Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

No it is not irrelevant.

He broke up their marriage.

He and mom ruined their family.

me thinks op gone

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

lol. Would be funny to see if this same answer is posted if the genders were reversed. Somehow I doubt it.

I have a friend who did this and the court system did NOT let her move the child. Father has primary custody, she sees the child for school holidays, and the summer.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

Or perhaps he's a molester. A prudent molester would want the children far away from the dad, other family, and any other support systems the children have so he can molest them without interference.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

Child of divorce here who had a great stepfather and who's dad actually moved away, mom did not move away.

A good stepdad cannot replace a father. If you are the child of a divorce and have a father who is committed and involved and who you see 50% of the time THAT is best for the child. No one can replace an actual parent. Stepparents can be great invaluable people who are family, but if you have an involved committed dad, stepdad is never going to be able to fill a void that doesn't exist. And it is negligent parenting IMO to intentionally remove yourself from an environment where your kids have access to both parents (if both parents are good parents). Period.

And there is no way this PARTICULAR stepfather is going to be able to replace the void because he is the reason the parents split up and eventually the kids will know that and be extremely resentful.

Dads are important. Having a good dad has an actual measurable effect on a child's emotional and general health and success later in life. Mom might be a good day to day mom but trying to move kids away from an involved dad is BAD parenting. And so is having an affair and breaking up your family.

OP - this doesn't have to be fight or war. Notify your divorce attorney of the request to give a heads up. How far is the other city?

You're they're father. The courts don't automatically make the mother the primary custodian just because she's the mom.

Hear what she has to say - IF the discussion is about moving and wanting to take the kids then yes, I would move forward on changing the custodial agreement to you being the primary custodian to keep the kids stable and in the schools they are in - presuming your schedule allows for that in the best interest of the kids. Does your schedule allow for full time parenting? Can you additional support as needed for increased drop off/pick ups/extracurricular transportation? Make sure you've mapped this out and are prepared to provide to your attorney and possibly to a judge - if it comes to it.

Not sure why everyone things this is a contentious situation - I know OP mentioned why they got divorced but he didn't really say that since then things have been bad in the co-parenting department.

Best thing is to be prepared for everything and document everything. You can do this - and I hope that you can work this out with your ex so that kids can see that you can do this without fighting. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

No, the issue is whether a new marriage is a good enough reason for a former spouse to remove his/her kids from the area where the other spouse still lives and has regular contact with the kids. As another PP mentioned, when you divorce, you no longer have the freedom to make these decisions unilaterally.

Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

Why don't you have 50/50 custody. That is ridiculous.

Most judges won't move the kids from their "home" if you can dad up and fight for custody.

Why can't you keep them?

OP said he has "split custody" so I assume that is 50/50. Normally, an agreement for custody has provisions about parental relocation, although they can be vague like "make every effort to work together to maintain the current split."

OP needs to check his custody agreement. If there is no information in there about the eventuality of relocation, he should get his money back from his lawyer.

Why don't you have 50/50 custody. That is ridiculous.

Most judges won't move the kids from their "home" if you can dad up and fight for custody.

Why can't you keep them?

1) check your divorce and custody agreement. there may already be language in it that covers this issue.

2) check with your lawyer (or a new one) if there isn't clear cut language to understand the parameters

3) decide how you feel about the various scenarios she is likely going to propose and start weighing the pros and cons.

While I agree that facilitating a good relationship with both parents and not having a high conflict divorce is important for the kids, the reason for her move--her new husband (and affair partners) job does not seem to be to be a good enough reason to disrupt her kids lives even more. Sounds like the new husband should go back and forth, not the kids, but that's just me.

State statute sometimes/oftentimes dictates this as well. That if a move is more than 50 miles, the moving parent needs to seek permission from the remaining parent and, barring that, get permission from a court. It's not as simple as "life happens, people move." Talk to your lawyer OP.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

I agree. The more they fight it will only translate to the children. I would facilitate a good relationship with the other parent if at all possible. Try to work it out and avoid court at all costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of his kids and prevent the move. If that is not the case, OP and his ex need to work out a custody plan that is in the best interests of the children. 100% of decisions by the OP should be made from that perspective, regardless of what his ex does or does not do.

OP should fight like hell to get primary custody of the kids and prevent the move EVEN if his ex is a good mom and her fiance is good to the kids.

It is not in the best interests of the kids to move to a different town, away from their father, under any circumstances.

OP, you'd better expect her to try and move, and take the kids with her, and you better lawyer up now and prepare for war.

Yeah, much better to create eternal resentment. Great advice. Resentment is so helpful to children.

Seriously. This is life. If the kids do well with them, try your best to work it out.

You sound like the mom who had an affair who is still refusing to recognizes how damaging your actions are to your children.

Nope. It's been two years for OP. I get that it sucks. But what does he win and what do the children lose if he fights? He probably would win and I simply think there's a lot to think about before engaging in war. Of course I think op should try to negotiate something. Bit I don't think war would benefit the kids.

Primary custody of his kids is a win for him AND for them. If he won't fight for that then he is a contemptible human being. As are you, for advising him to roll over.