Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:42
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.
Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.
This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.
The child should not be getting upset about something like this - Ted is a common way to shorten Theodore which is a mouthful and hence a name he is going to hear a lot and need correct or learn to ignore. But Ted is likely in part getting upset because his mother is being dramatic about this too. I do agree grandma should respect everyones wishes but I suspect she is looking for a fight and getting exactly what she wants here - it takes two to fight so one party here can and should just walk away and that is the example that someone should be setting for Ted.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:39
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you hadn't made this a thing four years ago, there would not be a problem now. Don't use your kid as an excuse.
Made it a thing? You mean naming THEIR child a name that she and her husband liked and calling THEIR child by that given name or the nickname they liked? That thing? That's the thing they shouldn't have made a 'thing'? Really?
No, grandma shouldn't have kept up her 'thing' of calling him Ted after being told that only Theodore and Theo were acceptable. Grandma made it a thing and continues to make it a thing.
If you tell MIL not to call him Ted and he keeps it up for years, what can you do? Little to nothing. She's an adult and withholding a grandkid over a name dispute is obviously petty and dumb. Eventually, that nonverbal little Ted is going to grow up to be verbal and be able to voice his displeasure with being called Ted as demonstrated here in OPs post.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:35
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The name is cringe-worthy. I don't blame her.
+1
Again, no one cares what you think, Misty.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:35
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We named him Theodore. We call him either that or Theo. MIL keeps calling him Ted. He doesn't acknowledge because "that's not my name!" and she gets upset. She wants us to punish DS for this. We refuse. DH has explained this to her. Her husband has explained this. DS has explained he wants to be called Theodore or Theo. This has been going on FOUR YEARS. We asked DS if he would enjoy having a special name only his grandma calls him, that's Ted. "No, I don't like that name. She can call me Theo or Theodore or Sweetie-pie." We told MIL we tried, and he was not interested.
She does not call him sweetie-pie like she does the other grandkids because she is angry at him for not replying to Ted. FIL is an awesome grandparent. He feels caught in the middle and mouths apologies when she calls DS Ted, and has taken to repeating any instruction she gives, with the switch to his name.
MIL: Ted, bring me my purse
FIL: Theo, please get Granny's purse; she needs something in there.
We're at a point now where he doesn't like her, and she doesn't like him, all over this name thing. We asked DS if he could put up with being called Ted by one stubborn old lady once or twice a month. He said he'd think about it, but came back with a firm no. DS loves FIL though, and we have insisted he be polite to MIL. She calls all the other grandchildren the right names. Is there any solution to this other than waiting for her to die?
I mean this sincerely - why? I get that politeness is expected at all times, yada yada yada - but this is a woman who is repeatedly ignoring his wishes and calling him a name that he, and others have asked her multiple times to refrain from using. She's being incredibly rude to him, and she's got no basis to expect politeness in return. Frankly, I'd consider telling him the next time she calls him Ted, he should respond with, "OK, Granny Bitch." She'll have a meltdown, of course - but do you have a better word to describe her behavior? I don't.
OK, OK, I know you won't do that, and I probably wouldn't either. But I would absolutely stop enforcing politeness with respect to her. That's how kid turn into doormats - by being forced to be nice to people who treat them like crap. And if she, or your FIL, corrects him, I'd step in and say something like "this is the inevitable consequence of your actions, MIL, and we're not going to insist that he be polite to you when you show such little regard for him."
Permitting rude behavior towards an adult/family member doesn't make a kid an anti-doormat, it makes him rude.
Perhaps, but I wouldn't really care. You reap what you sow.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:34
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.
Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.
This is so stupid. No, you don't let someone - a relative! - call a little kid a name that upsets him and just let it "be a dispute between them." Or if you do, at least take the restrictions off of the kid, and let him say whatever he feels like.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:34
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We named him Theodore. We call him either that or Theo. MIL keeps calling him Ted. He doesn't acknowledge because "that's not my name!" and she gets upset. She wants us to punish DS for this. We refuse. DH has explained this to her. Her husband has explained this. DS has explained he wants to be called Theodore or Theo. This has been going on FOUR YEARS. We asked DS if he would enjoy having a special name only his grandma calls him, that's Ted. "No, I don't like that name. She can call me Theo or Theodore or Sweetie-pie." We told MIL we tried, and he was not interested.
She does not call him sweetie-pie like she does the other grandkids because she is angry at him for not replying to Ted. FIL is an awesome grandparent. He feels caught in the middle and mouths apologies when she calls DS Ted, and has taken to repeating any instruction she gives, with the switch to his name.
MIL: Ted, bring me my purse
FIL: Theo, please get Granny's purse; she needs something in there.
We're at a point now where he doesn't like her, and she doesn't like him, all over this name thing. We asked DS if he could put up with being called Ted by one stubborn old lady once or twice a month. He said he'd think about it, but came back with a firm no. DS loves FIL though, and we have insisted he be polite to MIL. She calls all the other grandchildren the right names. Is there any solution to this other than waiting for her to die?
