I also don't see it as a problem in the torah so I don't like the egalitarian prayer books. If it wasn't there thousands of years ago, it shouldn't be there now. Who are we to change the supposed spoken words of G-d?


The words of the amidah are NOT the words of G-d.


I've learned a bit about Menachem Schneerson and I find him to be an incredible and generous person.

There are many incredible and generous people in Jewish history. We do not hang portraits of them where the daven. The cultish aspects of Chabad around the rebbe go well beyond noting he was a nice guy.

He was truly an ambassador of Tikkun Olam. When the Chabad Center in Mumbai was attacked and the family gruesomely murdered by terrorists who wanted to kill Jews, what did Chabad say to do? Not to riot, or to kill back. They said to spread the light not darkness. Do a good deed in your community, wherever you may be. This is The Rebbe's legacy.

Not sure how a handful of chabadniks in Mumbai could have succeeded with a riot. If you mean general attitudes towards muslims, I think you are unfamiliar with positions Chabad has taken within Israeli politics.

As for our experience at the CJ, it was a hard nut to crack in terms of getting involved. Many of the families had kids in Jewish Day School so it felt like everyone knew everyone else. We attended services and volunteered for a few events. DS even joined the Jewish Cub Scout group affiliated with the synagogue. We just never fit in and never felt part of the shul. We genuinely did try for 3 years.

We weren't close to many people at our shul after 3 years. Now we are. It takes time. But of course it SHOULD be easier. It will only become easier if members work to make it easier, not if they run to Chabad. Were I to find a large C shul too difficult to find my way into, I would join an independent minyan, not Chabad. But it sounds like either a C shul, or an indie minyan would be too frum for you, so Chabad may be the best fit.

Anonymous wrote: Now, I love it! If you ever go to a service you will see the men are stoic and very focused on prayer and the women are more diverse... some are very focused and others are chatting quietly. Have you ever sought to ask why men and women sit separately? The answer is simple- when you are in synagogue you are supposed to be focused on G-d and prayer and that's it. It's not some sort of convoluted gender inequality crap.

First off, I have been to O synagogues where men chatted. I have also known women frustrated at the chatter on their side of the Mehitzah. And I see every shabbat people focused on prayer at our C shul. If you can't manage to focus with people of the opposite gender visible, feel free to wear your tallis over your head so you can't see people. But if you think gender equality is crap, or that gender inequality is not a problem in Judaism, then Conservative Judaism may not be for you.

I have heard the cultish claim before and I have especially been warned that it can come on strong after bar mitzvah age. We as a family are comfortable and confident in who we are and I can assure you I will never wear a wig and give up my spare ribs and cheeseburgers. Perhaps my kids will and that is wonderful by me... I will feel proud that I gave them a strong foundation in Judaism so that they could choose their own way. I think the key here is "choice," which is a very Liberal and inclusive thought.

Cultish not about making you give up cheeseburgers (CJ also encourages giving up cheese burgers). Its about the focus on the personality of the late Rebbe. Note this is a problem that non-Chabad Orthodox Jews have noted about Chabad.

Of course I think lack of gender equality is a problem- I just don't see it at our Chabad. I wish I could ask my grandmothers how it felt to sit separately from their fathers growing up, since both were children of Orthodox Russian immigrants. One continued to be observant and the other was a founding member of a reform shul. Both ran circles around their husbands (my grandfathers) and I cannot imagine either of them tolerating gender inequality of any sort (my point being, what some see as inequality others see as tradition). I also don't see it as a problem in the torah so I don't like the egalitarian prayer books. If it wasn't there thousands of years ago, it shouldn't be there now. Who are we to change the supposed spoken words of G-d? To the poster who is worried about her child in the service, we have a children's service but it's up to the parent if you want to send your kids. They are welcomed at both the main service and the child-focused service.

I've learned a bit about Menachem Schneerson and I find him to be an incredible and generous person. He was truly an ambassador of Tikkun Olam. When the Chabad Center in Mumbai was attacked and the family gruesomely murdered by terrorists who wanted to kill Jews, what did Chabad say to do? Not to riot, or to kill back. They said to spread the light not darkness. Do a good deed in your community, wherever you may be. This is The Rebbe's legacy.

