Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD and 11 yo DS are generally very good. They get good grades, are personable and polite to family and friends, etc

The one exception - me. And I’ve had it. Here’s an example: they each had three chores to do today. I didn’t nag or pester, just said they had to be done by dinner. Well It’s getting close to dinner and I calmly remind them they haven’t finished their chores.

My son flops in a chair and whines that he needs some time to rest because his legs hurt. His chore was to sweep the porch.

My DD has to load the dishwasher. She whines she doesn’t know how so my husband - nice as could be - says he’ll help her. She makes this mopey face and plops down into a chair not listening to him nor did she say thanks to him.

I see this and explode on the both of them! That we ask very little of them and is it that much to ask for less whining and a little energy?!

This dynamic used to be infrequent but it’s been happening EVERY DAY and I’m at my wits end! I hate how I explode as I don’t think it sets a good example of how to behave but it’s INFRUIATING! FWIW I manage a team of 125 people at work and that is an emotional cakewalk compared to this.

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD and 11 yo DS are generally very good. They get good grades, are personable and polite to family and friends, etc

The one exception - me. And I’ve had it. Here’s an example: they each had three chores to do today. I didn’t nag or pester, just said they had to be done by dinner. Well It’s getting close to dinner and I calmly remind them they haven’t finished their chores.

My son flops in a chair and whines that he needs some time to rest because his legs hurt. His chore was to sweep the porch.

My DD has to load the dishwasher. She whines she doesn’t know how so my husband - nice as could be - says he’ll help her. She makes this mopey face and plops down into a chair not listening to him nor did she say thanks to him.

I see this and explode on the both of them! That we ask very little of them and is it that much to ask for less whining and a little energy?!

This dynamic used to be infrequent but it’s been happening EVERY DAY and I’m at my wits end! I hate how I explode as I don’t think it sets a good example of how to behave but it’s INFRUIATING! FWIW I manage a team of 125 people at work and that is an emotional cakewalk compared to this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just popping in to say that I can't believe that feeding cats is less favored (it takes probably no time at all) while unloading dishwasher is more favored - THAT takes more time - unload then walk all over kingdom come to put stuff away in kitchen and diningroom.

ugh.

But, hey, to each their own, right? My personal LEAST FAVORITE THING is to vacuum. Oh, wait, mowing is worse - that's vacuuming outside in the heat and mosquitoes. I hate that worse.

PP of that post. It's probably because it's stinky wet canned food. Then there's the rinsing out the cans for recycling, schlepping one bowl downstairs to the laundry room and getting the shy cat locked inside so the bully cat doesn't eat all her food, and picking up the dishes from the last meal.

I feed the cats in the morning and I'd personally much rather unload the nice clean dishwasher (which I also do in the morning). Maybe that's the only upside of our too-small kitchen that it's all (way too) close together.

But I agree, I'd much rather vacuum than mow the lawn any day!

Anonymous wrote:Just popping in to say that I can't believe that feeding cats is less favored (it takes probably no time at all) while unloading dishwasher is more favored - THAT takes more time - unload then walk all over kingdom come to put stuff away in kitchen and diningroom.

ugh.

But, hey, to each their own, right? My personal LEAST FAVORITE THING is to vacuum. Oh, wait, mowing is worse - that's vacuuming outside in the heat and mosquitoes. I hate that worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD and 11 yo DS are generally very good. They get good grades, are personable and polite to family and friends, etc

The one exception - me. And I’ve had it. Here’s an example: they each had three chores to do today. I didn’t nag or pester, just said they had to be done by dinner. Well It’s getting close to dinner and I calmly remind them they haven’t finished their chores.

My son flops in a chair and whines that he needs some time to rest because his legs hurt. His chore was to sweep the porch.

My DD has to load the dishwasher. She whines she doesn’t know how so my husband - nice as could be - says he’ll help her. She makes this mopey face and plops down into a chair not listening to him nor did she say thanks to him.

I see this and explode on the both of them! That we ask very little of them and is it that much to ask for less whining and a little energy?!

This dynamic used to be infrequent but it’s been happening EVERY DAY and I’m at my wits end! I hate how I explode as I don’t think it sets a good example of how to behave but it’s INFRUIATING! FWIW I manage a team of 125 people at work and that is an emotional cakewalk compared to this.

I found that when I gave me kids free reign to do it when they want, i realized that I really don't want them to do it when they want. I don't want them to wait until 12pm to unload the dishwasher, because I want to put the breakfast dishes in there. Or I don't want them to wait until 7pm to vacuum the living room because by them I want to plop down and rest. Or whatever. So my "do it today" really wasn't what I wanted and then I because frustrated that it wasn't done. So, now I put a time frame on it. "When you get home from camp, please empty the dishwasher and fold your clothes that are in the dryer. Please take a shower too. You then will have time to play the XBox." It is also teaching them not to procrastinate.
A child development expert would tell you giving them a window of time to complete something probably isn't very effective. Better to deal in real-time workstreams.

