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Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

Op to be fair I work and we earn almost the same (same gvt scale) So I contribute to the kids activities just as much.

I'm curious how you work, and have children, and yet don't know that childcare is expensive.

This. If half of summer is $1300, that means summer was $2600 total. Over 10 weeks that's $260 a week. That's way less than I spend on my own kids and frankly, you get what you pay for.

NP here and that might be true, might not be true. Summer care, like daycare, is usually split pro rata by income so if the ex makes significantly more his share could be lower. Then again, if he makes more ExW may have paid more than her share. Not enough facts in the post to know for sure.

Except Dad may also be paying child support on top of all the extras and have to maintain a room/stuff/feed, etc. child during his time.

Yeah i feel you OP but here in the US it is not ok to let these feelings out... the ex sure knows how to play your DH.
Ask him to put the same amount into your kids’ 529s every time he wants to pay for something for his daughter.

Fellow step-mom here OP. You’re lucky bio mom is willing to contribute and even willing to pay 100%. If she wants to pay 100%, let her. Your DH offering to split 50/50 is just him being a responsible dad. In my case, bio mom is lazy (no steady income since the divorce 10 years ago) and contributes nothing towards my step daughter’s expenses. So guess what, my income goes towards paying my step DD’s expenses and I am okay with it. The kid needs stability and it’s better we provide that. I feel resentful at times as well, but I try to be a better person and think of it as an investment in my step-DD’s future. Thank god we don’t have to pay spousal support to my DH ex, we have full custody. I am not sure why folks are paying 5k for summer camps per child. We usually pay about 800 for one week-long overnight camp and she gets into one or two free ones competitively in DC area. I would say 1.3k cost share is reasonable.

GEEEZ! This is his child. He's completely right, this is what he should do.

You need to let this go and move forward. You knew you were marrying a divorced man with a child, that means he has prior commitments.

It does seem expensive, although I would pay for a tutor if my child needed it. Your husband should have discussed paying half the cost before offering though. Expensive things paid for with joint money should always be discussed.

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Your husband is trying to be a good father and a fair person. Be grateful for that.

Also, if you only paid $1300 for summer camps for an 11-year-old, you got off really easy.

I was going to say, there's one week - what does she do the rest of he summer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

You're clearly the dummy in the family, that's why hubby isn't listening to you. She's obviously a great student BECAUSE she's getting tutoring... why would you want to break something that isn't broken? What is going on is clearly working. Stay out of it. BTW, pro-parenting tip - when it comes to academics, you don't wait until a student is struggling.

Anonymous wrote:OP--I'm the step mom to 2 kids. The mom is being very fair by offering to pay the full cost of the tutoring. Dad is also being very fair in offering to pay 50%. That is his "share" even though she didn't ask for it.

What you're going to find is that some years some kids cost more money than others. While there maybe a set monthly amount that your DH has to pay, chances are it doesn't cover 50% of the expenses.

If you can learn to view your SD as your child, you will feel less resentment about the money she "takes"

Be thankful she's SPLITTING the costs with you. In our family, my DH routinely pays 100% of everything (including tutoring) because XW insists their son needs stuff but won't pay a dime. He is a sweet guy, a loving dad, (and a pushover) and he always end up paying the entire bill. I have decided not to make this a major source of misery, even though I personally wish he'd put his foot down and explain that if she feels it's so important, she should pay for half of it. But I think he'd rather be run over by a train than have to say those words to her...

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

Op to be fair I work and we earn almost the same (same gvt scale) So I contribute to the kids activities just as much.

I'm curious how you work, and have children, and yet don't know that childcare is expensive.

This. If half of summer is $1300, that means summer was $2600 total. Over 10 weeks that's $260 a week. That's way less than I spend on my own kids and frankly, you get what you pay for.

NP here and that might be true, might not be true. Summer care, like daycare, is usually split pro rata by income so if the ex makes significantly more his share could be lower. Then again, if he makes more ExW may have paid more than her share. Not enough facts in the post to know for sure.

Either way. I budget $5000 for 10 weeks of summer care and I think that is entirely reasonable if the parents work full time.

Anonymous wrote:For clarification, you're annoyed that your husband wants to provide half the cost of raising his child? Is that really what you're saying?

+1

Yeah, it sucks to be married to someone who is a good dad?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

Op to be fair I work and we earn almost the same (same gvt scale) So I contribute to the kids activities just as much.

I'm curious how you work, and have children, and yet don't know that childcare is expensive.

This. If half of summer is $1300, that means summer was $2600 total. Over 10 weeks that's $260 a week. That's way less than I spend on my own kids and frankly, you get what you pay for.

NP here and that might be true, might not be true. Summer care, like daycare, is usually split pro rata by income so if the ex makes significantly more his share could be lower. Then again, if he makes more ExW may have paid more than her share. Not enough facts in the post to know for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

Op to be fair I work and we earn almost the same (same gvt scale) So I contribute to the kids activities just as much.

I'm curious how you work, and have children, and yet don't know that childcare is expensive.

This. If half of summer is $1300, that means summer was $2600 total. Over 10 weeks that's $260 a week. That's way less than I spend on my own kids and frankly, you get what you pay for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

Op to be fair I work and we earn almost the same (same gvt scale) So I contribute to the kids activities just as much.

I'm curious how you work, and have children, and yet don't know that childcare is expensive.

He is a good dad, should pay his half and this is part of what you sign up for when you are a second wife.

Agree that $1300 as his share is a very reasonable summer cost. Your DH is right, you do not understand the cost of older children. And is it really that much money in the long run? Once a week for 8 or 10 weeks, right? It's not worth fighting over.

It isn't good for the child to have one house be Homework House and the other house be Fun Daddy House. Children need their routine especially when they are being forced to live across two households. She's going into a sensitive age and needs to know her parents are united and have her back. So stop thinking about "winning" and focus on maintaining an amicable co-parenting relationship and your DH's excellent parenting choices.