Anonymous
Post 08/14/2018 15:13     Subject: Tell me about Persian families
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m midwestern (reserved in emotions and practical) and married a Persian man. Especially since Dd was born, the over the top (to me) emotional expressions from my inlaws are driving me bonkers. Every time we talk (regularly!) the convo starts with a teary “it’s been sooooo long since we’ve seen you!!” The frequently refer to the day Dd was born as “the single best moment of their lives” and thank her for it. They are always saying things like “nothing is too good for our princess” (referrring to dd) and that she is the smartest / most special / happiest / best tempered / etc etc child ever. I could go on and on.

My husband says this is just Persian culture and they haven’t actually totally lost their minds obsessing over her and thinking she’s perfect. Is this the norm? I try to role with it either way bc what can you do and am more just curious of the tears and over the topness (to me) is the norm in Persian culture.




So why didn’t you know this about his family before you married him?

And yes, most Persian families are like this. Sorry.

signed,
Persian-American mom


I knew some of it but they haven’t had anyone to obsess over / worship before dd. They were very emotionally invested in our wedding but other than that there hasn’t been something with this focus. I guess part of what I’m curious about is whether the things they say are really how they feel (that Dd is literally perfect and the best creature to ever exist, that she deserves everything money can buy, that her birth is the single greatest moment of their lives and made life worth living (is dh chopped liver?!), that they spend their time “staring st pictures of her all day”, or if culturally they’re just speaking in extremes as a deomonstration of love.


I laughed reading your post. Because it really is so typically Persian. No, DD is not literally perfect, but she's theirs, at least at the moment they're talking to you, so they shower with extreme love and attention. (But probably, when their friends come over with a toddler, that kid is also perfect and amazing, etc.) And no, DH is not chopped liver. But he had his moment 30 years ago, they're on to their new baby joon now.

Mostly, just roll with it. If it's good-natured then just bask in how unusual it is. If it gets dramatic or less good natured, rely on DH to draw boundaries.


This. My Persian mother is obsessed with our little guy. Tearily telling me every day how much she misses him and how much he's grown. My uncle who lives in China and who I've only seen once in about 5 years sends videos of my kid back to his friends there and gushes about us all (he calls my husband so patient, so loving, so smart, so sweet! - that was this morning on the phone while I ordered him figs on Amazon Prime). This is VERY VERY typical of the culture. If this is too much for you, ask DH to draw some boundaries. Lord knows my poor, introverted husband gets a little too much of my family when we visit my home state so I make sure to give him lots of me-time before and after our trips.

I say this as a half-Persian (dad is whiter than white) - embrace the love and inclusiveness of being married into a Persian family, but do NOT let them guilt you into making your immediate family a priority if need be.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2018 13:09     Subject: Tell me about Persian families
Anonymous wrote:All non -WASP cultures are very similar to this. This is very much like my Indian-american family.


Do you really think the vast majority of the world is culturally identical in this regard? Wow. You should travel more.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2018 12:34     Subject: Tell me about Persian families
Anonymous wrote:boundaries - boundaries - boundaries


yes- god forbid your in laws love you DD too much- get some boundaries up!
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2018 12:29     Subject: Tell me about Persian families
Anonymous wrote:All non -WASP cultures are very similar to this. This is very much like my Indian-american family.


Not even remotely true. For example, my DH’s West African family is not. My Jewish family is more so than DH’s, but not anything like Persians. I hardly would expect East Asians or even most Europeans to be over-the-top like that.

That said, I do appreciate the love of family in the culture. The drama would be hard to deal with though.