Don't even think of this. Get the divorce and move on. If you out earn him and he is legally entitled to support and half of the community assets, then suck it up and pay him. He's not being greedy - he's entitled to it, just like any spouse in his position. Offer him a buy out if you want to disentangle asap, but do whatever it takes to just get it done.

Trust me, you'll be much happier once you have your life back.

Why, op, do you want to live this way? It sounds miserable.

If you two can get along well enough to want to live together, then you can fix the marriage. It's probably that you don't have the tools and resources to do this, it's actually easy to find all types of ways to end a marriage, and very little to rebuild and sustain one.


First, be nice to each other. Be kind. Be physically affectionate. Do as many activities together as you can. If he likes to volunteer, join him, even if it's not something you'd normally do. My husband is a Democrat and I offered to join him when he wanted to volunteer with the local Democrats. I am a Republican. I wanted to know why he wanted to volunteer, and why he liked the Democrats' position on issues. You can't really get a sense of that without seeing someone doing something they really care about. I wasn't going to change his mind, or to have my mind changed, I simply wanted to be there with him. Your husband's job will be to do similar things for you, and you both need to convey to the people you interact with that you are each other's beloved and main priority.


Second, do date activities. Don't discuss the money aspects unless it is truly more then you can afford. Example, my husband wasn't sure why I wanted to see totally in the 2017 Great American Eclipse. He couldn't understand what was so special about 2 minutes and 30 seconds of darkness. We went, and had a wonderful time. He desperately wanted to see Hamilton, and I wasn't sure what the fuss was about. We went, and it was wonderful to the point we have been reading about the American Revolution and listening to the sound track for a long time now.

Third, do wholesome activities with your kids that focus on the family. We like to go to a cat cafe and play with the cats. We also do day trips, and we've started watching movies after church. If you guys thrive off of sports, that's fine, but if you are looking at the weather forecast hoping that Saturday's game gets canceled each week, sports aren't wholesome for your family. This is doubly so if you are arguing about who's turn it is to take the kids to games and practice, or if the games and practices are interfering with your sexy time.


Realize that there are whole industries that exist to dissolve marriages, and there are industries that are designed to create weddings, but once the wedding is over, there really is no place you can go that will help you sustain or fix a marriage. Don't forget this.

Anonymous wrote:If you have that level of income, why don't you each get an apartment and leave the kids in the home. You have a regular custody schedule, except instead of passing the kids back and forth you hand off the front door keys.

I would assume this is what OP meant. We know a family who did this - for 15 years!

I assume your children are younger than 4? By all means, uproot them. The older one may have periods of confusion and sadness, of course. But my the time s/he is able to develop lasting memories, divorced parents will be the new normal. Just be sure you seek therapy for them if that's age-appropriate now or later. Just to check in and manage their feelings. Sounds like you can definitely afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are approaching this as a business decision. It's not.

Exactly ! Marriage should not be a business decision. This would remove the $ from the decision. Though I’m sure the legal industrial complex wouldn’t like that.

Women wouldn't like it either. Every woman tries as hard as she can to marry a man who makes more than she does, and if she does have to divorce, goes for the jugular on alimony and child support.

Anonymous wrote:If you have that level of income, why don't you each get an apartment and leave the kids in the home. You have a regular custody schedule, except instead of passing the kids back and forth you hand off the front door keys.

You are so smart. Great idea!

If you have that level of income, why don't you each get an apartment and leave the kids in the home. You have a regular custody schedule, except instead of passing the kids back and forth you hand off the front door keys.

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will be happier if they can see their parents happy separately.

You're totally in the wrong by wanting to keep living with their father as roomates.

I'm 6:52. I agree that being roommates forever is not the best path. Most likely you will both want a new relationship with all that entails. When there is a timeline for how things will go, reasonable people can make it work.

Your kids will be happier if they can see their parents happy separately.

You're totally in the wrong by wanting to keep living with their father as roomates.

My ex-wife and I lived under the same roof in different bedrooms for about 18 months while we worked out the details of how our divorce would go. Mostly we did this for finances but also for the kids' drop off and pick up schedule. We both miss seeing them every day now that Ive moved out, I know, but I live close enough that it's faster to walk than drive and "mom's house" and "dad's house" are known terms to our toddler.

We told our friends and family during this period.

Divorce was huge and shattering. But living in the same house really wasn't that big a deal. The smartest thing I did was wait for her to start dating first before moving on.

If you both are committed to doing what's best for the kids instead of just trying to hurt each other, anything can work.

I would only recommend your idea of living under the same roof if you + your spouse had a really exceptional ability to live together stablely & raise your children as a team.

Many divorced couples couldn’t do this, especially so soon after divorcing....
But if you can, then more power to you both.

Anonymous wrote:Are all women who get alimony greedy idiots?

Yes

The whole point of divorce is to extricate yourself from daily life with a person you no longer want to do life with. Honestly if this is the arrangement you want, just stay married.

Anonymous wrote:Uproot the kids. They will be relieved.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Is this kind of arrangement even possible? I thought couples had to be physically separated (not living under the same roof) for a minimum of 12 months before divorce can proceed? Barring serious issues like domestic violence, incarceration, etc. How do you get around the 12-month separation period?

That’s not required in every state.