Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother's wife text me letting me know that she doesn't have all the details yet but she wanted to let me know the date of my niece's party. I say ok but then she tells me that it's a joint birthday party for my niece and her sister's boyfriend's daughter who is turning the same age. I've never even met this little girl. I text her and asked if we could just have 2 different parties and SIL says "No. I'm throwing 1 party. Larla will be in town and is going to be part of the family and I can't just leave her out. Come, don't come. I don't care but I'm not making special arrangements for a grown woman." I don't know how to respond.

Please tell me you are a troll.

I just don't understand her expecting us to buy presents and celebrate a stranger's birthday.

It's a little kid. You can't join in signing happy birthday? That's all it will amount to. And if you don't want to bring a gift for the other kid, then don't. They aren't likely to open the gifts at the party anyway and the parents will be happy with one less thank you card to write.

A thousand times this. All little kids care about is birthday cake and people to sing to them. God forbid you pick up a pack of stickers or markers or something inexpensive for her to open too - that might literally kill you to be KIND to a little girl out of town celebrating her birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you ask that?? What is wrong with you?

+1

In what universe does this have ANYTHING to do with you? Why would you care who else is being celebrated at this birthday party? Are you a narcissist?

+2. Even if OP isn't a narcissist, she's still extremely self-centered and unkind.

Anonymous wrote:This is the first year she's even invited us so I guess that has a lot to do with my reaction.

I hope you're not wondering why. You're a piece of work. I bet this is the last time she invites you, and I bet she already regrets that she did. I know I would.

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you ask that?? What is wrong with you?

+1

In what universe does this have ANYTHING to do with you? Why would you care who else is being celebrated at this birthday party? Are you a narcissist?

I am so grateful that when DH were serious but “only” dating my daughter was always included. She was never made to feel like an outsider or a stranger. If there was a family member who was as bitter as you, OP I was never made aware of it.

You need to apologize. Buy a $10 toy and go and celebrate TWO little girls on their birthday

OP, you were way out of bounds in your text. Please get a clue.

When it comes to events that include inlaws and possibly even further flung relatives, I've found that it's ALWAYS better to keep you mouth shut when someone is trying to be inclusive. As long as it doesn't put you out (aka: inviting people to your house) and you are just a guest, GO WITH IT.

My parents are divorced and re-partnered. There are various pseudo step siblings and their kids in the mix at every single family function or holiday. Sometimes we get the whole weirdo family together (both my parents, new partners, their kids, grandkids etc). One "step sibling" isn't even biologically related to ANYONE but considers my mother's partner to be her father. At first, I thought it was awkward. It's been 15 years and she and her family are wonderful addition to the bigger, blended family we have going on. I much prefer our blended craziness to my DH's family where they actively spurn outsiders (including me!) and my MIL acted like I committed treason when we got married because "things were different".

Get over it, you're a grown up. This is about a child.

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you ask that?? What is wrong with you?

This sums it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother's wife text me letting me know that she doesn't have all the details yet but she wanted to let me know the date of my niece's party. I say ok but then she tells me that it's a joint birthday party for my niece and her sister's boyfriend's daughter who is turning the same age. I've never even met this little girl. I text her and asked if we could just have 2 different parties and SIL says "No. I'm throwing 1 party. Larla will be in town and is going to be part of the family and I can't just leave her out. Come, don't come. I don't care but I'm not making special arrangements for a grown woman." I don't know how to respond.

Please tell me you are a troll.

I just don't understand her expecting us to buy presents and celebrate a stranger's birthday.

We celebrated many joint birthdays. Nobody thought that it means buying presents for both.

Except in this case it sounds like a little girl is celebrating her birthday as an add-on to a birthday party with a bunch of people she doesn't know, unlike two siblings each inviting their own friends, so yes you absolutely bring her a present as well (or don't attend/bring any at all) so she doesn't feel even more left out.

Not at all--although "sister's boyfriend's daughter" sounds pretty distant, it's functionally the SIL's niece. I suspect that since the party is hosted by SIL and her sister, there will be plenty of overlap in terms of SIL's side of the family.

And you don't need to buy gifts for both girls, although it would be nice to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the real question is, will the mexican nanny and her non english speaking extended family be hosting the party?

Those are great parties.

Thanks for the laughter! I remember that post from the other day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother's wife text me letting me know that she doesn't have all the details yet but she wanted to let me know the date of my niece's party. I say ok but then she tells me that it's a joint birthday party for my niece and her sister's boyfriend's daughter who is turning the same age. I've never even met this little girl. I text her and asked if we could just have 2 different parties and SIL says "No. I'm throwing 1 party. Larla will be in town and is going to be part of the family and I can't just leave her out. Come, don't come. I don't care but I'm not making special arrangements for a grown woman." I don't know how to respond.

Please tell me you are a troll.

I just don't understand her expecting us to buy presents and celebrate a stranger's birthday.

It's a little kid. You can't join in signing happy birthday? That's all it will amount to. And if you don't want to bring a gift for the other kid, then don't. They aren't likely to open the gifts at the party anyway and the parents will be happy with one less thank you card to write.

Anonymous wrote:But the real question is, will the mexican nanny and her non english speaking extended family be hosting the party?

Those are great parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you ask that?? What is wrong with you?

This!!! It’s none of your damn business who the party includes. You don’t get to tell people what kind of party to have. Good for her for speaking up and putting you in your place.

All this. So rude of you to ask to have 2 parties. You even had the guts to ask if "we" could have 2 parties, I doubt you were going to do anything to help plan them

So?

She's not in the wrong here. After years of preparing parties, I am so done! Completely sympathize with your SIL.

And you were very rude, BTW. You don't question other people's party decisions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should respond that of course you will go and you look forward to seeing them. Don’t make this about you when it has nothing to do with you.

+1

She overreacted, but you were rude in your text. Are you normally antisocial and difficult? Is she sick of tiptoeing around you?

This PP is right. SIL did overreact but was probably so flabbergasted by your requesting SHE host two separate parties because you want that, that she lost her filter for a moment and hit "send." She snapped at you, but your request was simply thoughtless, OP. Can you step back from your own emotions here and see how you might feel if you were asked by another adult to redo arrangements like this?

Please do the right thing and respond ASAP by accepting the fact you were out of line: "I'm so sorry. I realize it was rude and thoughtless of me to ask you to organize two parties! Of course the girls should celebrate together and I'll be there--in fact, if you want me to come early or stay late to help with setup or clean-up, please let me know. I was out of line and apologize."

You will be glad you apologized. Good karma and all that. Leave this alone or don't respond or respond with snark and she will remember it always; admit that you were out of line and she will remember forever that you were able to see that you were out of line, and you offered to help as well. Go to the party and bring gifts for BOTH girls but don't make a fuss over the fact you brought something for sister's boyfriend's daughter. Just do it. If you want to give niece something more or bigger, do it at another time.

Also, though her response to you was curt, bear in mind that she may be under pressures about which you know nothing at all. It's saying a lot about her that she's including the other girl in her own daughter's party; maybe that wasn't her own idea, originally, so she's touchy about it and wants it to come off successfully, so your reaction set her off. Maybe she's stressed by the whole thing. Especially if other guests are questioning the plan.