Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is going to a school that you might not think is impressive, but we had some choices that were free since my ex-husband is a professor. The problem is that the random lady from band practice doesn't need to know this level of detail so instead she will likely just think my kid is dumber than hers. I"m not ashamed of where my kid is going but I also don't feel like I owe you an explanation of how my family made the decision. I find it odd that so many people ask the question.

Regarding the in-laws, extended family? I like to just say "Oh, she's going to such and such so I guess you win!" People who don't want to admit they're competing hate to be called out on it. I used to love doing that to the sanctimommies as well. "Oh, well then you win! You're the best mom!"

I love this response...

Unless the SIL is asking for specifics(GPA at SAT scores), a simple "I'll let you know when she decides" is al I would say.

Just tell them already! This question comes up each year. What's wrong with you people? Is the asking person somehow going to jinx you?!?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's some wisdom in this Grown and Flown essay about our kids college choices and how to discuss them. https://grownandflown.com/stop-explaining-daughters-choice-local-state-school/

Thank you for this link. It describes my situation! And there are some great responses on here--and some tone-deaf ones...

If your kid got a full scholarship and was admitted into the school's honors program I do not think that you are obligated to keep that to yourself. It's no less a point of pride than saying "My kid got into (insert much coveted flagship school)."

It just goes to show that two strong students with more or less equal stats could wind up choosing to attend completely different schools for different and equally compelling reasons. Usually the kids do a great job weighing the pros and cons of their decision and have really well thought out reasons for their choices. And of course we are proud of our kids and the good decisions that they make for themselves.

My kid is going to a school that you might not think is impressive, but we had some choices that were free since my ex-husband is a professor. The problem is that the random lady from band practice doesn't need to know this level of detail so instead she will likely just think my kid is dumber than hers. I"m not ashamed of where my kid is going but I also don't feel like I owe you an explanation of how my family made the decision. I find it odd that so many people ask the question.

Regarding the in-laws, extended family? I like to just say "Oh, she's going to such and such so I guess you win!" People who don't want to admit they're competing hate to be called out on it. I used to love doing that to the sanctimommies as well. "Oh, well then you win! You're the best mom!"

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DS is an adult now so I'm going to be talking and sharing less about what he does. He can discuss if he wants"

Yes, that's not snotty, aloof, or just plain odd.

It is really odd. But par for the course for people around here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's some wisdom in this Grown and Flown essay about our kids college choices and how to discuss them. https://grownandflown.com/stop-explaining-daughters-choice-local-state-school/

Thank you for this link. It describes my situation! And there are some great responses on here--and some tone-deaf ones...

+100

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to say something that encourages more prying--but don't want to be rude. I didn't realize my SIL had been having this little competition in her head all these years, but this year it is clear to me that she does. My neighbor has always been openly competitive--it's a hand to hand combat sport for her.

Why do you think it is competition? Maybe it is you who is competitive because you seem to have an issue with it. Or maybe it is just plain old insecurity. Get over it.

Anonymous wrote:There's some wisdom in this Grown and Flown essay about our kids college choices and how to discuss them. https://grownandflown.com/stop-explaining-daughters-choice-local-state-school/

Thank you for this link. It describes my situation! And there are some great responses on here--and some tone-deaf ones...

There's some wisdom in this Grown and Flown essay about our kids college choices and how to discuss them. https://grownandflown.com/stop-explaining-daughters-choice-local-state-school/

Sounds like this is someone who didn’t really talk to OP that much until college admissions started. Sounds like my aunt and uncle, who stalked my little sister outside her orchestra rehearsal after school to find out my SAT score. They were crazy.

OP, just say “we’re still deciding” or “he’s going to x and is very excited. So how about them nats?”

Anonymous wrote:I have friends I talk about college admission with, and those I don't. I'm very interesting in the process. Find it fascinating, a great way to learn about other areas of the country and schools, and people and why they make the decisions they do. When I find another parent like this we bond instantly. I have other friends, dear friends, who don't want to talk. By having them in my life I'm better conditioned, more sensitive to be careful.

I totally get the not wanting to hash out every second of the application/admittance process because it can be stressful to some people and not a lot of fun. I also get not wanting to have to discuss in minute detail why a kid chose to attend a particular school because people love to jump to baseless assumptions (oh, they can't afford the better school or they didn't get in anywhere better or they must be up to their ears in debt sending their kid to that school...blah, blah, blah). Intrusive questions like "How on earth are you going to pay for that school??" are not the same thing as "Where is your DS/DD going to college?" Or "What is your kid majoring in?"

Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!