To the CJ poster- I admire your dedication to kashrut and you sound like a devoted and proud Jew. I am not at all judging those who do things a different way or see Judaism differently than we do. This just works very well for our family and I truly hope our kids will incorporate more observancy in their lives. If they do, I'll feel that we did the right thing in bringing them to Chabad.

As for our experience at the CJ, it was a hard nut to crack in terms of getting involved. Many of the families had kids in Jewish Day School so it felt like everyone knew everyone else. We attended services and volunteered for a few events. DS even joined the Jewish Cub Scout group affiliated with the synagogue. We just never fit in and never felt part of the shul. We genuinely did try for 3 years. Felt similar to my RJ upbringing. Just didn't fit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're debating the same thing. Except that I'm Jewish and my husband is not (raised Christian but not religious now, with no plans to convert.) I'd kind of like us to join a congregation and I want our children to have a Jewish education but worry that most places will make us feel awkward.

Not sure where you are, but Kol Shalom in Rockville just changed its policies to allow non-Jewish family members to fully (or virtually fully, not sure son-Jew could read from the Torah during services) participate.

Thank you - this is not too far from us (within 20 minutes). I'm not sure husband wants to participate, just to attend services and learn a little about Judaism for now. I just don't want us to be "othered".

You should definitely check it out then. As far as temples go, it is fairly diverse and I am pretty sure there are a decent number of members with interfaith marriages. My sense (we are relatively new members and both Jewish so never focused on this) is that non-Jews have always been welcomed and this change was mostly formalizing things and allowing more service participation.

If Hebrew school is of interest, the woman who runs the program, Ruth, is great and I am sure she would be happy to talk to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. We are going to go ahead and join and enroll DS in religious school. We'll reevaluate after a year. -OP

Fairfax county or no? The fact that you said 2x a week starts in 4th grade and reform made me wonder if it was ours!

We're in Montgomery County--OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Chabad OP. There’s no membership costs and the Hebrew fees are affordable. Best of all, it’s just one Sunday per week for 2 hours— even as they get older.

You’re suggesting Chabad to someone who barely goes to temple? It’s orthodox.

Yes! People make so many assumptions about Chabad that simply aren’t true. Kids who go to Chabad are mostly not observant. I have never felt more accepted and comfortable. We still rarely go to synagogue but our kids are learning Judaism in its most traditional fashion and they can pick and choose what they would like to incorporate in their lives when they are adults and have families of their own.

My son went to a conservative Hebrew school for two years. He hated it, we hated the scene. Felt more like high school than inclusive and welcoming. I thought that hating Hebrew school was a right of passage but it doesn’t have to be. Chabad is genuine, sincere and their teaching techniques are amazing. My kids have learned more Hebrew in one year going once a week than they ever did 2x a week for 2 years.

I would questioin whether Chabad is really Judaism's most traditional fashion on many grounds. from its cult of the rebbe, to its PR/marketing style, to its resistance (along with the rest of Orthodoxy) to evolution in halacha.

Conservative jewish schools and communities have lots of things they need to do to improve. But be aware that Chabad is so passionate because they think what they are doing will bring moshiach, and because they have an essentialist love for other Jews - all Jews (but not non-Jews) are intrinsically holy and love worthy, so your misdeeds can be overlooked. Its admirable, but also creepy. I don't want C Judaism to become like that, even if I want us to be warmer and more welcoming.

I also wonder if you have done anything in your shul to or school to make it better. So much of what I see among people with R or C beliefs who go to chabad, is a preference for a place where everything is done for you (not that there are not lay people helping make chabad communities work, but that is not asked of newcomers from R and C backgrounds, and its not as needed given the way entire chabad shaliach families devote themselves) To make a C shul better takes a lot of hard work, and some people don't want to do that. If anything, my greater admiration goes to the new independent minyan communities, which achieve a lot of the warmth that Chabad manages, without being right wing in theology or politics - but they tend to requite even more volunteer commitment than established C or R communities.

