I’m actually surprised so many people say their spouse never calls them names. My spouse calls me names and insults me almost daily. I’m afraid to talk to him because he will call me stupid or something. I just try to not interact as much as possible or run over what I want to say over and over in my head to see if it is stupid or not and try to gauge what reaction will be. We’ve been together almost 20 years, it only really got like this after we had a kid.

Anonymous wrote:Couples who don’t have any arguments are not normal.

DH and I argue sometimes, sure. But we never curse at the other one or call each other names.

All. The. Time. I actually can’t stand my spouse. I’d love a divorce, but spouse doesn’t. So, I stay. We’re like roommates and if we don’t talk, we don’t fight. I ignore spouse most evenings. Hope to separate (live in different rooms) when youngest gets to college and divorce when out of college.

We've been together 11 years. I can think of 2 times when each of us used a curse word during a disagreement - but they were as asides or descriptors (like "I can't believe we're having this GD conversation again").

We have never called each other a derogatory name, let alone a vulgarity.

That is incredibly damaging and toxic OP. I am sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couples who don’t have any arguments are not normal.

Assuming that arguments naturally involve verbal abuse is not normal.

+1 my DH and I argue/disagree but we don't call each other names and curse at each other!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH has literally called me a lazy f, manipulative f, fake f, motherf’er, go f yourself, f’ing hypocrite, lying selfish f, and some variety of the above over text over the last few hours. Yes, I got angry and frustrated and yelled at him first. No, I didn’t call him names or curse him out like that. I’m not sure what to do. Do I just move out? What about my things? I can’t afford to just get an apartment.

What did you say to him first? Was it similar to what he’s saying to you now? Is he off somewhere getting drunk at a July 4th BBQ right now or something?

Regardless, you guys shouldn’t be together. Keep cool for now, and start getting your shit in order.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH has literally called me a lazy f, manipulative f, fake f, motherf’er, go f yourself, f’ing hypocrite, lying selfish f, and some variety of the above over text over the last few hours. Yes, I got angry and frustrated and yelled at him first. No, I didn’t call him names or curse him out like that. I’m not sure what to do. Do I just move out? What about my things? I can’t afford to just get an apartment.

Make a plan that involves saving money for a place. Get a place. Get a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Couples who don’t have any arguments are not normal.

Assuming that arguments naturally involve verbal abuse is not normal.

Anonymous wrote:I can see this happening if there is a lot of built of resentment. Are you on medication but are not taking it regularly? Are you withholding sex? Do you expect your spouse to be a solo parent? Because you can't know what's happening inside your spouse, look within

Said like a true abuser and/or abuse enabler.

Couples who don’t have any arguments are not normal.

OP here. DH has literally called me a lazy f, manipulative f, fake f, motherf’er, go f yourself, f’ing hypocrite, lying selfish f, and some variety of the above over text over the last few hours. Yes, I got angry and frustrated and yelled at him first. No, I didn’t call him names or curse him out like that. I’m not sure what to do. Do I just move out? What about my things? I can’t afford to just get an apartment.

Never.

My husband has called me bad names—and I have called him them as well. We both have anger issues and have been in individual and couples counseling. It was especially hard when our kids were really small because they both were bad sleepers, and we’re both bad sleepers, and we have a kid who is special needs. My husband also drinks too much and has ADD and I have bad anxiety. Marriage is hard. I’ve contemplated divorce many times. Things have gotten better the past few months. I hope we can continue on this trajectory. Btw no one but my closest friends know how hard it has been. (And probably our immediate neighbors.) I’m very high functioning with lots of friends, and we both have good jobs and families. You never know what people are going through. Hang in there!!

Never.

Never.