The unstated assumption is that women are responsible for the balance. Not employers, who are demanding our unpaid time outside of work hours. You can't push back against that alone; each of us individually are in a position where the employer has more power than we do. If we want to fix this, we need to stand together.

Anonymous wrote:How much of yoyr paycheck is negated between daycare/nanny and outsourcing "everything" so that you can be 100% engaged with your 1 kid when you finally do get home from work?
That's gotta be nearly your whole monthly paycheck, No?

And to the poster upthread whose kid spends Sat night with grandparents - How can you spend 2 hrs in the morning AND be home at 530pm to spend the evening with your kid? What type of job allows that - no commute, do you not sleep, and you still make enough money to afford the nanny and outsource every household duty and maintenance?

So, nothing against mom who thinks she does have it all, but I know someone who has a similar setup. She does outwardly appear very balanced and will say all is good, but like many things the closer you are the more cracks you see. Yes, my friend owns her own small business, but it’s a lot of work. She claims to come home early most nights, but in reality there are many nights a week she gets home right as her dd is going to sleep. She’s supposed to have a three day weekend every week, but it’s usually every other week if that. And weekends are kind of a disaster for her. Her 2yo gets confused by lack of routine. Nanny is very strict. Mom is not so much. Yes, she has a great nanny, but mom has admitted nanny is a better caregiver than herself, and she says it so much it I think it really bothers her deep down. (Mom has anxiety and is in therapy) Nanny is bonded to child but mom wants her dd to go to amazing preschool as well, and they are trying to figure how to have both now, and mom told me it really isn’t possible. She also is obsessed with having a perfect family situation. Everything has to be the best way. Her dd has to develop perfectly. (Mom definitely perceives her only child as a reflection of herself. Separate issue I guess.) She will never have another child because she can’t make that work anywhere near as well, which again is fine, but mom talks about it so much I think it really hurts her that her dd can’t have a sibling. Also, her DH makes much less than her. Think blue collar. She’s the breadwinner. It’s a lot. Overwhelming.

Anonymous wrote:So says Barbara Corcoran of Shark Tank.

She tried for 40 years to achieve the perfect balance before giving up, she says "stop striving for work life balance, it just doesn’t exist".

Instead of placing so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect working moms, we should do this...

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2018/05/27/work-life-balance-myth-says-shark-tank-star-try-instead/648565002/

This is true for men too although admittedly men were supposed to focus on career and knew there wasn't any balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

So between the nanny and sleepovers when do you see your child?

All day Friday, Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday and Sunday night, every M - Th for at least two hours in the morning and every evening from 5:30 to bedtime at 7:30. And because I outsource cleaning, laundry and cooking, my time with DD is 100% with DD.

When do you see your children?

This is quite good. Working moms without the resources to outsource childcare and other services, plus the devoted grandparents, are often stretched far beyond their limits in a society that devalues caregiving and home management.

Not to mention moms with more than one child. I mean, that's all great, and I'm not bitter, but it's also not reality for most of us. I feel mostly good about my balance: three kids six and under, both DH and I have flexible jobs, and we each give the other time for important self-care (workouts for me). It's hard work and I'm tired at the end of the day, but I'm also proud of the life we've built and the example we set for our kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much of yoyr paycheck is negated between daycare/nanny and outsourcing "everything" so that you can be 100% engaged with your 1 kid when you finally do get home from work?
That's gotta be nearly your whole monthly paycheck, No?

And to the poster upthread whose kid spends Sat night with grandparents - How can you spend 2 hrs in the morning AND be home at 530pm to spend the evening with your kid? What type of job allows that - no commute, do you not sleep, and you still make enough money to afford the nanny and outsource every household duty and maintenance?

NP here. You have some serious issues, PP. This poster has worked it out and clearly earns a great deal of money. Good for her. I have no clue what is wrong with you.

+1 at this point that poster is grasping at straws, that lady really does have it all!

Anonymous wrote:How much of yoyr paycheck is negated between daycare/nanny and outsourcing "everything" so that you can be 100% engaged with your 1 kid when you finally do get home from work?
That's gotta be nearly your whole monthly paycheck, No?

And to the poster upthread whose kid spends Sat night with grandparents - How can you spend 2 hrs in the morning AND be home at 530pm to spend the evening with your kid? What type of job allows that - no commute, do you not sleep, and you still make enough money to afford the nanny and outsource every household duty and maintenance?

The poster already said she owns her own company and clearly earns a great deal.

Get over it, PP.

Anonymous wrote:How much of yoyr paycheck is negated between daycare/nanny and outsourcing "everything" so that you can be 100% engaged with your 1 kid when you finally do get home from work?
That's gotta be nearly your whole monthly paycheck, No?

And to the poster upthread whose kid spends Sat night with grandparents - How can you spend 2 hrs in the morning AND be home at 530pm to spend the evening with your kid? What type of job allows that - no commute, do you not sleep, and you still make enough money to afford the nanny and outsource every household duty and maintenance?