PP who questioned the Chabad suggestion here. I totally agree. I went to Shabbat at the Chabad House in grad school once and was immediately turned off by the fact that they separate men and women. Way too socially conservative for our family. They also seemed weirdly like they were trying to proselytize. We are considering our local conservative (but on the socially liberal side) shul for our daughter.

That's because they were, even if it's more subtle than the Lubavitchers who walk up to you on the street and ask you to shake the lulav at Sukkot or whatever. The reason Chabad is so warm and welcoming is they want less strict Jews to come to (or back to) the fold and become more observant. Now, if you can deal with that, it can be lovely. I went to some lovely Chabad seders as a college student. Way better than the crap ones the campus Hillel did, which always ran out of food before everyone was served. But make no mistake, Chabad is rigidly Orthodox. Separate seating for men and women, the works. I admire them but I wouldn't send my kids to Hebrew school there because I don't need them coming home after a few years and telling me how I'm doing everything wrong, or wanting to become strictly observant which I admire in others but have no desire to do myself.

OP, why don't you check out some Reform or Reconstructionist temples? Personally, having been raised Conservative, I can't sit thru a Reform service, but from what I've heard from friends their communities and Hebrew schools / instruction are far more dynamic and open than the typical Conservative shul.

I'm the non observant Chabad-goer. I believe that Judaism is what it is and shouldn't "bend" to suit the changing times, attitudes and behaviors of its followers for convenience's sake. I drive on Shabbat, I eat pork. I mix milk and meat. I try to fast on YK but I don't always make it. I am not made to feel guilty by anyone at Chabad... but what I try to do is incorporate one small thing each year into our family's lifestyle to become better Jews. This makes me feel good, and I think it's really good for my kids to see. If my kids asked me to bake a challah for Shabbat one Friday I'd be thrilled! How can you not, as a Jew, be proud of this?

The last few services I've gone to at a Reform temple had very little Hebrew and a ton of Liberal preaching. At the children's service, the rabbi told my kids that "Passover is about atoning for our sins against The Egyptians." Then, she had trouble remembering all 10 of the plagues, "That we, the Jewish People, brought on the Egyptians." At my cousin's bar mitzvah last year, I took my younger son out of the service, which was incredibly long with the guitar-playing Cantor and sermon about Social Justice, and brought him into the Children's Library. The rabbi, after the service was over, walked by the library and yelled at me for bringing my son there. We weren't messy, we weren't eating. How is this welcoming?!?!? Another friend of mine at the very popular Falls Church reform synagogue was kicked out of High Holiday services for bringing her newborn. I am not saying all services are like this but I think the trend is significant. Reform synagogues are losing site of the tradition and beauty of Judaism, the emphasis on learning and being proud of who we are and replacing it with something else. Whatever it is, it's not Judaism. I don't care what your politics are... the Jewish people aren't at fault for the plagues on Egypt. Even if you believe the bible is BS and none of it ever happened, it was G-d who brought the plagues on the Egyptians for enslaving Jews.

Sitting separately at Chabad was surprising at first, I admit. Now, I love it! If you ever go to a service you will see the men are stoic and very focused on prayer and the women are more diverse... some are very focused and others are chatting quietly. Have you ever sought to ask why men and women sit separately? The answer is simple- when you are in synagogue you are supposed to be focused on G-d and prayer and that's it. It's not some sort of convoluted gender inequality crap.

I have heard the cultish claim before and I have especially been warned that it can come on strong after bar mitzvah age. We as a family are comfortable and confident in who we are and I can assure you I will never wear a wig and give up my spare ribs and cheeseburgers. Perhaps my kids will and that is wonderful by me... I will feel proud that I gave them a strong foundation in Judaism so that they could choose their own way. I think the key here is "choice," which is a very Liberal and inclusive thought.

OP, glad to hear that your child will try out Hebrew School in the fall. Wherever you decided to go, I hope you find it to be really wonderful!

