Jumping to the end of the thread.

OP, you NEED your fair share of the retirement money. If nothing else, get that.

Anonymous wrote:OP. Can anyone here understand what it’s like when a man uses money to treat you like a child? He sees it as protecting me and giving me a comfortable life. I know that. I know he thinks we have a great marriage but that’s because he almost never looks at things from my perspective. I see now that he treats me like a child - it’s a form of control and I see that I allowed myself to be stunted.

If you are divorcing him he can't control you. Take the money! You aren't thinking clearly.

Anonymous wrote:You sound really immature. Breaking up a family, even if the kids have started college, will have a significant impact on their lives and you are treating it like a “gotcha”.

I recommend therapy and a good dose of growing up.

+1

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

Take your share and give it to your kids if you don't want or need it. Otherwise it's all going to the next wife
.

I have three close friends who divorced when their youngest left for college. In all three cases, it nearly destroyed the kids. My DIL's parents divorced when she was a college sophomore. She says she feels like her entire childhood was a lie. If you are going to divorce, do it before your kids leave. They do not need to believe you stayed together all these years just for them. No child should carry that burden.

Don't be stupid.
Live life on your terms if you want, but stay married and keep your right to the assets.
Go to the other side of the world, take a lover, whatever. But don't be dumb. When you're sick and tired, you'll bitterly regret your little mid-life folly.

Really, OP, it's almost as if you've got a brain tumor.

My husband would treat me like a child if I let him, and has significant control issues plus untreated ADHD. I fight for my rights every day in this house. Do I want to forfeit what I've earned? Not a chance.

Take the money, put it in a trust and if you don't end up needing it, donate it all to a cause he doesn't like. That would get him a lot more than not taking it. But I think you'll need some for retirement, for sure..

Anonymous wrote:OP. Can anyone here understand what it’s like when a man uses money to treat you like a child? He sees it as protecting me and giving me a comfortable life. I know that. I know he thinks we have a great marriage but that’s because he almost never looks at things from my perspective. I see now that he treats me like a child - it’s a form of control and I see that I allowed myself to be stunted.

Based on this post, OP, he isn’t wrong. You are a child. You attitude to your marriage and assets is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't take your half then all of that money will go to his next wife instead of (eventually) to your kids.

This, get everything you can get.

This. Op, your proposal is the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve ever read. You have no idea what it’s like to live poor.

So selfish.

If you can wait until the youngest *starts* college then it won't kill ya to wait 4-5 more years until he/she *finishes*--
Dealing with a sudden parent breakup (which will be just as much as a shock to your kids as it is likely to be to your DH) doesn't exactly make for a smooth transition into college. Your kid will probably fail out, and guess at whose feet the blame for that will fall?

Anonymous wrote:If you don't take your half then all of that money will go to his next wife instead of (eventually) to your kids.

Unfortunately this is true.

Anonymous wrote:You sound really immature. Breaking up a family, even if the kids have started college, will have a significant impact on their lives and you are treating it like a “gotcha”.

I recommend therapy and a good dose of growing up.

Don’t listen to this PP. I completely understand where you are coming from. Take the leap, but also take the money you deserve. You have to realize you made sacrifices for his career and kids. It is also your money. He wouldn’t have been successful without you supporting the house and raising his kids.

I’m also sick of taking care of everyone else. I also have a similar exit strategy when my kids hit college age.
Only difference is I stayed employed the entire time simply so I won’t have a hard time re-entering the workforce. My husband is completely uninvolved with the kids. He does nothing but work and sleep. I’m miserable and so ready to be at a place in my life where I can finally be selfish like he has during our entire marriage.

Anonymous wrote:If I take the money I will still feel tied to him. He has used this money to control and limit me (pushing me into being a SAHM even after kids started school) all my adult life. I’m done.

I want to see his face when I tell him I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

Troll.

I nearly spit out my soda when I read that OPs "really great" job earns $50K. Where do you live, OP...Arkansas?? On what planet do you think you will go from a couple million in the bank to $50K a year and do just fine???

I know basically everyone else on this board has implored you to get counseling...but my (very) dark side would just like you to go forward with this ridiculous plan and please please please post an update two years after you have signed over your claim to any of "his" money (which, btw...if you stayed home, you likely helped build that wealth through lack of outside childcare payments and aiding his ability to focus solely on his millionaire career without the need to worry about taking time off for sick kids or school conferences or doctor's/dentist/orthodontist appointments) and tell us how you're doing on skid row.


Don't be a martyr, OP. (Even though you sound like you do that professionally already--he forced you into being a SAHM?...ya right!)

OP, you sound really stupid. You aren’t 22. You will get old soon and will have health issues and have no money to take care of yourself. You will become a burden on your children. Leave him if you must but take your share.