Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm old, but I believe in the "never come empty handed" rule.

That almost always means wine, but sometimes I bring food -- which I fully expect the host NOT to serve that night and which could go straight in the garbage if that's what the host prefers. It's a gift -- the host can do with it what she pleases.

I truly don't see how you couldn't find a use for these items, though, OP -- cheese can be served anytime or used in cooking, have the blueberries for breakfast and the pasta salad for lunch. What is the big deal?

NP. It's not a big deal, I think even OP knows that. But, yeah, it's annoying. I like my fridge a certain way, and when it is chock-a-block around the holidays or what have you, it drives me a bit bonkers.

Plus, you're assuming OP and her family like every single leftover. Two-day-old pasta salad doesn't appeal to everyone.

Yeah, just throw it away. Who cares.

I was recently told to just "bring yourself" - although we brought a 6 pack and bottle of wine. I wouldn't bring food but fine to bring booze

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are complaining about 5 beers, half a log of goat cheese, and some fresh fruit in your fridge. The goat cheese would have been gone immediately because I’m a goat cheese lover and I would have tossed the pasta salad right away. This is not something to think about for more than 30 seconds.

You would throw out perfectly good food, why?

Because I don’t really like pasta salad and no one in my house would eat it either. I don’t feel the need to keep every little leftover around and then fret about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are complaining about 5 beers, half a log of goat cheese, and some fresh fruit in your fridge. The goat cheese would have been gone immediately because I’m a goat cheese lover and I would have tossed the pasta salad right away. This is not something to think about for more than 30 seconds.

You would throw out perfectly good food, why?

can't serve trashy food at a party

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are complaining about 5 beers, half a log of goat cheese, and some fresh fruit in your fridge. The goat cheese would have been gone immediately because I’m a goat cheese lover and I would have tossed the pasta salad right away. This is not something to think about for more than 30 seconds.

You would throw out perfectly good food, why?

Anonymous wrote:When people ask what they can bring, I usually say "we are serving xx, xx, xx, xx, and xx. Feel free to just bring yourself, please." That way, if they show up with food it's at least not a duplicate of what we have, and allows them to make sure their kids can find something they'll like, etc.

I like this. Usually we just do potluck type meals with friends where one of us does the main dish and the others bring sides. I always appreciate knowing what is being served so I can make sure I bring something for my kiddos if I think they will be picky about what is available.

I can’t believe you are complaining about 5 beers, half a log of goat cheese, and some fresh fruit in your fridge. The goat cheese would have been gone immediately because I’m a goat cheese lover and I would have tossed the pasta salad right away. This is not something to think about for more than 30 seconds.

IMO, yes, it's a bit rude to bring food when told you don't need to bring any and to just show up. It throws a wrench into the host's plans and leaves them to compensate like OP needs to. I hate playing fridge Tetris and everyone is always too polite to want to take leftovers with them.

Like some PPs said, I was raised to never show up empty handed, so I always arrive with a gift that's not food. Either a wine for the host or another gift. A few times I've been to a party just after returning from a trip and in those cases, I broke my no food rule and gave the host a food gift just for the host, like nice chocolates or a candy item specific to that country.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is totally rude NOT to bring something! "just bring yourself" means "bring wine or beer" for most not-rude people.

When I say "just bring yourself", what I mean is: just bring yourself.

You may mean that, as I do too (I don't get offended), but I'd rather not go than go empty handed. Other options are a small bunch of flowers in a vase so host doesn't have to do anything, nice chocolates they can eat later, maybe some fancy tea, a candle (sorry DCUM haters). But nothing at all is rude.

Maybe I'm old, but I believe in the "never come empty handed" rule.

That almost always means wine, but sometimes I bring food -- which I fully expect the host NOT to serve that night and which could go straight in the garbage if that's what the host prefers. It's a gift -- the host can do with it what she pleases.

I truly don't see how you couldn't find a use for these items, though, OP -- cheese can be served anytime or used in cooking, have the blueberries for breakfast and the pasta salad for lunch. What is the big deal?

When people ask what they can bring, I usually say "we are serving xx, xx, xx, xx, and xx. Feel free to just bring yourself, please." That way, if they show up with food it's at least not a duplicate of what we have, and allows them to make sure their kids can find something they'll like, etc.

Anonymous wrote:It is totally rude NOT to bring something! "just bring yourself" means "bring wine or beer" for most not-rude people.

When I say "just bring yourself", what I mean is: just bring yourself.

Anonymous wrote:No the guest was not rude.

Yes, they were. Especially since they showed up late and with surprise dishes.

Throw it out Op and feel no guilt.

Is it "rude"? No.

Is it a bit annoying, absolutely.

People who want to bring hostess gifts should bring something unfussy that doesn't have to be immediately served or dealt with.

I cannot bring myself to show up at someone's house empty-handed. If I'm told 'just bring yourself', I bring a bottle of wine - I assume that if it is not needed during the event it can be stored for a future one or regifted (or enjoyed by the hosts!)