Anonymous wrote:You are extremely rude for judging every action this kid takes. Just because he’s not what you are accustomed to does not mean his behavior is outside the norm. If you are hosting then surely you must have better manners than you have displayed? Monitor your own behavior first, OP.

I have actually seen a grown azzed adult take about half or more of the food off of a platter of food that was intended to serve everyone at the table. Not cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being way too nice. If I noticed him eating all the snacks, I'd remind him that they are for everyone and that he needs to slow down or replace them. If we went out to eat, I'd expect him to pay for his meal at 19. And if he showed himself to be reasonable, I'd probably offer to pay at the end of the meal once or twice. Once I was in college, I paid for my meals out even if I was home with my family, unless my dad offered.

I wouldn't hold it against him. Some people received no home training, and at 19 he's learning. But I would definitely let him know what is unacceptable around me.

Yeah, he is ruining your vacation, why not try to ruin his!

Good Lord people... OP allowed her son to invite him. Don't be so petty.

How does asking him to be respectful of others and share the food that is available "ruin" his vacation? It doesn't have to be a lecture. "Hey Larlo, you really liked those cookies! Why don't you go pick up another box so the rest of us can have some (jokingly)"

I seriously don't understand how so many of y'all walk through life unable to open your mouths and talk, and at the same time take everything anyone says to the absolute extreme. 19 year olds don't pick up on subtlety or nuance. If something he is doing is upsetting you, you're going to have to tell him. And that's better than stewing, calling him a glutton, and eventually hating him.

It's not OP's job to educate him or teach him good manners. OP's son invited him. OP let him. Now she is calling a glutton. I just don't think that's very nice. It's OP who made the mistake of letting this happen. She needs to own it rather than calling names.

It's not about educating him necessarily, though at 19 he's still learning, but about OP drawing her own boundaries. You're right she's letting all of it happen, and calling a kid a glutton is messed up. But inviting him on the trip wasnt the mistake. It was kind. Now all she needs to do is set boundaries. "Everyone's budget tonight is $20" "Everyone grab something to carry" "Boys, you all are on cleanup duty tonight" It's not hard, and OP can easily enjoy her vacation if she just speaks up.

Go to the nearest Costco or Walmart (I am assuming you are vacationing in the US), load up on inexpensive, bulk snacks for hungry 19 year olds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being way too nice. If I noticed him eating all the snacks, I'd remind him that they are for everyone and that he needs to slow down or replace them. If we went out to eat, I'd expect him to pay for his meal at 19. And if he showed himself to be reasonable, I'd probably offer to pay at the end of the meal once or twice. Once I was in college, I paid for my meals out even if I was home with my family, unless my dad offered.

I wouldn't hold it against him. Some people received no home training, and at 19 he's learning. But I would definitely let him know what is unacceptable around me.

Yeah, he is ruining your vacation, why not try to ruin his!

Good Lord people... OP allowed her son to invite him. Don't be so petty.

How does asking him to be respectful of others and share the food that is available "ruin" his vacation? It doesn't have to be a lecture. "Hey Larlo, you really liked those cookies! Why don't you go pick up another box so the rest of us can have some (jokingly)"

I seriously don't understand how so many of y'all walk through life unable to open your mouths and talk, and at the same time take everything anyone says to the absolute extreme. 19 year olds don't pick up on subtlety or nuance. If something he is doing is upsetting you, you're going to have to tell him. And that's better than stewing, calling him a glutton, and eventually hating him.

Take him and the other boys to the store. Tell them to go in a buy their own snacks. That way they will know better than to break into the package of cookies that you are saving to dole out to the younger kids/yourself.

You don't seem to be around teenage boys much. Does your son go to his friends' houses a lot?

You are extremely rude for judging every action this kid takes. Just because he’s not what you are accustomed to does not mean his behavior is outside the norm. If you are hosting then surely you must have better manners than you have displayed? Monitor your own behavior first, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being way too nice. If I noticed him eating all the snacks, I'd remind him that they are for everyone and that he needs to slow down or replace them. If we went out to eat, I'd expect him to pay for his meal at 19. And if he showed himself to be reasonable, I'd probably offer to pay at the end of the meal once or twice. Once I was in college, I paid for my meals out even if I was home with my family, unless my dad offered.

I wouldn't hold it against him. Some people received no home training, and at 19 he's learning. But I would definitely let him know what is unacceptable around me.

Yeah, he is ruining your vacation, why not try to ruin his!

Good Lord people... OP allowed her son to invite him. Don't be so petty.

How does asking him to be respectful of others and share the food that is available "ruin" his vacation? It doesn't have to be a lecture. "Hey Larlo, you really liked those cookies! Why don't you go pick up another box so the rest of us can have some (jokingly)"

I seriously don't understand how so many of y'all walk through life unable to open your mouths and talk, and at the same time take everything anyone says to the absolute extreme. 19 year olds don't pick up on subtlety or nuance. If something he is doing is upsetting you, you're going to have to tell him. And that's better than stewing, calling him a glutton, and eventually hating him.

It's not OP's job to educate him or teach him good manners. OP's son invited him. OP let him. Now she is calling a glutton. I just don't think that's very nice. It's OP who made the mistake of letting this happen. She needs to own it rather than calling names.

Anonymous wrote:OP- it sounds like all of his behavior bothers you more because he's overweight and fixated on food (i.e. hungry all the time). It's not that the other behavior isn't irritating, but it's his weight and food obsession that seems to be the reason you don't like him.

I'm not saying that to stir a pot- it's truly what it sounds like. Maybe examine that and do what the other pp said- let everyone know that they are expected to pitch in. You can do this without singling him out. Personally, I would pay for his meals, however.

