Anonymous wrote:

Impossible to tell based on what you've written, OP. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone wanting individual time with family members and friends. You don't have to be constantly joined at the hip as a couple. And he's clearly not hiding you from his family, since he invites you when they are in town, and you go to visit them together.

My only concern here is that he brushed off your feelings and made a pretty obviously insensitive statement ("my family comes first!") Does he minimize your feelings or make insensitive statements often? Or have you been over-dramatizing this in a way that makes him make unreasonable statements? That's really the more important thing here.

I reread the OP and in fact what she said is that he does NOT invite her when they are in town. he disappears the entire time, does not text or call her. She is included when he goes to visit them, so yes he is not hiding her, but when they come (and even when they express the desire to see her too) he will not include her in any plans.

Totally reasonable for him to have some family only time, totally bizarre that when they are around, he does not even stay in contact with her, much less include her in anything.

Impossible to tell based on what you've written, OP. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone wanting individual time with family members and friends. You don't have to be constantly joined at the hip as a couple. And he's clearly not hiding you from his family, since he invites you when they are in town, and you go to visit them together.

My only concern here is that he brushed off your feelings and made a pretty obviously insensitive statement ("my family comes first!") Does he minimize your feelings or make insensitive statements often? Or have you been over-dramatizing this in a way that makes him make unreasonable statements? That's really the more important thing here.

Anonymous wrote:Impossible to tell based on what you've written, OP. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone wanting individual time with family members and friends. You don't have to be constantly joined at the hip as a couple. And he's clearly not hiding you from his family, since he invites you when they are in town, and you go to visit them together.

My only concern here is that he brushed off your feelings and made a pretty obviously insensitive statement ("my family comes first!") Does he minimize your feelings or make insensitive statements often? Or have you been over-dramatizing this in a way that makes him make unreasonable statements? That's really the more important thing here.

Anonymous wrote:Hey there!

So, I've been dating a great guy for 2 years. We do not live together but stay at each others places frequently.
His family lives 2hrs away. When he goes to visit them for a weekend, I usually come along (as long as I don't have work or other commitments).
We have a ton of fun, hang out. It's all good. We've even been talking about getting engaged!

Here's the goofy part.

Whenever his family comes up to visit for a weekend, it's like he disappears. I don't hear from him the entire time, he barely responds to texts.
He makes plans and does stuff with them (doesnt' always include me, or makes the plans then says "you can come too").

I didn't think much of it the first year. But now we are ending 2 years together and entering 3 years and talking about marriage.

I've asked him about it and he says, "if my family (could be just his mom, or could be his mom, sister and her husband/kids) comes to see me, I take the time to make it a nice personal visit. You shouldn't be offended because I want to spend tiime with me family. They come first in my life"

Ok...................

When will he consider ME family? His sister and mom text me and often say (of course it's after they did stuff) "wish you could have joined us"
And that's HOW I know they did stuff, or what they did.

So, I said to him, "I'm not offended, I feel left out."
He said, "I'm not leaving you out, but my mom gave birth to me, she will always come first in my life"


So..................

Now I'm a little concerned that he's a mama's boy and where would he prioritize his wife and kids if that were to happen some day?

And go!

Anonymous wrote:Run

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t see the big deal. He takes you along to see them. Maybe he likes spending one on one time with them without you sometimes and the habit is just to do that when they’re on his “turf.” I have cousins and a sibling that get along wonderfully with my DH but I just genuinely enjoy the alone time with those people sometimes. Can’t you amuse yourself while he spends the weekend with them? You don’t need to always be along for the ride.

You really don't see "my mom gave birth to me, she will always come first in my life" as a problem?

Anonymous wrote:So how old is he? A grown man who tells his SO that his mother will always come first has issues. Yes, he is a mama's boy and will be for the rest of his mother's life. Unless you are OK with always being second to his mother, you need to RUN. Just realize, he will prioritize his mother over your future children too.

I have a BIL like this who is currently in his 50s, unmarried without kids. Still loves his mother best. Not sure what he will do once she is gone. BIL is incapable of forming a deep emotional connection with people thus he clings to his mommy with whom he has the strongest connection/love.

People like this are broken and you can't fix them.