Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a kid with ASD I've been in the situation in which I can see signs of ASD in a toddler and know the parents don't know. It's hard. You know the child isn't getting help and see the parents getting frustrated. But it's a journey everyone takes on their own and what that friend is doing isn't helping you or your child.

If you like her except for this issue, I would try something like "Susie, I appreciate you want to help Ethan. But it upsets me to have you bring this up all the time and being upset makes it hard for me to deal. I'll turn to you when I have questions or need help finding doctors, but until I do, I don't want to to talk about it. Let's focus on playgroup right now."

This makes it sound as though Op is in denial and isn't ready to "deal" with what is going on with her child. Op has said nothing of the kind.

Op has had her child evaluated by a professional, she does not think that her child has autism and she really does not want to discuss this with the other mother.

If anything, Op could say "Sally, thanks for your concern but I assure you that Johnny has already had a professional evaluation and I think we're good." If she persists, smile get up and leave.

As a mom of a kid with ASD I've been in the situation in which I can see signs of ASD in a toddler and know the parents don't know. It's hard. You know the child isn't getting help and see the parents getting frustrated. But it's a journey everyone takes on their own and what that friend is doing isn't helping you or your child.

If you like her except for this issue, I would try something like "Susie, I appreciate you want to help Ethan. But it upsets me to have you bring this up all the time and being upset makes it hard for me to deal. I'll turn to you when I have questions or need help finding doctors, but until I do, I don't want to to talk about it. Let's focus on playgroup right now."

Anonymous wrote:Or just lie. Wait few weeks and teller her you had him tested and they said no.

But she did have him evaluated, and they did say no; the other mom's response was that she needs to go to HER kid's specialist, who is too expensive for OP. You'd think she was getting a referral discount!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Autism is just a label. At 2.5 (and really throughout all their life) it’s more important to focus on skills (which is exactly what you are doing).

-parent of child that has been seen by multiple speech therapists and psychologists where most say no to HFA and one or two say yes

-1

Not exactly.

+1 for some kids it is just a label and possibly a temporary one while we figure out how they respond to interventions.

-parent of a child who has been on and off the spectrum with ADOS/ neuropsych/ multiple developmental pediatricians and therapists of all types

She is an incredibly rude person who is not qualified to diagnose anyone. If you asked her *opinion* that is one thing, but her totally unsolicited observations are not welcomed and also not something that you have to put up with. Put her on your "avoid" list.

I think sometimes people are actually helpful, but sometimes they are meeting their own needs or not coping well with their own anxiety.

The mom I dealt with who has one child with autism, but considers herself the leading authority on autism sometimes can get so lost in black and white thinking that she cannot accept that there is a SPECTRUM of functioning. She doesn't know my kid, by met me at an autism group and now she is determined to mentor me when her child is in a specialized autism program at the school where my Larla is mainstreamed and other than sharing the label autism spectrum they present with very different strengths and challenges.

My kid is a regular rec tream without issue, but expert mom keeps offering to give me info out the special needs team her kid is on. I say "Thank you for the info. Larla is enjoying rec soccer so we plan to stick with that." Larla has several friends she plays with on regular basis and is in a lunch group at school to connect with others, but expert mom keeps mentioning the social skills group she does privately and how she could give us info. Larla attends regular camps without issue. We make sure the camp knows her issues just in case. Expert mom keeps pushing the special needs camp her kid attends.

I am no longer in touch with a former friend from my DD playgroup.

She is a nurse and was fixated on safety/nutrition/sleep/development - just about everything pertaining to infant and toddler issues. It was impossible to mention anything, relate an amusing story, share a picture, even have my DD play with her child without this mom launching into a judgemental diatribe about "this means x" or "you need to watch DD when x" or "if you really cared about safety, DD would be in an x brand car seat" and you'd drive (insert name of her car)...

When I had my second baby and had this friend to my house to visit, she took it upon herself to instruct DD (then 2) on how to speak and behave around the baby...that was the end of that relationship.

You could try engaging her a different way. You could ask what she wishes she had done sooner with her child. Or you could ask what has made the most difference.

My experience has been that the most intense moms offering advice were coming from a place of not wanting others to make the same mistakes they see themselves as having made.

Even when they’ve been terribly wrong about the root cause of the behaviors they see in my kids, I can often gain some insight or even just doctors/ therapists to avoid.

And if someone persists, I will often share that my kids is really complex so we are still evolving our treatment plans and thanks for asking.

Anonymous wrote:Autism is just a label. At 2.5 (and really throughout all their life) it’s more important to focus on skills (which is exactly what you are doing).

-parent of child that has been seen by multiple speech therapists and psychologists where most say no to HFA and one or two say yes

-1

Not exactly.

She is being rude. But be careful not to get too invested in the denial.

Mom perseverates on a preferred topic...hm. Imagine if she’d had social skills training earlier!

Hang in there, OP.

Anonymous wrote:"I hear you. We're working on it. I appreciate your input, but I really don't want to talk about it again."

She's being rude. However, when I got my DD's asperger's diagnosis, DH said he didn't see it. I didn't see the eye avoidance. Psychiatrist told us we were too close to the problem to see it. He was right. DD is definitely on the spectrum.