(Sigh. Smile) "I hate swimming in this pool. The water is far too chlorinated and cold."

Just tell them the truth, darn it.

My IL's are the same way about drinking. Their life of entertaining revolves around wine and margaritas. If you aren't drinking with them daily when visiting they act like you are a stick in the mud. (And I like to drink, just not everyday!)

Anonymous wrote:I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.

The people you care about can decide on their own if they want to get in or not. They are not getting in because you haven’t invited them, but because they don’t want to—respect that choice. They respect yours.

Anonymous wrote:I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.

Think of something someelse takes pleasure in that you dislike, and being strong armed into doing it (skiing, quilting bee, board gaming, pulling weeds. Etc.)

Anonymous wrote:Are you overweight? If you are, maybe they think you need lots of encouragement to be able to get into the pool. Maybe they think they're helping.

I don't understand why your DH doesn't get it.

DP. WTF? I've hated the pool since I was a kid. I hate how the assumption about people who dislike the pool must dislike it because of weight. People like you are ignorant. OP, tell them straight up you dislike the pool, and being pressured to get in when you really dislike it only adds to your reluctance to even go sit by the pool with them.

Anonymous wrote:I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.

It feels great ... TO YOU. Not to me. I am unsettled when I get water in my ears and they pop. I wear contacts and can't open my eyes underwater, and if I take them out, I can't see well and feel super cautious. I was pushed underwater by a camp counselor once, and hosed down by another person once, and couldn't find the "ground" yet another time so do NOT find freedom and pleasure in swimming. It does NOT feel great to me. It is a scary thing that I push myself to do once a year to prove to myself that I conquer my fears. That's it.

NP. They don't want to have to sit and entertain you. Just say that you don't want to swim, thanks, but they should feel free to do whatever they want.

I think your in laws just dont want you to feel like you have to stay out of the pool and talk to them. They prob just dont want them to feel like one person has to stay out and entertain them. Duh.

I think one has to react to this type of unwelcome urging in such a way that the urgers will think twice before trying that again. We all have a family member (often dad or granddad) who everyone avoids conflict with, "Don't upset dad!" because the results are not worth it.

I think you can accomplish this without totally alienating them. After you react in such a way that there is no uncertainty that they should shut up about it, then smile sweetly and open a new topic of conversation.

Anonymous wrote:You should just give it back to them.

ILs "Go in the pool. Go on, get in."

You "Not this time, but you go in."

ILs "No, we don't like to swim."

You, "Go on. Get in. It'll be great fun."

IL's "No"

You, "Oh, come on. I know the kids would love to play in the water with you. Go on."

ILs [change of subject to anything but the pool]


I bet if you keep doing that EVERY time they suggest you go in, they'll eventually stop asking because they know it would trigger you badgering them to go in.

Perfect response—love this!

Anonymous wrote:I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.

But do you really think an adult does not understand on his/her own what it feels like to get in a cool pool on a hot day? if they declined, it’s bc they don’t want to go in, likely not because they don’t know the water temp (and if that was the issue, they’d ask you or dip a toe in).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the pool. I say no thank you nicely and then a sturn, “I said no thank you,” If asked again

This is what I do when people are irritating me about something. I don’t drink and have a fairly limited palate, and some people just won’t let it go. I repeat “no thank you” without elaborating until I get too annoyed, then I go stern with “I said no thank you”.

I said Good DAY, Sir. GOOD. DAY.

I love you.

+1

I like to swim and will go into a pool on occasion, but this happens to me as well, all - the - time. It also happens to me if I choose not to eat the dessert, or play the new cornhole game, or whatever. I do not understand why adults push other adults so hard to do something they have declined to do. Like another pp said, it’s not like I’ve never done or seen these things before. It’s not rude for them to push me, but it would be “insulting” for me to say, “no thanks, I don’t enjoy it/like it.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the pool. I say no thank you nicely and then a sturn, “I said no thank you,” If asked again

This is what I do when people are irritating me about something. I don’t drink and have a fairly limited palate, and some people just won’t let it go. I repeat “no thank you” without elaborating until I get too annoyed, then I go stern with “I said no thank you”.

I said Good DAY, Sir. GOOD. DAY.

I love you.

I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.