When people describe a switch flipping in their children, I think PANDAS. Can you recall if she had a strep infection around that time? PANDAS can cause sudden personality changes and rage like you describe. If you don’t think it is regular puberty stuff, you might consider medical issues like this too!

Also might be worth them doing a full blood panel (including tox screen without telling her if you are suspicious) to check for things like thyroid, vitamin deficiencies etc. anemia makes you extremely irritable.

My sister had a hormonal issue that made her basically an emotional nightmare. She had her period almost all the time. She had to go on the pill. So, for some girls, the hormonal effects are definitely worse. Do you know how often she gets her period and how long it lasts?

I agree that one must pick their battles. I am in many ways a lenient parent but health and safety issues are non-negotiable. Been telling her that for years.

For bad/rude/violent behavior, my response was to cut it off ASAP and send her to her room until she can be nice.

We don't scream in our household. Too much for me.

Also, ask her opinions about topics other than herself. She needs to feel respected and that her opinions are important.

In regards to the OP's child's behavior it could be PMS. It's easy enough to track her cycles as teens are not the cleanest group! Meaning look in the bathroom trash.

I would not drug test her. That does not show trust and she will hate you for it. Perhaps if there were other signs of drug use, maybe. But being a screaming mimi does not count IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be careful how you clamp down. Four weeks grounding was overkill. Punishments don't work. They just ratchet things up. You are right; you will lose her. Positive reinforcement wins the day.

-1,000

Moron.

You think you can punish a teen into behaving? YOU are the moron.

+1000

If you don't think teens respond to positive and negative incentives, YOU are the moron.

Let me guess, you probably thought she was a cute little diva through elementary.

Only solution now would be to get a time machine and beat it out of her while it's fresh. I'd say I'm sorry, but you brought it on yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be careful how you clamp down. Four weeks grounding was overkill. Punishments don't work. They just ratchet things up. You are right; you will lose her. Positive reinforcement wins the day.

-1,000

Moron.

You think you can punish a teen into behaving? YOU are the moron.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

This is also the age when undiagnosed learning disorders and/or ADHD or ADD become too hard for the child to cover up/compensate. They start to fail at things, are unfocused, feel different from peers, get anxious, etc. So a neuropsych eval can uncover issues.

Oh, look, the neuropsych poster! Open up your checkbook, OP, to the tune of about 5 grand.

Uh... I'm not "the neuropsych poster..." I'm a new poster who posted some advice that some people might need. My DD had two neuropsychs over the years. The first was covered by insurance (our copay was about $300). The second one we paid for out of pocket ($2400).

Though would I pay $5000 to figure out what the heck was going on with my child? Yes I would. PP, you'd probably pay that for a sunroof on your new car, but you know, priorities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she started her period?

It got easier for my daughter to manage her emotions related to the hormonal shifts once she got her physical period. It was like the tangible evidence made something in her brain click and she realized that what she was feeling was due to her period. She was a monster for a good 12-14 months before her actual period started. Her Ped said it was 100% puberty related and her bodying preparing to menstruate. But it was like clockwork every month! One week she was just an absolute nightmare and then the following week she was less moody, but always complained she felt "bad" but couldn't label the "feeling bad." (very tired, grumpy, didn't want to do anything).

As an adult I suddenly experienced absolutely horrible PMS. I was depressed, having outbursts, screaming, crying. It was terrifying but after two or three months I realized it was related to my period. For me the answer was birth control and it never happened again. But there is such a thing as abnormally bad PMS, but I forget the name for it.

PMDD or premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

For a 12 year old?

Yep. That’s when many kids start. And it’s not a new thing. There’s been lots of threads here with posters bragging about starting to drink/do drugs/have sex in Middle School in the 80s...

Anonymous wrote:Has she started her period?

It got easier for my daughter to manage her emotions related to the hormonal shifts once she got her physical period. It was like the tangible evidence made something in her brain click and she realized that what she was feeling was due to her period. She was a monster for a good 12-14 months before her actual period started. Her Ped said it was 100% puberty related and her bodying preparing to menstruate. But it was like clockwork every month! One week she was just an absolute nightmare and then the following week she was less moody, but always complained she felt "bad" but couldn't label the "feeling bad." (very tired, grumpy, didn't want to do anything).

As an adult I suddenly experienced absolutely horrible PMS. I was depressed, having outbursts, screaming, crying. It was terrifying but after two or three months I realized it was related to my period. For me the answer was birth control and it never happened again. But there is such a thing as abnormally bad PMS, but I forget the name for it.

Insurance only covers if there are documented special needs and/or a specialist recommends it and it varies by insurance.