Anonymous wrote:I guess my generation was different from yours. I have college aged kids. I strongly disliked spending time with my in laws, but I sucked it up because it was the right thing to do. It made them happy and was only for a few days at a time. You all sound so entitled and selfish, frankly. Family is about compromising.

It's not OP's family.

I guess my generation was different from yours. I have college aged kids. I strongly disliked spending time with my in laws, but I sucked it up because it was the right thing to do. It made them happy and was only for a few days at a time. You all sound so entitled and selfish, frankly. Family is about compromising.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vacation days are limited. They should not be spent appeasing or giving in, but in peace and having fun and as stress free as possible. Sharing space with DH's family = stress for both of us so we don't do it.

Yes, your vacation days are limited and many of them should be spent having fun, but some of them should be dedicated to improving and cementing family relationships.

He can do that with his family. OP wants to do something else.

Me again. And she should do what she wants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vacation days are limited. They should not be spent appeasing or giving in, but in peace and having fun and as stress free as possible. Sharing space with DH's family = stress for both of us so we don't do it.

Yes, your vacation days are limited and many of them should be spent having fun, but some of them should be dedicated to improving and cementing family relationships.

He can do that with his family. OP wants to do something else.

Anonymous wrote:My vacation days are limited. They should not be spent appeasing or giving in, but in peace and having fun and as stress free as possible. Sharing space with DH's family = stress for both of us so we don't do it.

Yes, your vacation days are limited and many of them should be spent having fun, but some of them should be dedicated to improving and cementing family relationships.

My vacation days are limited. They should not be spent appeasing or giving in, but in peace and having fun and as stress free as possible. Sharing space with DH's family = stress for both of us so we don't do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t leave until Sunday and I’m done. Why did I agree to this? Inlaws are already discussing next time! Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

We have a "no vacations with parents" policy. One time we caved and went with my parents because the footed the entire bill for a location we'd never be able to swing on our own (and it involved many other family members). I didn't speak to my mother for 6 months after that debacle.

I detest my MIL and my DH knows that. I can barely tolerate dinner with her. He values his life too much to ever ask me to vs action with her.

If you don't get along with your mother or your MIL, have you considered that the problem might be you?

^^^
THIS

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t leave until Sunday and I’m done. Why did I agree to this? Inlaws are already discussing next time! Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

We have a "no vacations with parents" policy. One time we caved and went with my parents because the footed the entire bill for a location we'd never be able to swing on our own (and it involved many other family members). I didn't speak to my mother for 6 months after that debacle.

I detest my MIL and my DH knows that. I can barely tolerate dinner with her. He values his life too much to ever ask me to vs action with her.

OP here. I told my DH I didn’t want to do this again and he’s acting like I’m a horrible wife.

Don't make that decision while you are there visiting. Get through this trip, then have a discussion once you are back home.

Good luck. It sounds like you handled that encounter perfectly.

OP! You are stronger than I am.

My ILs bought a two BR condo miles away from the beach and expected that our family of 5 would LOVE to go on vacation with them! Did it exactly once and then never again.

If ILs want to have some family vacations, they will take one of the kids or DH and kids will go without me.

Anonymous wrote:We vacation with my family at the beach one week per year. Actually my husband's mother used to come too. The difference is that we all stay in hotel rooms so there is space between us. We all do our own things and come together when we want. It hasn't always been perfect - there have been a few incidents here and there but overall it has brought our family closer together and it is the one week per year that our family looks forward to the most.

+1 Hotel is so much better than shared house!!! This is the only way I have made it through whole family vacations without losing my mind. We also do dinners together, and generally some time at the beach or pool in the afternoon, and family breakfast on the last morning of the stay, but the rest - out of necessity - has become a lot more freestyle.

24/7 togetherness isn't fun for me even when I feel totally rested and completely love whoever I'm traveling with - give me some breathing room or my patience runs out fast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t leave until Sunday and I’m done. Why did I agree to this? Inlaws are already discussing next time! Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

We have a "no vacations with parents" policy. One time we caved and went with my parents because the footed the entire bill for a location we'd never be able to swing on our own (and it involved many other family members). I didn't speak to my mother for 6 months after that debacle.

I detest my MIL and my DH knows that. I can barely tolerate dinner with her. He values his life too much to ever ask me to vs action with her.

If you don't get along with your mother or your MIL, have you considered that the problem might be you?

I'm more inclined to say both our mothers suffer from NPD and one of the things to keeps DH and I close is understanding the fraught and often damaging interactions we have with them and being able to support the other when their mom lashes out. Also why we lived in remote Alaska for several years.

But you're welcome to your assumptions based on a brief internet comment board post.

No reply on what the kid did, huh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t leave until Sunday and I’m done. Why did I agree to this? Inlaws are already discussing next time! Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

We have a "no vacations with parents" policy. One time we caved and went with my parents because the footed the entire bill for a location we'd never be able to swing on our own (and it involved many other family members). I didn't speak to my mother for 6 months after that debacle.

I detest my MIL and my DH knows that. I can barely tolerate dinner with her. He values his life too much to ever ask me to vs action with her.

If you don't get along with your mother or your MIL, have you considered that the problem might be you?

We vacation with my family at the beach one week per year. Actually my husband's mother used to come too. The difference is that we all stay in hotel rooms so there is space between us. We all do our own things and come together when we want. It hasn't always been perfect - there have been a few incidents here and there but overall it has brought our family closer together and it is the one week per year that our family looks forward to the most.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t leave until Sunday and I’m done. Why did I agree to this? Inlaws are already discussing next time! Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

I do partial amounts of time. And I like my in-laws! But I have limited vacation time. So often if my husband/kids are gone for a week, I'll come up for the last day and the weekend.