Well, I'm glad it works for you, but I like praying with my family. It's how I grew up. My mom wouldn't set foot in a shul if you paid her so my sister and I always went with my dad. We would have been upset if we'd had to sit in a separate women's section. Also, while Chabad may be different, the Orthodox shuls I've been in don't just have separate seating for the sexes. It's separate and unequal. E.g., the women are in the back behind a mechitzah, or upstairs in a balcony, and can't hear what's going on. Oh yes, and the child care is an issue. I have 2 young kids (18 months and 4). Good luck to me corralling them both in the women's section while trying to pray. Much easier if we can be together as a family. And I want my kids seeing both their parents pray.

As for the Reform stuff, like I said, I don't go. Just reporting on what friends of mine have said who find it much more welcoming. Obviously YMMV. Though I do agree on the religious stuff which is one reason I don't go to Reform services. To me it's barely Jewish at all. But OP has said she doesn't like traditional Judaism so perhaps she would like it. Frankly, at my Conservative shul, there is also far too much politics injected. Very rah-rah Israel and everything Israel does, most of which I strongly disagree with. I just want my nice traditional religious service -- sexes integrated -- and a nice, welcoming community, and that's it!

FWIW -- probably nothing -- my 90 year old grandparents, who grew up Orthodox and then were founding members of a Conservative shul, recently switched to a Reform synagogue because they found it far more inclusive and welcoming. They felt excluded and marginalized at the synagogue they founded and were lifelong members at. They had never liked Reform services and still don't, but they felt like the rabbis took a personal interest in them that had long been missing. They now go to a morning tisch every week and when my grandfather was in the hospital, one of the rabbis came to visit, brought food, followed up. However, they are in Detroit, so no help to OP.

Now, I love it! If you ever go to a service you will see the men are stoic and very focused on prayer and the women are more diverse... some are very focused and others are chatting quietly. Have you ever sought to ask why men and women sit separately? The answer is simple- when you are in synagogue you are supposed to be focused on G-d and prayer and that's it. It's not some sort of convoluted gender inequality crap.

First off, I have been to O synagogues where men chatted. I have also known women frustrated at the chatter on their side of the Mehitzah. And I see every shabbat people focused on prayer at our C shul. If you can't manage to focus with people of the opposite gender visible, feel free to wear your tallis over your head so you can't see people. But if you think gender equality is crap, or that gender inequality is not a problem in Judaism, then Conservative Judaism may not be for you.

I have heard the cultish claim before and I have especially been warned that it can come on strong after bar mitzvah age. We as a family are comfortable and confident in who we are and I can assure you I will never wear a wig and give up my spare ribs and cheeseburgers. Perhaps my kids will and that is wonderful by me... I will feel proud that I gave them a strong foundation in Judaism so that they could choose their own way. I think the key here is "choice," which is a very Liberal and inclusive thought.

Cultish not about making you give up cheeseburgers (CJ also encourages giving up cheese burgers). Its about the focus on the personality of the late Rebbe. Note this is a problem that non-Chabad Orthodox Jews have noted about Chabad.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. We are going to go ahead and join and enroll DS in religious school. We'll reevaluate after a year. -OP

Fairfax county or no? The fact that you said 2x a week starts in 4th grade and reform made me wonder if it was ours!

Anonymous wrote:

I'm the non observant Chabad-goer. I believe that Judaism is what it is and shouldn't "bend" to suit the changing times, attitudes and behaviors of its followers for convenience's sake. I drive on Shabbat, I eat pork. I mix milk and meat. I try to fast on YK but I don't always make it. I am not made to feel guilty by anyone at Chabad... but what I try to do is incorporate one small thing each year into our family's lifestyle to become better Jews. This makes me feel good, and I think it's really good for my kids to see. If my kids asked me to bake a challah for Shabbat one Friday I'd be thrilled! How can you not, as a Jew, be proud of this?

Judaism has evolved for changing times for 2000 years. Rabbinic Judaism was a change from biblical judaism to adapt to the changes of the Roman era, including the loss of the Temple. The notion that Judaism and halacha do not change is not true.

Conservative J does not change for the sake of convenience, but when there are larger issues at stake.

