Anonymous wrote:We only have sex a few times a year. I don't enjoy it anymore. I try to talk myself into it, but I just can't. I like to do it for myself, but the thought of having sex with my dh turns me off. I think he'd love to get once per week.

Why not get him involved in your self-pleasure and see if you can find something that re-creates the spark. Maybe suggest each of you gets a night where you are the boss and the other has to comply with the bosses wishes. You might just find something that was missing.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread could be a useful resource for those taking the challenge when they need ideas for how to get psyched up to initiate or support for getting motivated to focus more on sex in the marriage.
Please post (in a non-explicit manner) suggestions/helpful advice/what worked for you as you go through the challenge.
I have some nighties I haven't worn in a few years, plan to slip one on later today and wear it around under my clothes to see if that helps get me in the mood to initiate tonight.

We all have sexual fantasies. While most are acted out with someone different than a spouse, try to focus on something you always wanted to try. Go commando. If you are a woman, do it with a skirt. The daring nature of it might just get you excited. If that's not your thing, try seductive texts and a phone message. Get someone to take the kids so you can relax. Do chores naked. You know what excites you better than anyone --- make that your focus. Maybe pick out an outfit for your spouse to wear or for you to take off him/her.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't mean to hijack the thread with my comment about a few times per year. For one thing the situation isn't quite that simple, and we are talking about the problems. I'm not actually looking for advice.

I was just pointing out that once a week for many people would be considered wonderful, depending on their circumstances.

And I think the responses to you indicate that "sexless marriages" are usually not nearly as sexless as the uninterested partner might think.

I didn't mean to hijack the thread with my comment about a few times per year. For one thing the situation isn't quite that simple, and we are talking about the problems. I'm not actually looking for advice.

I was just pointing out that once a week for many people would be considered wonderful, depending on their circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:I did something similar, but went balls to the wall and did it every day for 30 days. DH struggled to keep up. He was shocked, thought ai had gone insane. It was a good jump start

after 30 days, what happened?

Anonymous wrote:We only have sex a few times a year. I don't enjoy it anymore. I try to talk myself into it, but I just can't. I like to do it for myself, but the thought of having sex with my dh turns me off. I think he'd love to get once per week.

So, since you don’t enjoy sex any longer, is it ok if you husband doesn’t enjoy monogamy any longer? You do know that BOTH are part of the traditional marriage vows that couples take, right?

Anonymous wrote:We only have sex a few times a year. I don't enjoy it anymore. I try to talk myself into it, but I just can't. I like to do it for myself, but the thought of having sex with my dh turns me off. I think he'd love to get once per week.

Would you complain/protest if he had sex outside of the marriage?

- A DW who can't relate (but not judging!)

We only have sex a few times a year. I don't enjoy it anymore. I try to talk myself into it, but I just can't. I like to do it for myself, but the thought of having sex with my dh turns me off. I think he'd love to get once per week.