Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 19:35     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, rewriting history is a thing with my grown parents. I appreciate reading all the other familiar sounding responses. My parents (my mother) just recently were talking about how great American Girl Dolls are, and how it was a shame that I was too old for them when they came out...I was 5yo. I was required to get the books from the library (if I wanted them) and told I didn’t need a doll, the books were what was important. Sometime when I was in high school, for unknown reasons...my mother bought many of the original books (new). So now, 20years later she is gifting them to my daughter since I “was never interested in them”.

It’s not a big deal on the surface, but it totally doesn’t matter the subject...it feels like gaslighting.


Maybe they really couldn't afford it so this is how they let you and themselves down easily? I guess I'm lucky because we really couldn't afford any extras, so there's nothing to rewrite. Are you sure you all were umc?


My friend grew up comfortable. Her parents always provided the basics, but not college, or anything like that. In fact, when it was time for college, the mom had a new house built. Which is fine, except that the mom was blowing thousands of dollars on unnecessary things, such that the mom needed to be cared for in old age. So OP, I see your point. Also, it is one thing if the parent provides equal to all of their children across the board, but to give to one and not the other is totally inexcusable.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 19:33     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That has not been my experience because my parents provided as much, if not more, than today’s parents. They set a high bar to follow. ?



Are you a millennial by any chance? Most of us gen Xers didn’t have that experience growing up!


+1

Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 19:32     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:you sound like a whiny immature brat- who certainly doesn't yet have children of their own.

did they give you food, clothing and shelter?
did they give you a safe, loving home?
did they beat you or abuse you in any way?
they paid at least part of your college?

then you're doing better than 99% of people in the world. Kids don't realize how much time, energy and money goes into being a parent? I don't give my kids cars and excess vacations or anything luxurious, but I did a budget and just realized I spend about $60,000/ year on them. I love them to pieces, but if I didn't have them I could retire now, instead of 20 years from now.

go tell your parents how much you love them and how thankful you are for all the good life skills they gave you.


It's not being an "immature brat" (sic) - it is that the parents sometimes claim to have provided enormous, expensive things, that the child had to, in most case, work for themselves. So, it is not about being ungrateful, but about telling lies about what really happened, and not giving credit where due. If you paid for any tremendous expenses, would you like it if someone else (ESPECIALLY your parents) claimed that THEY paid for it. I guess if you never did that, then you have no idea what OP is talking about. Not everyone had it as good as you, so maybe you should start a different thread about how perfect your parents were, and how perfect you are. Because you are not arguing OPs point, but a different point, completely.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 18:14     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
My parents paid for plenty and I suspect I’ll be like them in some ways. One thing I think is interesting is that my FIL has apparently told some family members that he paid DH’s way through grad school. FIL has been plenty generous and IIRC did give us some money when DH was in school but we were in our 30s and married. I worked FT to pay the bulk of the bills, DH worked PT and also took out a bunch of loans. I have zero complaint or resentment about this and neither does DH but we were both surprised to hear from someone else years later about how FIL had paid.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 18:09     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:That has not been my experience because my parents provided as much, if not more, than today’s parents. They set a high bar to follow. ?



Are you a millennial by any chance? Most of us gen Xers didn’t have that experience growing up!
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 17:53     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
My parents do this too. They are overall good parents and people, so I just laugh it off.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 17:43     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
OP, my dad claims he paid for my grad school years.