Incorporating one new observance each year is PRECISELY what CJ has asked of its members. Its a CJ approach, not a Chabad approach. Though realistically Chabad wont shame you for doing that.

BTW, I am Conservative Jew who does not eat pork, does not mix milk and meat, and tries to minimize driving on shabbat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Chabad OP. There’s no membership costs and the Hebrew fees are affordable. Best of all, it’s just one Sunday per week for 2 hours— even as they get older.

You’re suggesting Chabad to someone who barely goes to temple? It’s orthodox.

Yes! People make so many assumptions about Chabad that simply aren’t true. Kids who go to Chabad are mostly not observant. I have never felt more accepted and comfortable. We still rarely go to synagogue but our kids are learning Judaism in its most traditional fashion and they can pick and choose what they would like to incorporate in their lives when they are adults and have families of their own.

My son went to a conservative Hebrew school for two years. He hated it, we hated the scene. Felt more like high school than inclusive and welcoming. I thought that hating Hebrew school was a right of passage but it doesn’t have to be. Chabad is genuine, sincere and their teaching techniques are amazing. My kids have learned more Hebrew in one year going once a week than they ever did 2x a week for 2 years.

I would questioin whether Chabad is really Judaism's most traditional fashion on many grounds. from its cult of the rebbe, to its PR/marketing style, to its resistance (along with the rest of Orthodoxy) to evolution in halacha.

Conservative jewish schools and communities have lots of things they need to do to improve. But be aware that Chabad is so passionate because they think what they are doing will bring moshiach, and because they have an essentialist love for other Jews - all Jews (but not non-Jews) are intrinsically holy and love worthy, so your misdeeds can be overlooked. Its admirable, but also creepy. I don't want C Judaism to become like that, even if I want us to be warmer and more welcoming.

I also wonder if you have done anything in your shul to or school to make it better. So much of what I see among people with R or C beliefs who go to chabad, is a preference for a place where everything is done for you (not that there are not lay people helping make chabad communities work, but that is not asked of newcomers from R and C backgrounds, and its not as needed given the way entire chabad shaliach families devote themselves) To make a C shul better takes a lot of hard work, and some people don't want to do that. If anything, my greater admiration goes to the new independent minyan communities, which achieve a lot of the warmth that Chabad manages, without being right wing in theology or politics - but they tend to requite even more volunteer commitment than established C or R communities.

PP who questioned the Chabad suggestion here. I totally agree. I went to Shabbat at the Chabad House in grad school once and was immediately turned off by the fact that they separate men and women. Way too socially conservative for our family. They also seemed weirdly like they were trying to proselytize. We are considering our local conservative (but on the socially liberal side) shul for our daughter.

That's because they were, even if it's more subtle than the Lubavitchers who walk up to you on the street and ask you to shake the lulav at Sukkot or whatever. The reason Chabad is so warm and welcoming is they want less strict Jews to come to (or back to) the fold and become more observant. Now, if you can deal with that, it can be lovely. I went to some lovely Chabad seders as a college student. Way better than the crap ones the campus Hillel did, which always ran out of food before everyone was served. But make no mistake, Chabad is rigidly Orthodox. Separate seating for men and women, the works. I admire them but I wouldn't send my kids to Hebrew school there because I don't need them coming home after a few years and telling me how I'm doing everything wrong, or wanting to become strictly observant which I admire in others but have no desire to do myself.

OP, why don't you check out some Reform or Reconstructionist temples? Personally, having been raised Conservative, I can't sit thru a Reform service, but from what I've heard from friends their communities and Hebrew schools / instruction are far more dynamic and open than the typical Conservative shul.

I'm the non observant Chabad-goer. I believe that Judaism is what it is and shouldn't "bend" to suit the changing times, attitudes and behaviors of its followers for convenience's sake. I drive on Shabbat, I eat pork. I mix milk and meat. I try to fast on YK but I don't always make it. I am not made to feel guilty by anyone at Chabad... but what I try to do is incorporate one small thing each year into our family's lifestyle to become better Jews. This makes me feel good, and I think it's really good for my kids to see. If my kids asked me to bake a challah for Shabbat one Friday I'd be thrilled! How can you not, as a Jew, be proud of this?