You could make him mindful of what he is ordering- "Hey Joe, the lobster looks amazing, but it's $55, can you pick something less pricey?" I think this can be done without humiliating him-- he probably sees something he likes on the menu and just goes for it- to be selfish but because he doesn't think about the price. Maybe his parents paid for everything and never brought up the price, or maybe he hasn't been in many nice restaurants and doesn't know what is okay/not okay to order when he's not paying.

should say "not" to be selfish

Also, I have younger tween son- he's skinny as a rail and eats his weight in food everyday. He would eat an entire package of Oreos, all the bread in the house, a jar of Nutella, breakfast and lunch, and still want a steak and a plate of fries for dinner. I can't even imagine it when he's a teen. If he didn't have my supercharged metabolism, he would be overweight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being way too nice. If I noticed him eating all the snacks, I'd remind him that they are for everyone and that he needs to slow down or replace them. If we went out to eat, I'd expect him to pay for his meal at 19. And if he showed himself to be reasonable, I'd probably offer to pay at the end of the meal once or twice. Once I was in college, I paid for my meals out even if I was home with my family, unless my dad offered.

I wouldn't hold it against him. Some people received no home training, and at 19 he's learning. But I would definitely let him know what is unacceptable around me.

Yeah, he is ruining your vacation, why not try to ruin his!

Good Lord people... OP allowed her son to invite him. Don't be so petty.

How does asking him to be respectful of others and share the food that is available "ruin" his vacation? It doesn't have to be a lecture. "Hey Larlo, you really liked those cookies! Why don't you go pick up another box so the rest of us can have some (jokingly)"

I seriously don't understand how so many of y'all walk through life unable to open your mouths and talk, and at the same time take everything anyone says to the absolute extreme. 19 year olds don't pick up on subtlety or nuance. If something he is doing is upsetting you, you're going to have to tell him. And that's better than stewing, calling him a glutton, and eventually hating him.

Didn’t you know him well before inviting him in your family vacation? No sympathy here. He’s an adult man and so is your son. You didn’t have to bring either of them. My parents left me at home for a week when I was 19 because I was home from college and didn’t want to go on a family vacation with a much younger sibling. My high school aged sister was also there. We had relatives in the immediate neighborhood and they checked in on us. My parents never offered to take friends on family vacations.

OP- it sounds like all of his behavior bothers you more because he's overweight and fixated on food (i.e. hungry all the time). It's not that the other behavior isn't irritating, but it's his weight and food obsession that seems to be the reason you don't like him.

I'm not saying that to stir a pot- it's truly what it sounds like. Maybe examine that and do what the other pp said- let everyone know that they are expected to pitch in. You can do this without singling him out. Personally, I would pay for his meals, however.

You could make him mindful of what he is ordering- "Hey Joe, the lobster looks amazing, but it's $55, can you pick something less pricey?" I think this can be done without humiliating him-- he probably sees something he likes on the menu and just goes for it- to be selfish but because he doesn't think about the price. Maybe his parents paid for everything and never brought up the price, or maybe he hasn't been in many nice restaurants and doesn't know what is okay/not okay to order when he's not paying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled by the idea that a 19yo didn't bring his own sunscreen, but instead waited for his friend's mommy to provide it.

Do you know many college aged boys? He probably would've just done without.

Seriously, that’s exactly what I’d expect from a 19yo male. Come to think of it, I’d expect the vast majority of older, married men to show up at the beach and ask their wives for the sunscreen because they’ve never taken the responsibility for it.

+1

Anonymous wrote:How do you think overweight people get that way?

This is exactly how my obese niece is.

Everything revolves around food for her and the access to it. She sat with her phone after we picked an activity for the day and looked at the places to eat near the activity, checked their Yelp reviews, examined the menus, etc.

The teen cousins all wanted to go on this boat tour but the only time available that day for 10 people was from 1-3. She threw a mini temper tantrum when she realized that the launch site wasn't around any food options. Someone suggested eating an early lunch which wouldn't work for her because "I just ate breakfast like an hour ago. I won't be hungry to eat enough to hold me until 4 when we get home!" Someone else suggested getting some fast food and eating it on the way which didn't work for her because "you know I get car sick if I eat in the car!" So finally someone suggested packing a picnic lunch and eating at the site before boarding the boat which she wasn't happy with because "then I'll be eating right before getting on the boat and I might get sick. Just go without me!"

People like this definitely suck the fun out of things with their food fixations.

Stop taking them to restaurants where there is market price anything. Pizza, ordered at home, should be find for them for dinner. They are 19. Leave them at home and go out to a restaurant by yourselves.

Otherwise, make sure you take them out for the cheapest most filling meals possible, and buy stuff so they can have cheaper Mel's at home. Like pasta, or tacos or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled by the idea that a 19yo didn't bring his own sunscreen, but instead waited for his friend's mommy to provide it.

Do you know many college aged boys? He probably would've just done without.

Seriously, that’s exactly what I’d expect from a 19yo male. Come to think of it, I’d expect the vast majority of older, married men to show up at the beach and ask their wives for the sunscreen because they’ve never taken the responsibility for it.

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being way too nice. If I noticed him eating all the snacks, I'd remind him that they are for everyone and that he needs to slow down or replace them. If we went out to eat, I'd expect him to pay for his meal at 19. And if he showed himself to be reasonable, I'd probably offer to pay at the end of the meal once or twice. Once I was in college, I paid for my meals out even if I was home with my family, unless my dad offered.

I wouldn't hold it against him. Some people received no home training, and at 19 he's learning. But I would definitely let him know what is unacceptable around me.

Yeah, he is ruining your vacation, why not try to ruin his!

Good Lord people... OP allowed her son to invite him. Don't be so petty.