Instead of saying to child "you have until 5 p.m. to do XYZ," try saying, "OK, child, it's 11 a.m. and you've been on your screen for three hours. Time to take a break and sweep the porch/load the dishwasher now." And get it done there and then.

Interesting. My kids are younger, but I always thought it was nicer to give then some flexibility in scheduling. I know I don't like being ordered around on someone else's schedule; if I have three chores to do, I like to choose when I do them. But like OP, my kids tend not to do them until the very end and I end up yelling at them to do it NOW! Then they say they don't like being ordered around.

I give my kids a choice. They can do their chores before $time, fitting them in however they want in their schedule. After $time, I become a dictator and can insist they go do their chores immediately.

I have one kid who always waits. I've asked if he'd rather I just tell him to do his chores instead of giving him the option, but he says he prefers the option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD and 11 yo DS are generally very good. They get good grades, are personable and polite to family and friends, etc

The one exception - me. And I’ve had it. Here’s an example: they each had three chores to do today. I didn’t nag or pester, just said they had to be done by dinner. Well It’s getting close to dinner and I calmly remind them they haven’t finished their chores.

My son flops in a chair and whines that he needs some time to rest because his legs hurt. His chore was to sweep the porch.

My DD has to load the dishwasher. She whines she doesn’t know how so my husband - nice as could be - says he’ll help her. She makes this mopey face and plops down into a chair not listening to him nor did she say thanks to him.

I see this and explode on the both of them! That we ask very little of them and is it that much to ask for less whining and a little energy?!

This dynamic used to be infrequent but it’s been happening EVERY DAY and I’m at my wits end! I hate how I explode as I don’t think it sets a good example of how to behave but it’s INFRUIATING! FWIW I manage a team of 125 people at work and that is an emotional cakewalk compared to this.

I found that when I give me kids free reign to do it when they want, i realized that I really don't want them to do it when they want. I don't want them to wait until 12pm to unload the dishwasher, because I want to put the breakfast dishes in there. Or I don't want them to wait until 7pm to vacuum the living room because by them I want to plop down and rest. Or whatever. So my "do it today" really wasn't what I wanted and then I because frustrated that it wasn't done. So, now I put a timeframe on it.
A child development expert would tell you giving them a window of time to complete something probably isn't very effective. Better to deal in real-time workstreams.

Instead of saying to child "you have until 5 p.m. to do XYZ," try saying, "OK, child, it's 11 a.m. and you've been on your screen for three hours. Time to take a break and sweep the porch/load the dishwasher now." And get it done there and then.

Interesting. My kids are younger, but I always thought it was nicer to give then some flexibility in scheduling. I know I don't like being ordered around on someone else's schedule; if I have three chores to do, I like to choose when I do them. But like OP, my kids tend not to do them until the very end and I end up yelling at them to do it NOW! Then they say they don't like being ordered around.

I give my kids a choice. They can do their chores before $time, fitting them in however they want in their schedule. After $time, I become a dictator and can insist they go do their chores immediately.

I have one kid who always waits. I've asked if he'd rather I just tell him to do his chores instead of giving him the option, but he says he prefers the option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD and 11 yo DS are generally very good. They get good grades, are personable and polite to family and friends, etc

The one exception - me. And I’ve had it. Here’s an example: they each had three chores to do today. I didn’t nag or pester, just said they had to be done by dinner. Well It’s getting close to dinner and I calmly remind them they haven’t finished their chores.

My son flops in a chair and whines that he needs some time to rest because his legs hurt. His chore was to sweep the porch.

My DD has to load the dishwasher. She whines she doesn’t know how so my husband - nice as could be - says he’ll help her. She makes this mopey face and plops down into a chair not listening to him nor did she say thanks to him.

I see this and explode on the both of them! That we ask very little of them and is it that much to ask for less whining and a little energy?!

This dynamic used to be infrequent but it’s been happening EVERY DAY and I’m at my wits end! I hate how I explode as I don’t think it sets a good example of how to behave but it’s INFRUIATING! FWIW I manage a team of 125 people at work and that is an emotional cakewalk compared to this.

A child development expert would tell you giving them a window of time to complete something probably isn't very effective. Better to deal in real-time workstreams.

Instead of saying to child "you have until 5 p.m. to do XYZ," try saying, "OK, child, it's 11 a.m. and you've been on your screen for three hours. Time to take a break and sweep the porch/load the dishwasher now." And get it done there and then.

Interesting. My kids are younger, but I always thought it was nicer to give then some flexibility in scheduling. I know I don't like being ordered around on someone else's schedule; if I have three chores to do, I like to choose when I do them. But like OP, my kids tend not to do them until the very end and I end up yelling at them to do it NOW! Then they say they don't like being ordered around.

Anonymous wrote:Wifi isn't the only thing to hold over their head. Do you give them rides to practices, friend's houses, the mall, etc. You and the Dh are showing them if they whine long and load enough, they don't have to do their chores. Find your backbone and hold them to their chores. Ÿou do not have to scream or yell.