The last few services I've gone to at a Reform temple had very little Hebrew and a ton of Liberal preaching. At the children's service, the rabbi told my kids that "Passover is about atoning for our sins against The Egyptians." Then, she had trouble remembering all 10 of the plagues, "That we, the Jewish People, brought on the Egyptians." At my cousin's bar mitzvah last year, I took my younger son out of the service, which was incredibly long with the guitar-playing Cantor and sermon about Social Justice, and brought him into the Children's Library. The rabbi, after the service was over, walked by the library and yelled at me for bringing my son there. We weren't messy, we weren't eating. How is this welcoming?!?!? Another friend of mine at the very popular Falls Church reform synagogue was kicked out of High Holiday services for bringing her newborn. I am not saying all services are like this but I think the trend is significant. Reform synagogues are losing site of the tradition and beauty of Judaism, the emphasis on learning and being proud of who we are and replacing it with something else. Whatever it is, it's not Judaism. I don't care what your politics are... the Jewish people aren't at fault for the plagues on Egypt. Even if you believe the bible is BS and none of it ever happened, it was G-d who brought the plagues on the Egyptians for enslaving Jews.

Sitting separately at Chabad was surprising at first, I admit. Now, I love it! If you ever go to a service you will see the men are stoic and very focused on prayer and the women are more diverse... some are very focused and others are chatting quietly. Have you ever sought to ask why men and women sit separately? The answer is simple- when you are in synagogue you are supposed to be focused on G-d and prayer and that's it. It's not some sort of convoluted gender inequality crap.

I have heard the cultish claim before and I have especially been warned that it can come on strong after bar mitzvah age. We as a family are comfortable and confident in who we are and I can assure you I will never wear a wig and give up my spare ribs and cheeseburgers. Perhaps my kids will and that is wonderful by me... I will feel proud that I gave them a strong foundation in Judaism so that they could choose their own way. I think the key here is "choice," which is a very Liberal and inclusive thought.

OP, glad to hear that your child will try out Hebrew School in the fall. Wherever you decided to go, I hope you find it to be really wonderful!

Thanks all. We are going to go ahead and join and enroll DS in religious school. We'll reevaluate after a year. -OP

I think talking to some local clergy and shopping around for a synagogue that will 'feel' right could really help. I lot of people I know (my husband included) who grew up conservative have similar thoughts. I grew up Reform and really loved my experience as a kid - learning about religion taught me about philosophy and gave me a reference point to help put the world into context - and the flexibility to disregard what I didn't agree with or care for. When we were looking for our kids, we went for convenience mostly, but I also wanted to join a synagogue that's open to all sorts of families. When I heard from several non-Jewish partners that they love the synagogue I felt much better about the choice (even though we're both Jewish - I want my kids to grow up someplace where they'll always feel like they have a spiritual home, no matter who they fall in love with some day). I don't think the conservative movement is there yet fully - and Reform is more embracing of different ideologies, backgrounds - and honestly I think more open to the fun and joy that should be part and parcel of celebrating 3000 years of tradition.

PP with an interfaith marriage,

There are lots of places now particularly at reform congregations where you would not be othered. At my congregation, Temple Micah, the Rabbi and community are fully supportive of interfaith couples and really walk the walk on that. He performs a special blessing at High Holy Day services thanking the non-Jewish members of our community for all that they do. He performs interfaith marriages and many members of the Temple leadership are intermarried, including multiple past presidents. Also fully respectful of differing beliefs/attitudes and very focused on the intellectual/political aspects of Jewish life as well as the purely religious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're debating the same thing. Except that I'm Jewish and my husband is not (raised Christian but not religious now, with no plans to convert.) I'd kind of like us to join a congregation and I want our children to have a Jewish education but worry that most places will make us feel awkward.

Not sure where you are, but Kol Shalom in Rockville just changed its policies to allow non-Jewish family members to fully (or virtually fully, not sure son-Jew could read from the Torah during services) participate.

