Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

That's not our school at all as I've suggested those things. I'd be happy to donate food and clothing (I have so much new/barely worn kids clothing) but our school refuses. Our teachers don't get anything from the PTA so I'd rather buy directly for the teacher at this point than give to the PTA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

So your suggestion is that I should go to the PTA meeting and tell these women to stop the potluck lunch for the teachers and the morning coffees for parents that they've been doing since I started at the school 8 years ago? Or maybe email and share my feelings? Tell them that I think it's a waste of their time.

Thank you for your advice, but I'm not committing that act of social suicide.

If I really thought funds were being wasted on an activity, and had a better idea, I would say something, and the PTA officers can accept or reject. Saying that it's an act of social suicide seems like an excuse from a lazy person.

I don't think funds are being wasted. I think they are wasting their time and trying to waste mine. They are asking me to sign up to bring food, cut flowers, coffee, make crafts, etc. I'm not talking deep fraud, waste, and abuse here. They are creating shit to do that doesn't need to be done. In my opinion.

If you don't think it's social suicide to walk into the group of women who are invested in all this and in many cases thought it up to begin with and tell them I think they are wasting their time, then you and I don't have the same set of interpersonal skills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

So your suggestion is that I should go to the PTA meeting and tell these women to stop the potluck lunch for the teachers and the morning coffees for parents that they've been doing since I started at the school 8 years ago? Or maybe email and share my feelings? Tell them that I think it's a waste of their time.

Thank you for your advice, but I'm not committing that act of social suicide.

If I really thought funds were being wasted on an activity, and had a better idea, I would say something, and the PTA officers can accept or reject. Saying that it's an act of social suicide seems like an excuse from a lazy person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

So your suggestion is that I should go to the PTA meeting and tell these women to stop the potluck lunch for the teachers and the morning coffees for parents that they've been doing since I started at the school 8 years ago? Or maybe email and share my feelings? Tell them that I think it's a waste of their time.

Thank you for your advice, but I'm not committing that act of social suicide.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.