Anonymous wrote:I look down on women who look at their husbands as providers.

Why? Men are unable to bear children and generally expect women to do the lion's share of child care. A man who wants a family and expects to do less than 50 percent of the care should be a good provider.

No, I don't. We need men in all kinds of roles and positions and those men are going ot be someone's husband.

I think it helps when both people have similar incomes. Be they low, medium, or high. When there is significant disparity is when it gets hard. Particularly when it is the man who is lower as social expectations are such that men who make less than their wives, especially if not in professional roles, are looked down on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also how much should a man earn in order to be considered a "good provider?"

100k?150k+?

I make this amount myself. And I've never looked for a "good provider" since this is not the 50s. Are you like a 65yo?

If you're younger than that, I'm really in disbelief that women still think this way in 2018. I'm in my 30s and I don't know anyone like this. SMH.

I know 450-500k is a minimum for this area. OP 150k is not enough in this area. If you have two kids going to a private, it’s 45k each(with all the additional fundraising hit ups) per year after taxes.

The same amount a married woman should earn.

I look down on women who can't support themselves. I can't imagine being one secretary-in-a-short-skirt away from destitution.

Anonymous wrote:No, but I do have an instinctual aversion to women who talk about men as "providers."

Likewise! I don't need a "provider." I can provide for myself and did for years before I was married. At one point I out-earned my husband, and I liked it that way. Now we are about the same.

I look down on anyone who marries an unproductive spouse. But productive can be many things, including being a stay at home parent or volunteer. And of course there are always extenuating circumstances like illness. So really I only judge if you marry a man-child who sits on his ass all day playing video games.

But you know what -- I also think it's ridiculous that women marry men who expect them to be 24-hour cooks and maids.

Anonymous wrote:No, but I do look down on women who marry a man based on his provider status. DH and I both make a decent living and could provide for our family of four on our own in a pinch but do better as a two-income family. Notably, I do not personally know many very high earners who are also very involved parents and personally, I'd rather the latter from myself and my husband. We have both made career choices that have limited our income in favor of increased flexibility and time with our kids.

Yeah, it is hard to be that involved when you work more than 60 hours a week. Let's be honest. There are only so many hours in a day.

Some few lucky people have reasonable hours with pretty high salaries, but they are the minority.

My husband's income alone will probably not do it, but my oh my is he a great, involved father.

If someone offered to double or triple his income if he could work a little more the answer will be no thanks. We have it pretty good.

But free money, oh yes, I will take.

So while I do not envy men who make more and work longer hours, I think men who have inheritances and non-crazy families(that's another issue-family with money can be pretty crazy) have it pretty good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also how much should a man earn in order to be considered a "good provider?"

100k?150k+?

I think the provider term is gross, but let's say I acknowledge the term. I would not consider a man a good provider at $150K. If a man were to provide for me (barf), I'd want him to make at least $350K so that I can live comfortably and have what I want. Higher than that would be even better, obviously, but $350K would be my baseline if I were looking for a provider. $350K and no debt, just to be clear.

So this guy needs to own houses in Mclean and the coast of Maine, free and clear and make 350k to be a good provider. A multi millionaire, in other words.

You had better be smoking, ouch I burnt my finger hot, but your attitude precludes it.

Who said anything about Maine?

McLean or similar? Sure.

For me?

Starting at 450k.

I don’t care what other people do. I don’t look down on anyone. 100-150k isn’t enough money for the type of lifestyle I want though (nothing fancy, typical UMC).

No, but I do look down on women who marry a man based on his provider status. DH and I both make a decent living and could provide for our family of four on our own in a pinch but do better as a two-income family. Notably, I do not personally know many very high earners who are also very involved parents and personally, I'd rather the latter from myself and my husband. We have both made career choices that have limited our income in favor of increased flexibility and time with our kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also how much should a man earn in order to be considered a "good provider?"

100k?150k+?

I think the provider term is gross, but let's say I acknowledge the term. I would not consider a man a good provider at $150K. If a man were to provide for me (barf), I'd want him to make at least $350K so that I can live comfortably and have what I want. Higher than that would be even better, obviously, but $350K would be my baseline if I were looking for a provider. $350K and no debt, just to be clear.

So this guy needs to own houses in Mclean and the coast of Maine, free and clear and make 350k to be a good provider. A multi millionaire, in other words.

You had better be smoking, ouch I burnt my finger hot, but your attitude precludes it.

Anonymous wrote:Also how much should a man earn in order to be considered a "good provider?"

100k?150k+?

I think the provider term is gross, but let's say I acknowledge the term. I would not consider a man a good provider at $150K. If a man were to provide for me (barf), I'd want him to make at least $350K so that I can live comfortably and have what I want. Higher than that would be even better, obviously, but $350K would be my baseline if I were looking for a provider. $350K and no debt, just to be clear.

Anonymous wrote:Also how much should a man earn in order to be considered a "good provider?"

100k?150k+?

I make this amount myself. And I've never looked for a "good provider" since this is not the 50s. Are you like a 65yo?

If you're younger than that, I'm really in disbelief that women still think this way in 2018. I'm in my 30s and I don't know anyone like this. SMH.

I didn't marry my DH because I thought he would be a good provider especially since I was making the same amount as him. Among the many reasons I married him was that I sensed he had great potential....as did I.....and that we would be very compatible in terms of an interest in careers. He had an incredible career (he recently retired) so I made a very good choice. I too had a good career but his success allowed me to pursue jobs I loved even if the income was only so so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I do have an instinctual aversion to women who talk about men as "providers."

Same. It's gross.

Mw too. It's strange and I insulting to men. This is the first place I've encountered this sort of behavior.