Thank you - this is not too far from us (within 20 minutes). I'm not sure husband wants to participate, just to attend services and learn a little about Judaism for now. I just don't want us to be "othered".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Chabad OP. There’s no membership costs and the Hebrew fees are affordable. Best of all, it’s just one Sunday per week for 2 hours— even as they get older.

You’re suggesting Chabad to someone who barely goes to temple? It’s orthodox.

Yes! People make so many assumptions about Chabad that simply aren’t true. Kids who go to Chabad are mostly not observant. I have never felt more accepted and comfortable. We still rarely go to synagogue but our kids are learning Judaism in its most traditional fashion and they can pick and choose what they would like to incorporate in their lives when they are adults and have families of their own.

My son went to a conservative Hebrew school for two years. He hated it, we hated the scene. Felt more like high school than inclusive and welcoming. I thought that hating Hebrew school was a right of passage but it doesn’t have to be. Chabad is genuine, sincere and their teaching techniques are amazing. My kids have learned more Hebrew in one year going once a week than they ever did 2x a week for 2 years.

I would questioin whether Chabad is really Judaism's most traditional fashion on many grounds. from its cult of the rebbe, to its PR/marketing style, to its resistance (along with the rest of Orthodoxy) to evolution in halacha.

Conservative jewish schools and communities have lots of things they need to do to improve. But be aware that Chabad is so passionate because they think what they are doing will bring moshiach, and because they have an essentialist love for other Jews - all Jews (but not non-Jews) are intrinsically holy and love worthy, so your misdeeds can be overlooked. Its admirable, but also creepy. I don't want C Judaism to become like that, even if I want us to be warmer and more welcoming.

I also wonder if you have done anything in your shul to or school to make it better. So much of what I see among people with R or C beliefs who go to chabad, is a preference for a place where everything is done for you (not that there are not lay people helping make chabad communities work, but that is not asked of newcomers from R and C backgrounds, and its not as needed given the way entire chabad shaliach families devote themselves) To make a C shul better takes a lot of hard work, and some people don't want to do that. If anything, my greater admiration goes to the new independent minyan communities, which achieve a lot of the warmth that Chabad manages, without being right wing in theology or politics - but they tend to requite even more volunteer commitment than established C or R communities.

PP who questioned the Chabad suggestion here. I totally agree. I went to Shabbat at the Chabad House in grad school once and was immediately turned off by the fact that they separate men and women. Way too socially conservative for our family. They also seemed weirdly like they were trying to proselytize. We are considering our local conservative (but on the socially liberal side) shul for our daughter.

That's because they were, even if it's more subtle than the Lubavitchers who walk up to you on the street and ask you to shake the lulav at Sukkot or whatever. The reason Chabad is so warm and welcoming is they want less strict Jews to come to (or back to) the fold and become more observant. Now, if you can deal with that, it can be lovely. I went to some lovely Chabad seders as a college student. Way better than the crap ones the campus Hillel did, which always ran out of food before everyone was served. But make no mistake, Chabad is rigidly Orthodox. Separate seating for men and women, the works. I admire them but I wouldn't send my kids to Hebrew school there because I don't need them coming home after a few years and telling me how I'm doing everything wrong, or wanting to become strictly observant which I admire in others but have no desire to do myself.

OP, why don't you check out some Reform or Reconstructionist temples? Personally, having been raised Conservative, I can't sit thru a Reform service, but from what I've heard from friends their communities and Hebrew schools / instruction are far more dynamic and open than the typical Conservative shul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you can't afford dues are you not allowed to go to a Jewish temple?

No, if you can't afford it, almost all temples will waive or reduce dues. If you can afford it, but choose to spend money elsewhere, that is a different issue. Someone has to pay for the building, the rabbi, other staff (including Hebrew school teachers), etc. Unlike in most churches, there is no passing the plate to raise funds.

How much does it cost?

I think it varies by congregation and there are often discounts for younger folks (not to mention more broadly for need). Generally, $2-3k I would say.