Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 20:34     Subject: Re:My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Wow OP I am shocked by how out of touch some of these posts are. Kids do dumb stuff. And it was Snapchat? The forum for some of the dumbest kind of trash talking. The DC MUM community seems like they would be clutching their pearls and lawyering up over what (ugly) communications kids are taking part in online. And, it is not right but as another poster said contact matters.
I do think this is a perfect teaching opportunity about ones social media presence. Look how ready adults are to burn her on the stake over this?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 20:33     Subject: Re:My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is harassment and I would encourage the other family to press charges. My teenage DD would be before a judge in no time if she acted like this. This isn't petty mean girl behavior, this is illegal. If the other family doesn't want to press charges I would look into a scared straight kind of program.


It's illegal to pressure someone about having sex? Wrong, sure, but pressing charges? Please cite a source of a law that would support this.


If it became harassment the parents can turn the text messages over to the police who can determine if they want to press charges. They absolutely can be prosecuted.


What statute do you believe OP’s daughter violated? (Please note, I don’t think we know what jurisdiction OP lives/DD attends school in).


Not the PP, but someone doesn’t need to specify a statute for something to be illegal. And some of these issues are still being figured out anyway in the courts. Some people were shocked when Michelle Carter was convicted of manslaughter ‘just’ for calls and texts and emails.

I think the safest bet is to assume that strongly encouraging a crime (like statutory rape, or for that matter underage drinking) is also a crime. So is bullying someone into allowing themselves to be the victim of a crime. Anything else is tempting fate (and karma) a bit too much for me.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 20:32     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:According to my daughter the girl had made a public Snapchat about losing her virginity next weeked and was loving the attention the post got but then started to have second thoughts and people started pressuring her not to back out. My DD and this other girl were good but not great friends with this girl and joined in saying things like “don’t back out now or everyone is going to think you just did for attention.” I think my DD and the other girl were also enjoying the attention this situation brought and they went way to far with it all. I will absolutely make her personally apologize to this girl. I’m so disappointed in my DD, she’s always been kind, compassionate and very level headed until this horrible incident.
-op

No. You are now just finding out who your kid really is. This isn’t a minor issue like teasing someone about the shirt they are wearing.


Disagree. You are way off base. You've never egged anyone on to do something dumb? You've never made a joke at someone else's expense and then felt horrible about it? These are learning experiences, and let's face it, the girl who was a target willingly made herself a target by posing about it on snapchat. She needs some serious consequences, too.

Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 20:29     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight...are you saying that a young couple at their school was bragging to the other students about how they were going to lose their virginity together. The word got out until pretty much everyone at the school knew that these two were making big plans to lose their virginity together.

Your daughter and her friend started to egg on the girl and (I'm assuming) some of the guys were egging on the boy to have sex.

What probably started off as good natured ribbing turned into more forceful pressuring by your daughter and friends as they grew impatient for this girl to lose her virginity already.

Context is important and I would have to see how the girl was responding to these texts....was she going along with all of this or was she seriously being harassed in a mean spirited way by your daughter and her friends, Op?


Voice of reason, thank you. The harpies are out tonight.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 20:26     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:According to my daughter the girl had made a public Snapchat about losing her virginity next weeked and was loving the attention the post got but then started to have second thoughts and people started pressuring her not to back out. My DD and this other girl were good but not great friends with this girl and joined in saying things like “don’t back out now or everyone is going to think you just did for attention.” I think my DD and the other girl were also enjoying the attention this situation brought and they went way to far with it all. I will absolutely make her personally apologize to this girl. I’m so disappointed in my DD, she’s always been kind, compassionate and very level headed until this horrible incident.
-op

No. You are now just finding out who your kid really is. This isn’t a minor issue like teasing someone about the shirt they are wearing.


Sadly I agree with this.

And OP should understand that she’s not the only one to not know her kid.

Remember the mass shooter getting his guns confiscated and then the father returned them to him because well why not, *his* kid would never hurt anyone with them...
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 20:21     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
It's the "just get drunk" part that galls me. That means your DD drinks.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 19:55     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Teenagers do really stupid stuff and can be mean. I remember being a teenager and kids, both boys and girls, encouraging people to do all kinds of things, trying drugs, getting drunk, speeding, etc. I think all the kids involved here need some guidance with their attitudes towards sex. Its very immature to post on snapchat that you're planning to lose your virginity. And obviously it is really unacceptable for other girls to pressure someone into having sex.

I think that a levelheaded conversation with your DD could be really helpful. There just seems to be a lot of immaturity at play here.

Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 18:58     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:According to my daughter the girl had made a public Snapchat about losing her virginity next weeked and was loving the attention the post got but then started to have second thoughts and people started pressuring her not to back out. My DD and this other girl were good but not great friends with this girl and joined in saying things like “don’t back out now or everyone is going to think you just did for attention.” I think my DD and the other girl were also enjoying the attention this situation brought and they went way to far with it all. I will absolutely make her personally apologize to this girl. I’m so disappointed in my DD, she’s always been kind, compassionate and very level headed until this horrible incident.
-op

No. You are now just finding out who your kid really is. This isn’t a minor issue like teasing someone about the shirt they are wearing.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 18:38     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight...are you saying that a young couple at their school was bragging to the other students about how they were going to lose their virginity together. The word got out until pretty much everyone at the school knew that these two were making big plans to lose their virginity together.

Your daughter and her friend started to egg on the girl and (I'm assuming) some of the guys were egging on the boy to have sex.

What probably started off as good natured ribbing turned into more forceful pressuring by your daughter and friends as they grew impatient for this girl to lose her virginity already.

