Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are a good man, you will not have a problem finding a mate once divorced.

OP here... I'm not scared of divorce... I just havn't decided I want one. I'm comfortable at home. I like waking up each morning to the kids being there. And we share finances and house chores well... just no intimacy in it, which is something I seem to desire and she does not. The question was (still is)... Does one continue to see a spouse who has given up on intimacy completely as a partner in this field, and should they (I actually) share feelings and information when I know they are not likely to lead to any progress in this area of the relationship?

Dude, the way you write about her is seething with contempt and a desire to control. Its not sadness from a loss of connection but rather contempt that you don't have access to what you think is your due that emanates from your posting. It's impossible to know whether this feeling about her/your relationship came before or after she stopped having sex with you, but I suspect before, probably it became less frequent and then when she felt this anger coming from you it killed it all the way. Women don't want to sleep with their husbands out of a sense of duty or obligation, and nothing kills the libido more than a man who clearly doesn't even like you anymore and sees you as a obstacle to his happiness, yet wants to get his rocks off and feels like you owe him. No thanks.

Whine, whine, whine. Can’t imagine why your wife has lost interest in you. Permavictims are never sexy no matter how much they go to the gym.

Anonymous wrote:"the wife"?

You sound really annoying.

OP... I might very well be... but forming an opinion based on one phrase... says more about you than anything really...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

OP here... It's also been a year since I took a vacation. Heck... it's been almost three since I bought a new car...

Most men aren't taking vacations and buying new cars 3X per week either. For most men, sex is like brushing teeth.. a regular thing which you don't just go a year without, meanwhile your only action has been some mildly terse statement that you now feel might have been over the line and need validation from DCUM.

Not sure that any of us can help you, given your views are so far outside the norm of most men.

You seem to be very knowledgeable about "most men"... and I do hope that you brush your teeth more often then "most men" have sex...

Elementary school kids. You are talking about the next 10 years without sex. She has you by the balls and she knows it.

"the wife"?

You sound really annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

OP here... It's also been a year since I took a vacation. Heck... it's been almost three since I bought a new car...

You should make equal comparisons. It's been a year since washed my body.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

OP here... It's also been a year since I took a vacation. Heck... it's been almost three since I bought a new car...

Most men aren't taking vacations and buying new cars 3X per week either. For most men, sex is like brushing teeth.. a regular thing which you don't just go a year without, meanwhile your only action has been some mildly terse statement that you now feel might have been over the line and need validation from DCUM.

Not sure that any of us can help you, given your views are so far outside the norm of most men.

Anonymous wrote:Your marriage is dead. I would think the last thing that you should be concerned about is a single conversation about nothing.

I personally would not want this kind of marriage but it sounds like it works for you. It's a shared life but it isn't a loving, intimate partnership. I think when you have children living at home it is understandable that you would sacrifice certain desires in order to keep their home intact. I don't judge your choice, in fact I admire you for making it.

I think you have to see this as a phase of your life that will change when the kids get older. If you change your mind and decide you need intimacy, you will leave at that time. It sounds like that is what you are beginning to do, it sounds like your resentment is growing.

OP here... you're pretty close... I too think my actions would be very different if there were no kids in this... but there are. And they are still in elementary school... so ya... things will probably be somewhat different in the future. Then again, things are always different with time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

He didn't say he was neglecting the kids. Stop projecting.

Agreed. That post was weird. She wrote "neglecting the kids" three times. He never mentioned that.

Your marriage is dead. I would think the last thing that you should be concerned about is a single conversation about nothing.

I personally would not want this kind of marriage but it sounds like it works for you. It's a shared life but it isn't a loving, intimate partnership. I think when you have children living at home it is understandable that you would sacrifice certain desires in order to keep their home intact. I don't judge your choice, in fact I admire you for making it.

I think you have to see this as a phase of your life that will change when the kids get older. If you change your mind and decide you need intimacy, you will leave at that time. It sounds like that is what you are beginning to do, it sounds like your resentment is growing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

OP here... It's also been a year since I took a vacation. Heck... it's been almost three since I bought a new car...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are a good man, you will not have a problem finding a mate once divorced.

OP here... I'm not scared of divorce... I just havn't decided I want one. I'm comfortable at home. I like waking up each morning to the kids being there. And we share finances and house chores well... just no intimacy in it, which is something I seem to desire and she does not. The question was (still is)... Does one continue to see a spouse who has given up on intimacy completely as a partner in this field, and should they (I actually) share feelings and information when I know they are not likely to lead to any progress in this area of the relationship?

1) That is the conversation you need to have with your wife. Come clean about your rather insensitive remark in the first bit of the conversation. Showing her your post may help.
2) Only you can decide what you can and cannot live with.
3) How old are your children?

See if she is willing to go to a couples weekend that helps couples re-establish intimacy.