NP here. You have some serious issues, PP. This poster has worked it out and clearly earns a great deal of money. Good for her. I have no clue what is wrong with you.

Anonymous wrote:How much of yoyr paycheck is negated between daycare/nanny and outsourcing "everything" so that you can be 100% engaged with your 1 kid when you finally do get home from work?
That's gotta be nearly your whole monthly paycheck, No?

And to the poster upthread whose kid spends Sat night with grandparents - How can you spend 2 hrs in the morning AND be home at 530pm to spend the evening with your kid? What type of job allows that - no commute, do you not sleep, and you still make enough money to afford the nanny and outsource every household duty and maintenance?

LOL, sorry you’re so bitter.

Not that poster, but I work from home 8:30-3 with a few evening / weekend hours. I can see my kid 6:30-8:30 am and 3-7 pm.

But, guess what? Sometimes I drop him off at 7:30 and pick him up at 4.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

So between the nanny and sleepovers when do you see your child?

All day Friday, Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday and Sunday night, every M - Th for at least two hours in the morning and every evening from 5:30 to bedtime at 7:30. And because I outsource cleaning, laundry and cooking, my time with DD is 100% with DD.

When do you see your children?

This is quite good. Working moms without the resources to outsource childcare and other services, plus the devoted grandparents, are often stretched far beyond their limits in a society that devalues caregiving and home management.

NP here. Seriously, girlfriend is living the dream! I’m like the solidly middle class equivalent of that poster (aka poor person by DCUM standards). Daycare 4 x a week (DH works 4 days a week from home; I am FT WOH). We have involved inlaws who love spending time with our kids, so we get occasional babysitting for big errands or the occasional night out. We get a lot of time with our kids, especially since DH is self employed and my work is flexible. But damn, all the other stuff that needs to be done (food prep, dishes, laundry, home upkeep, administration of daily life, finances) is a killer.

Anonymous wrote:What do you think would be an ideal Job for a single mom to achieve a balance? Dad is not very involved, so I need to be available for dr, dentist, teacher meetings, etc.
want to cover the bills, but don’t need to be rich — want to maximize time w kids.
What would you pick if you were restarting your life, like me??

I have so much respect for you.

In the seconds it took me to read your post, I felt embarrassed, ridiculous & entitled all at once. I will never again complain about how busy I am, as I have the support of a very involved husband & couldn't imagine what I would do if everything suddenly changed.

You're an absolute rock star & although I don't know what field would be right for you, I just wanted you to know that there many women on here who have admiration for you & are here to support you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

So between the nanny and sleepovers when do you see your child?

All day Friday, Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday and Sunday night, every M - Th for at least two hours in the morning and every evening from 5:30 to bedtime at 7:30. And because I outsource cleaning, laundry and cooking, my time with DD is 100% with DD.

When do you see your children?

Two hours in morning. 4:30-7:30 at night on weekday. All day Saturday and Sunday. I also outsource everything, so I can have the time to focus on my kids. My job is flexible so I can put in time at night after they are in bed if needed. University professor.

How much of yoyr paycheck is negated between daycare/nanny and outsourcing "everything" so that you can be 100% engaged with your 1 kid when you finally do get home from work?
That's gotta be nearly your whole monthly paycheck, No?

And to the poster upthread whose kid spends Sat night with grandparents - How can you spend 2 hrs in the morning AND be home at 530pm to spend the evening with your kid? What type of job allows that - no commute, do you not sleep, and you still make enough money to afford the nanny and outsource every household duty and maintenance?

It doesn't exist as a unified standard, obviously. It exists individually for some lucky people whose desires happen to align with their lot in life, whether they purposefully planned it that way or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

So between the nanny and sleepovers when do you see your child?

All day Friday, Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday and Sunday night, every M - Th for at least two hours in the morning and every evening from 5:30 to bedtime at 7:30. And because I outsource cleaning, laundry and cooking, my time with DD is 100% with DD.

When do you see your children?

More than you as I do not foist them on the grandparents, but my children are also allowed to participate in sports activities and have friends, so they certainly do not spend every waking moment with me during the day.

Oh, stop, Jealous Bitter Mommy. She already said that he parents beg to have their grandchild sleepover. And her child sounds very young so sports are pretty much out for two year olds.

Bitterness is a really ugly quality. No wonder your kids don't want to be with you.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

So between the nanny and sleepovers when do you see your child?

All day Friday, Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday and Sunday night, every M - Th for at least two hours in the morning and every evening from 5:30 to bedtime at 7:30. And because I outsource cleaning, laundry and cooking, my time with DD is 100% with DD.

When do you see your children?

This is quite good. Working moms without the resources to outsource childcare and other services, plus the devoted grandparents, are often stretched far beyond their limits in a society that devalues caregiving and home management.