Context is important and I would have to see how the girl was responding to these texts....was she going along with all of this or was she seriously being harassed in a mean spirited way by your daughter and her friends, Op?


Hmm. . . could be the above, could be just the boy was telling people his plans. I think the important thing is the mom of the girl was alerted or found the texts so she could intervene (yeah mom) and your DD actually is talking to you about her role. That means you have good communicatoin. Teens absolutely do stupid shit like this. I think the PP who emphasizes why this is a line one should not corss has it right. Talk about all the men that have fallen recently for crossing that line of pressuring women into sex acts. Talk about coercion. Explan why she should always want to find herself on the side of stopping any such coercions not in participating in it. If she tells you sex is not big thing. . . that's your conversation you really need to have. She'll likely tell you it is, but this couple was already going to do it. Then . . . why are they different? Who should be having sex? Under what conditions? Danger of alchohol and lack of consent issues (poor judgment after drinking is how unwanted pregnancies happen I suspect).

Poor girl just opened herself up to a huge discussion she probably doesn't want to have. You should see this as an opportunity to address these important issues before something truly awful happens. I wouldn't dump all this on her in the next few days . . . but in the coming weeks. She opened the door and now you need to talk to her about these issues or get her a counselor who will.


Yes yes let’s blame the real criminal. It was the boy!
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 18:27     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight...are you saying that a young couple at their school was bragging to the other students about how they were going to lose their virginity together. The word got out until pretty much everyone at the school knew that these two were making big plans to lose their virginity together.

Your daughter and her friend started to egg on the girl and (I'm assuming) some of the guys were egging on the boy to have sex.

What probably started off as good natured ribbing turned into more forceful pressuring by your daughter and friends as they grew impatient for this girl to lose her virginity already.

Context is important and I would have to see how the girl was responding to these texts....was she going along with all of this or was she seriously being harassed in a mean spirited way by your daughter and her friends, Op?


Hmm. . . could be the above, could be just the boy was telling people his plans. I think the important thing is the mom of the girl was alerted or found the texts so she could intervene (yeah mom) and your DD actually is talking to you about her role. That means you have good communicatoin. Teens absolutely do stupid shit like this. I think the PP who emphasizes why this is a line one should not corss has it right. Talk about all the men that have fallen recently for crossing that line of pressuring women into sex acts. Talk about coercion. Explan why she should always want to find herself on the side of stopping any such coercions not in participating in it. If she tells you sex is not big thing. . . that's your conversation you really need to have. She'll likely tell you it is, but this couple was already going to do it. Then . . . why are they different? Who should be having sex? Under what conditions? Danger of alchohol and lack of consent issues (poor judgment after drinking is how unwanted pregnancies happen I suspect).

Poor girl just opened herself up to a huge discussion she probably doesn't want to have. You should see this as an opportunity to address these important issues before something truly awful happens. I wouldn't dump all this on her in the next few days . . . but in the coming weeks. She opened the door and now you need to talk to her about these issues or get her a counselor who will.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 17:44     Subject: Re:My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is harassment and I would encourage the other family to press charges. My teenage DD would be before a judge in no time if she acted like this. This isn't petty mean girl behavior, this is illegal. If the other family doesn't want to press charges I would look into a scared straight kind of program.


It's illegal to pressure someone about having sex? Wrong, sure, but pressing charges? Please cite a source of a law that would support this.


If it became harassment the parents can turn the text messages over to the police who can determine if they want to press charges. They absolutely can be prosecuted.


What statute do you believe OP’s daughter violated? (Please note, I don’t think we know what jurisdiction OP lives/DD attends school in).
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 17:40     Subject: Re:My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To the pp who said changing schools is a bit much please realize the power of these clicks and especially when they use social media to ban against someone. I would absolutely pull my kid from that scene and if it meant putting her in a school where she knew no one and had to start from scratch I would absolutely do it. Encouraging or harassing another girl into loosing her virginity goes way way beyond normal teenage mean girl stuff.


I agree. And this is exactly what I would do if my sons/daughters were involved in gang behavior too. These are important years in development and this is a parent's one true power.


Until OP knows more about the situation, I don’t see how she can consider something so drastic, particularly if this is out of character for her daughter. Sometimes taking a kid who’s done wrong and making her feel like she has nothing left to lose will make her act like she has nothing left to lose. Alternatively, moving a good kid to another school might allow her to escape the consequences of her actions (I.e. not having to look the injured party in the eye every day might alleviate the shame she would otherwise experience).
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:17     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
I agree with other posters that this is serious and should be addressed.

However, as you talk to your daughter, figure out went wrong, ensure she makes amends, etc., don't let your anger and frustration get in the way of making sure that she knows you still love her, even though you are deeply disappointed, and there will be a way to earn your trust back eventually.

Teens (and, let's face it, sometimes adults too) often have trouble seeing that a bad situation won't last forever, and that there is a way forward to re-establishing a good relationships (at least with you, not necessarily with the teen girl). Keep your DD's mental health and long-term relationship with you in mind as you address this.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 15:42     Subject: Re:My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was stupid but this is typical teenager behavior to encourage people to do bad things. Peer pressure comes into play also. Punish her and have her apologize, but this hardly seems like a reason to move schools.


+1. And thank her mother for bringing this to your attention.


I would be BFFs with this mom and be completely on her side so they don't sue your family. Please make it clear to the other mom that you are going to do something about this with your daughter.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 15:40     Subject: My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
I would use this as a learning lesson and not a punishment. Sounds like she got caught up in the moment. She should have just stayed out if it completely.