PhD in engineering.

I joke it stunted my growth because my parents and sister are taller than me.

Frankly, I’d be more worried about her smoking after the baby is born than before. She will be holding and nuzzling her baby against her skin and clothes saturated with unfiltered toxins.

Op, in 30 years will you be proud to tell your kids that the reason there's bad blood in the family is because you were upset that your cousin smoked while pregnant?