I mean this sincerely - why? I get that politeness is expected at all times, yada yada yada - but this is a woman who is repeatedly ignoring his wishes and calling him a name that he, and others have asked her multiple times to refrain from using. She's being incredibly rude to him, and she's got no basis to expect politeness in return. Frankly, I'd consider telling him the next time she calls him Ted, he should respond with, "OK, Granny Bitch." She'll have a meltdown, of course - but do you have a better word to describe her behavior? I don't.
OK, OK, I know you won't do that, and I probably wouldn't either. But I would absolutely stop enforcing politeness with respect to her. That's how kid turn into doormats - by being forced to be nice to people who treat them like crap. And if she, or your FIL, corrects him, I'd step in and say something like "this is the inevitable consequence of your actions, MIL, and we're not going to insist that he be polite to you when you show such little regard for him."
Permitting rude behavior towards an adult/family member doesn't make a kid an anti-doormat, it makes him rude.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:33
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:The name is cringe-worthy. I don't blame her.
+1
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:32
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
If your kiddo wants to be called Theo, than MIL needs to respect the kid's decision. That is so super obnoxious. My sister called my Theodore "Theo" and he was all, No! I'm Teddy! and that was the end of it.
I might call MIL by random names for the hell of it, but I"m petty
I might call MIL by random names for the hell of it, but I"m petty
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:32
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:We named him Theodore. We call him either that or Theo. MIL keeps calling him Ted. He doesn't acknowledge because "that's not my name!" and she gets upset. She wants us to punish DS for this. We refuse. DH has explained this to her. Her husband has explained this. DS has explained he wants to be called Theodore or Theo. This has been going on FOUR YEARS. We asked DS if he would enjoy having a special name only his grandma calls him, that's Ted. "No, I don't like that name. She can call me Theo or Theodore or Sweetie-pie." We told MIL we tried, and he was not interested.
She does not call him sweetie-pie like she does the other grandkids because she is angry at him for not replying to Ted. FIL is an awesome grandparent. He feels caught in the middle and mouths apologies when she calls DS Ted, and has taken to repeating any instruction she gives, with the switch to his name.
MIL: Ted, bring me my purse
FIL: Theo, please get Granny's purse; she needs something in there.
We're at a point now where he doesn't like her, and she doesn't like him, all over this name thing. We asked DS if he could put up with being called Ted by one stubborn old lady once or twice a month. He said he'd think about it, but came back with a firm no. DS loves FIL though, and we have insisted he be polite to MIL. She calls all the other grandchildren the right names. Is there any solution to this other than waiting for her to die?
I mean this sincerely - why? I get that politeness is expected at all times, yada yada yada - but this is a woman who is repeatedly ignoring his wishes and calling him a name that he, and others have asked her multiple times to refrain from using. She's being incredibly rude to him, and she's got no basis to expect politeness in return. Frankly, I'd consider telling him the next time she calls him Ted, he should respond with, "OK, Granny Bitch." She'll have a meltdown, of course - but do you have a better word to describe her behavior? I don't.
OK, OK, I know you won't do that, and I probably wouldn't either. But I would absolutely stop enforcing politeness with respect to her. That's how kid turn into doormats - by being forced to be nice to people who treat them like crap. And if she, or your FIL, corrects him, I'd step in and say something like "this is the inevitable consequence of your actions, MIL, and we're not going to insist that he be polite to you when you show such little regard for him."
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:31
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.
Right - so let this be a dispute between the child and his strange grandmother. Hopefully one of them will realize how stupid it is and let it go, something the parents in the middle of this have been unable to do which is probably as much the issue as anything else. Or to put it another way I think grandmother here is a lot more likely to listen to "Ted" and drop this since I suspect this is really a conflict between grandma and her DIL and DIL won't step out of this trap.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:29
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.
Well, of course. But neither he nor OP can control what comes out of MIL's mouth.
NP. Yes they can. I would tell MIL to leave every time she said the wrong name. And FIL is just enabling her.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:28
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.
Well, of course. But neither he nor OP can control what comes out of MIL's mouth.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:27
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
He is old enough to have an opinion and be upset if it isn’t respected for no reason.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:26
Subject: Re:MIL refuses to call DS the right name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds nuts but so does OP and I think this is really a silly dispute between the two of them.
I'd just let it go - it wouldn't surprise me if everyone ignored this if it just quickly went away.
Really who cares - its not like its an obscene nickname she is using.
But it isn't between MIL and OP. It's between DS and MIL. He is old enough to decide how he wants to be addressed and MIL won't respect that.
He's old enough to learn that you can't control what your family calls you.
Actually you can control what family calls you. No one has a right to change your name.
Anonymous
05/09/2018 16:25
Subject: MIL refuses to call DS the right name
That is really bizarre. And when you directly spoke to her about it she told you it was an ugly name?