I know three women who lost their husbands to cancer (two within a year, one after 5 years). All three started dating within a year after their husband's deaths, and are in serious relationships right at the 2-year mark. Their children are in high school/college.

Letting her know you're interested and would like to see her when she's ready is a good approach. Give her control over initiating an actual date.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the scene in Wedding Crashers where Will Farrell and Owen Wilson try to pick up women at a funeral.

He wasn't in Wedding Crashers, and I don't believe there were any funeral scenes in that movie. Owen and Vince Vaughan picked up women at weddings. That they crashed.

I bet you think Mean Girls was a movie about nice boys, right?

Awkward. Will Ferrell did have a cameo in Wedding Crashers. He played the guy who originally introduced Vince Vaughn's character to wedding crashing. After Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn fight, Owen Wilson goes to see Will Ferrell, who's new thing is crashing funerals.

Now go google cameo.

Anonymous wrote:Four years for me and not really ready. But everyone is different.

Are you a friend? Don't ruin a friendship over this.

But, as you say, everyone is different. I've been widowed for two years. I recently had dinner with an old friend, whose wife died five years ago. We don't live in the same city, but we're making plans to see each other again after I take my youngest to college in a few weeks. His youngest is in college. Neither of us would be making a move if we had younger kids. And, yes, it also probably makes a difference that we both lost our spouses after illness. In my case, my husband told me that he didn't want me to be alone.

Four years for me and not really ready. But everyone is different.

Are you a friend? Don't ruin a friendship over this.

Take her out for coffee in a few months. Tell her that if/when she is ready to date again, you'd be honored to take her out. You don't want to miss your chance....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1 year

Really? I slept with a widow two days after the funeral- she initiated saying she was lonely.

Agree with George Costanza-ing it.

I think dying suddenly is a bit different than after an illness. With an illness, there's some time to contemplate all this before the death. Many widows/ers have already done quite a bit of grieving prior to the actual death.

If his death was sudden, I think more time is better. But this is clearly really individual. I'd think at least 6 months. And I'd be really prepared to court her very slowly, since she's still greiving. If it was me, and you tried to jump in too fast, I'd see that as a huge red flag and bail pretty quickly.

Anonymous wrote:1 year

Really? I slept with a widow two days after the funeral- she initiated saying she was lonely.

My wife lost her first husband at 32. Two boys under 4 at the time.

I think we started dating about 5 or 6 years after. She dated a few other people intermittently in that time, starting at about 2 years I think... but nothing serious.

Honestly, I can't imagine how hard that time that must've been for her. She didn't even have time to date, really, between trying to raise two kids alone, being in grief, just having life totally derailed and not knowing what to do next. But she managed somehow. And she's one of the strongest people I know.

Anonymous wrote:Wait til after the burial. Anything sooner would be tacky.

+1 I would throw a knowing glance her way. Plant the seeds frequently and often, tactfully and tastefully of course.

I have a slightly different take on this. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. At the time, it looked like I had maybe a few years left (5-10, maybe; maybe less). Since then, I have gotten a more optimistic diagnosis and hope to be around for a bit longer than that but, at the time, I had an opportunity to think about what it meant for my wife. I can't speak for her but, for me, I hoped that she wouldn't spend years alone (and that our child wouldn't have a good male influence in his life).

Just a thought from the OTHER person in the equation.

Anonymous wrote:2 years. 1 year seems pretty recent. 2 you probably have somewhat of a new norm and are exploring the future at least in your head.

2 years and she may be taken. I've seen it happen.

The widow I know was ready in two months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the scene in Wedding Crashers where Will Farrell and Owen Wilson try to pick up women at a funeral.

He wasn't in Wedding Crashers, and I don't believe there were any funeral scenes in that movie. Owen and Vince Vaughan picked up women at weddings. That they crashed.

I bet you think Mean Girls was a movie about nice boys, right?

You’re wrong and wrong again. You shouldn’t correct people when you really don’t know.

Ha! PP really got their ass handed to them on this one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the scene in Wedding Crashers where Will Farrell and Owen Wilson try to pick up women at a funeral.

He wasn't in Wedding Crashers, and I don't believe there were any funeral scenes in that movie. Owen and Vince Vaughan picked up women at weddings. That they crashed.

I bet you think Mean Girls was a movie about nice boys, right?

Awkward. Will Ferrell did have a cameo in Wedding Crashers. He played the guy who originally introduced Vince Vaughn's character to wedding crashing. After Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn fight, Owen Wilson goes to see Will Ferrell, who's new thing is crashing funerals.

More than a cameo! He was in several scenes. This was actually an important part of the movie via a vis the plot! Homework tonight - everyone has to watch this movie LOL