Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men just don’t get it. Women need to be seduced. Let HIM work on that.

This is ridiculous. There is no seducing a woman 3 months after birth with a bunch of other little kids. She doesn't want it. He doesn't want it if she doesn't want it. Just let sex go for awhile. If her sex drive doesn't bounce back, either live without it, open the marriage, or get a divorce.

Now there is a losing strategy!
OP, keep going 2x per week, tell him he needs to appreciate your efforts in this area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably has little to no interest in putting the laundry away, but yet....

This! This! This!

And I’m a woman, by the way.

I don’t always want to do it when we start out. But I’ve never regretted it! It’s what you need to do to nurture the marriage. If you’re not doing it, you’re just friends and what’s the sense in even being married? Just leave if you don’t want sex. It’s sort of an essential part of the contract. Otherwise y’all could’ve just gotten a two bedroom apartment and made nice roommates.

Did you read the OP? This isn't the problem here. She IS doing it. The problem is that her DH wants her to feel a stronger physical desire than she does, he isn't happy with her "just doing it". Given postpartum hormones are at work, that may be beyond her control until she stops nursing.

Doesn't sound like she was responding to the OP, but to all the others on here making excuses for their own lack of interest in sex with their spouses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably has little to no interest in putting the laundry away, but yet....

This! This! This!

And I’m a woman, by the way.

I don’t always want to do it when we start out. But I’ve never regretted it! It’s what you need to do to nurture the marriage. If you’re not doing it, you’re just friends and what’s the sense in even being married? Just leave if you don’t want sex. It’s sort of an essential part of the contract. Otherwise y’all could’ve just gotten a two bedroom apartment and made nice roommates.

Did you read the OP? This isn't the problem here. She IS doing it. The problem is that her DH wants her to feel a stronger physical desire than she does, he isn't happy with her "just doing it". Given postpartum hormones are at work, that may be beyond her control until she stops nursing.

Anonymous wrote:He probably has little to no interest in putting the laundry away, but yet....

This! This! This!

And I’m a woman, by the way.

I don’t always want to do it when we start out. But I’ve never regretted it! It’s what you need to do to nurture the marriage. If you’re not doing it, you’re just friends and what’s the sense in even being married? Just leave if you don’t want sex. It’s sort of an essential part of the contract. Otherwise y’all could’ve just gotten a two bedroom apartment and made nice roommates.

I had a similar issue with my DH. At the root of it, he's a really good guy and doesn't want to feel like he's coercing his wife into sex, or guilting me into it. He goes above and beyond to make sure I'm happy in bed, and he equates his performance with my pleasure, so it's disappointing and frustrating for him when he can't send me over the moon. And, yes, men also want to feel desired.

I had to have a very frank conversation, with two main points:

1. It's not about you or your "performance". Really. Hormones are a real thing, they and they alone are responsible here. So please stop taking it personally or as some sort of rejection.

2. Even if the desire and pleasure isn't where it used to be, I still enjoy sex - just for slightly different reasons. I enjoy feeling close to him. I like having a chance to physically connect. Those things are important to me. With all the disruption of our lives caused by having a new baby in the house, our bedroom is one place we can maintain our sense of "us".

Four kids under 7. That's a lot. You are an awesome mom and it's ok that you are tired. Attached is a good read. Take Care and God Bless!
https://list.ly/list/1xoV-struggling-with-the-spark-and-sizzle

Anonymous wrote:Could be worse. Mine wanted me to initiate so he could feel "desired." (Apparently that was not something that I wanted, too.) So it literally became a chore I was entirely responsible for, at a time when I was totally uninterested. (And then would turn me down if I didn't initiate the "right way," meaning I was too aggressive or too sudden or whatever.) Gutted our sex life.

Ha ha, us too. So delightful.

Could be worse. Mine wanted me to initiate so he could feel "desired." (Apparently that was not something that I wanted, too.) So it literally became a chore I was entirely responsible for, at a time when I was totally uninterested. (And then would turn me down if I didn't initiate the "right way," meaning I was too aggressive or too sudden or whatever.) Gutted our sex life.

OP with a new baby and all those kids, you both just have to get through it as best you can. Sounds like you are both trying so, kudos to you.

Anonymous wrote:Geez OP I would think I wrote this except I only have two and my younger one is 4 months. We have sex 2x/week because I make myself do the chore. He complains endlessly (“I don’t even remember the last time” — I do, it was Thursday night — or “I’ve gotten used to not having sex so just don’t even worry about it”). He’s being a dick and I hate that my libido is in the toilet. So no real advice, just commiserating. Sigh. These MFers are so ungrateful.

OMG. He sounds like a giant baby. He's going to die if he doesn't get laid more than 2x/week?

Fake it until you make it OP. That’s what i did with both my kids and still do when I am really not into it. It does help that DH is quite confident and thinks I always want it way more than I actually do

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should not worry that you’re not into it right now. Women are beautifully designed to not get preggers too soon after previous baby. The hormonal balance ensures it. Look it up and tell him the science at work here. You want to keep up the habit, that’s your call, but he can either live with your low libido or take care of himself.

Tell that to all the mothers of Irish twins.

He needed a vasectomy 2 kids ago.

Anonymous wrote:Laying guilt trips on a new mom: so hot!

I know right???

Considering how chaotic your life is now, what with caring for all your young children as well as recovering from a nine-month pregnancy plus a recent childbirth.....

In all honesty, I think your husband should be much more sympathetic to your plight.

You just have a lot on your plate right now.
You are in a very busy life stage right now + things are happening that you just may not feel like 2x/week sex.

Many women in your shoes would completely understand.
Let your husband know that this isn’t a “forever” thing.
Just that w/all the responsibility that you have now, unfortunately sex may have to take a backseat every now & then.

A kind and considerate hubby should completely get it.
Good luck.