If I am not mistaken, I'm the one who wrote the checks to Sallie Mae. Yeah, he helped make life somewhat easier, and I thank him for that, but there is a big difference between

A) I paid for all of five years of schooling, and

B) I helped my daughter a bit and bought some plane tickets, bit isn't it great that she got that research position (tuition + stipend) and is t it great that there were loans available for the one year she wasn't working?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2018 10:55     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Yes my parents rewrite history. Not in the exact way you mentioned but relating to events. I don’t know if they really don’t remember or want to think that things were different.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2018 21:49     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
you sound like a whiny immature brat- who certainly doesn't yet have children of their own.

did they give you food, clothing and shelter?
did they give you a safe, loving home?
did they beat you or abuse you in any way?
they paid at least part of your college?

then you're doing better than 99% of people in the world. Kids don't realize how much time, energy and money goes into being a parent? I don't give my kids cars and excess vacations or anything luxurious, but I did a budget and just realized I spend about $60,000/ year on them. I love them to pieces, but if I didn't have them I could retire now, instead of 20 years from now.

go tell your parents how much you love them and how thankful you are for all the good life skills they gave you.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2018 21:30     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:Yes, rewriting history is a thing with my grown parents. I appreciate reading all the other familiar sounding responses. My parents (my mother) just recently were talking about how great American Girl Dolls are, and how it was a shame that I was too old for them when they came out...I was 5yo. I was required to get the books from the library (if I wanted them) and told I didn’t need a doll, the books were what was important. Sometime when I was in high school, for unknown reasons...my mother bought many of the original books (new). So now, 20years later she is gifting them to my daughter since I “was never interested in them”.

It’s not a big deal on the surface, but it totally doesn’t matter the subject...it feels like gaslighting.


Maybe they really couldn't afford it so this is how they let you and themselves down easily? I guess I'm lucky because we really couldn't afford any extras, so there's nothing to rewrite. Are you sure you all were umc?
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2018 10:10     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That has not been my experience because my parents provided as much, if not more, than today’s parents. They set a high bar to follow. ?



I'm with you. There are a lot of ungrateful and whiny posters on this thread. My parents weren't perfect, no parents are, but there is no way I would be throwing them under the bus like these other posters are doing to their parents. Wah, they didn't buy me a car. Wah, I didn't get a doll. Wah, I only got a down-payment for a house, they didn't buy me the whole house!

Wow. Time to grow up, folks, and put on your big boy and girl underpants.


That is no the point, nor what other PPs are saying. But you are free to start your own thread.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2018 07:50     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Anonymous wrote:That has not been my experience because my parents provided as much, if not more, than today’s parents. They set a high bar to follow. ?



I'm with you. There are a lot of ungrateful and whiny posters on this thread. My parents weren't perfect, no parents are, but there is no way I would be throwing them under the bus like these other posters are doing to their parents. Wah, they didn't buy me a car. Wah, I didn't get a doll. Wah, I only got a down-payment for a house, they didn't buy me the whole house!

Wow. Time to grow up, folks, and put on your big boy and girl underpants.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2018 07:29     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
Yes, rewriting history is a thing with my grown parents. I appreciate reading all the other familiar sounding responses. My parents (my mother) just recently were talking about how great American Girl Dolls are, and how it was a shame that I was too old for them when they came out...I was 5yo. I was required to get the books from the library (if I wanted them) and told I didn’t need a doll, the books were what was important. Sometime when I was in high school, for unknown reasons...my mother bought many of the original books (new). So now, 20years later she is gifting them to my daughter since I “was never interested in them”.

It’s not a big deal on the surface, but it totally doesn’t matter the subject...it feels like gaslighting.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 13:39     Subject: Re:Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
np: They rewrite history about how much they helped me as a kid, and how much they helped my kids as grandparents. Since there are two of them and only one of me, they must be remembering correctly. I started therapy 2 years ago, therapist recommended family sessions with my parents with a family therapist, we started doing them, and now the family therapist reported back to my individual therapist, saying my dad is definitely on the spectrum.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 13:26     Subject: Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??
I was the live in baby sitter for a younger sibling and could not have extra curricular activities or go out with friends unless it suited their schedule. Changed high school 3 times because of a family move, paid for my own college, did not drivers license until my twenties.
When I got my first car they freaked out when I refused to let them use it.
That is a long story, they had had a drunk driving incident and had totalled their own car