Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 12:10     Subject: Re:S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:OP is getting piled on. But I know what’s she’s talking about. People who make no effort to carry their side of the conversation.

I have a co-worker who comes and stands in the door of my office to “chat”. She then proceeds to stand there and stare at me blankly until I ask her questions about herself. I never wanted to have the conversation to begin with. You are standing in my office. And now you feel no obligation to assist in keeping the convo going??

I can see the same thing at a dinner if there are some long pauses. Some people just always let someone else keep it going.


Yup. I have known people like this and I wouldn't even call them introverted or extroverted, they're just so painfully boring that distinction is lost. They're not sitting there splitting the atom and thinking about the meaning of life because they're oh so deep, they're just super awkward and generally selfish. They can't be a part of a conversation at all, they sit there quietly until it's their time to be the star of the show. It's total BS and I call this out privately when possible.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 12:10     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I use “introverts” in quotes because I don’t want to lump an entire group into one negative lump, but why do people feel it’s ok to go out for dinner and just...observe the conversation. I went out last night with 3 friends, incl one “introvert” or whatever, and I felt like the three of us were just there to entertain her. When you socialize with people, you have to try a little. We are not there to provide interesting conversation and gossip for you to just take in. Make yourself a little vulnerable and share something about your life, or put forward and observation of your own please.


I’m a “social introvert”. I enjoy balancing me or me + immediate family time with friends time. I can do a whole evening with people I’m very close with or a few hours with a less well-known group. However, I do not like the fake intimacy of disclosing something sensitive early in meeting people. I also don’t like being the custodian of casual friends’ embarrassing secrets. The situation you describe always just seems like the phone call scene in Mean Girls.

I am perfectly capable of having engaging conversations that don’t require emotional vulnerability from anyone. If the only topics you find interesting are gossipy ones, that’s very limiting. Many of us were raised to be private about certain topics and to not to say anything if we can’t say something nice.


+1 OP seems like she wants to be in control of every part of every situation for her own enjoyment. This is render than being a pleaseant, if reserved, companion.


-1

PARANOID.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 12:08     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" is an excuse


+1

Excuse for proud to be antisocial and lacking basic etiquette.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 12:05     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I use “introverts” in quotes because I don’t want to lump an entire group into one negative lump, but why do people feel it’s ok to go out for dinner and just...observe the conversation. I went out last night with 3 friends, incl one “introvert” or whatever, and I felt like the three of us were just there to entertain her. When you socialize with people, you have to try a little. We are not there to provide interesting conversation and gossip for you to just take in. Make yourself a little vulnerable and share something about your life, or put forward and observation of your own please.


I’m a “social introvert”. I enjoy balancing me or me + immediate family time with friends time. I can do a whole evening with people I’m very close with or a few hours with a less well-known group. However, I do not like the fake intimacy of disclosing something sensitive early in meeting people. I also don’t like being the custodian of casual friends’ embarrassing secrets. The situation you describe always just seems like the phone call scene in Mean Girls.

I am perfectly capable of having engaging conversations that don’t require emotional vulnerability from anyone. If the only topics you find interesting are gossipy ones, that’s very limiting. Many of us were raised to be private about certain topics and to not to say anything if we can’t say something nice.


+1 OP seems like she wants to be in control of every part of every situation for her own enjoyment. This is render than being a pleaseant, if reserved, companion.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 12:04     Subject: Re:S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:OP is getting piled on. But I know what’s she’s talking about. People who make no effort to carry their side of the conversation.

I have a co-worker who comes and stands in the door of my office to “chat”. She then proceeds to stand there and stare at me blankly until I ask her questions about herself. I never wanted to have the conversation to begin with. You are standing in my office. And now you feel no obligation to assist in keeping the convo going??

I can see the same thing at a dinner if there are some long pauses. Some people just always let someone else keep it going.


I have a male coworker who does this. It used to make me feel nervous or that I am boring him so tried to fill the silence with chatter but I try not to let it bother me anymore. I am not his entertainment.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:44     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert only because I hate filler conversation. It’s either interesting or important or relevant or it’s blather.

I don’t want to be trapped in an amateur episode of “The View” if I can help it.


So much blather. Especially from people who think they're "entertaining." They'll grab the floor and filibuster because they're oh so interesting.


+1

I hate participating in the inevitable “I love me/I am so witty/me me me/my opinions rawk!!!” op is invariably having with her helpless victims.


Wow you guys certainly have a lot of excuses for being lazy conversationalists.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:43     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:I “swing both ways” and understand what’s it is like to be a carried-away, excited, interrupting extrovert, and a “why bother” introvert.

I am self-aware enough to realize when I need to calm down and share the floor. Full extroverts rarely have this awareness.


I cut them some slack because I assume they just don't get enough attention at home. What I don't get is people like OP going on the offensive against people who they deem "introverts." Maybe they didn't think the conversation was worth contributing to.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:37     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert only because I hate filler conversation. It’s either interesting or important or relevant or it’s blather.

I don’t want to be trapped in an amateur episode of “The View” if I can help it.


So much blather. Especially from people who think they're "entertaining." They'll grab the floor and filibuster because they're oh so interesting.


+1

I hate participating in the inevitable “I love me/I am so witty/me me me/my opinions rawk!!!” op is invariably having with her helpless victims.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:37     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
I “swing both ways” and understand what’s it is like to be a carried-away, excited, interrupting extrovert, and a “why bother” introvert.

I am self-aware enough to realize when I need to calm down and share the floor. Full extroverts rarely have this awareness.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:35     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert only because I hate filler conversation. It’s either interesting or important or relevant or it’s blather.

I don’t want to be trapped in an amateur episode of “The View” if I can help it.


So much blather. Especially from people who think they're "entertaining." They'll grab the floor and filibuster because they're oh so interesting.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:32     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
I am an introvert only because I hate filler conversation. It’s either interesting or important or relevant or it’s blather.

I don’t want to be trapped in an amateur episode of “The View” if I can help it.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:11     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
If this happens to you a lot:

-Are you pausing and actually allowing others to speak? Are you interrupting?

-Are you loud? Super-loud people are embarrassing to be around. I stay quiet in the hopes that you will tone it down.

-Are you making jokes at the expense of others? You may have hurt someone, whether you meant to or not

-Are you gossiping or asking personal questions right off the bat? I don’t gossip and I don’t trust you.

If all your answers to the above is “no,” then you’ve probably caught someone on a bad night, or they may just be dull. Invite, or don’t, accordingly.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:08     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
I have social anxiety and am always nervous that I will say something silly, or accidentally interrupt someone, or say someone and get met with silence. And if someone is judging me for being quiet, seems like the odds are pretty strong they judge me for what I say. So why bother?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 11:03     Subject: Re:S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
OP is getting piled on. But I know what’s she’s talking about. People who make no effort to carry their side of the conversation.

I have a co-worker who comes and stands in the door of my office to “chat”. She then proceeds to stand there and stare at me blankly until I ask her questions about herself. I never wanted to have the conversation to begin with. You are standing in my office. And now you feel no obligation to assist in keeping the convo going??

I can see the same thing at a dinner if there are some long pauses. Some people just always let someone else keep it going.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2018 10:45     Subject: S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say
The introvert went home thinking - I dislike dining with “extoverts” and people who have a great deal to say about nothing.