This is crazy talk to me. Kids first -- not even a question. Spouses come and go. Admittedly, I ended every relationship I had before I married and would have left DH long ago if not for the kids. I don't really believe in True Love anymore and now that I have kids, am no longer motivated to try and search for it. If I get divorced I will not live under the same roof with someone again. I'll just have a string of affairs to take care of the physical.

I say Me first.

Spouse must be first.

You are a wife first. That doesn't mean that your children fend for themselves. It does mean that you are putting the foundation of your marriage as a priority so that you and your husband provide a strong, healthy, nurturing home life for your children.

I did not recognize the right priority until it was too late. By all means, love your children, but marriage comes first. It is a covenant.

Anonymous wrote:Have men ever been asked to rank whether being a father or husband comes first?

I hope my husband would pick being a father first.

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people don’t get it. It has nothing to do with “saving your kids first if they were hanging on a cliff”, it has to do with making time for the MARRIGE before anything else; essential kid needs aside.

Of course you’d SAVE the kids first. But my husbands and my FEELINGS come first. My kids are nurtured and we do fun things with them, but they are along for the ride until they are 18.

I had selfish parents like you. I barely talk to them today. They are minimal grandparents. Their needs always came first. I think there needs to be a balance but kids get priority to all needs as they are children and only get one childhood. I want them to do the same for their kids so leading by example is important. If it had to do with saving the kids or spouse, I would pick my kids. I hope my husband would do the same. There is no question. Why have kids if they are along for the ride? That is really selfish.

Children first until they are old enough to make their own decisions and fend for themselves. After that, spouse. But, even when our kids were young my DH never felt he wasn't a priority. It is not an either/or.

Anonymous wrote:Have men ever been asked to rank whether being a father or husband comes first?

Yes and DH would put me first.

Aw, I thought this thread would be about whether men should put their mom or their wife first.

1. Sports
2. Work
3. Cell Phone
4. Manhood
5. Passing Gas
5. Parents
6. Wife and Kids

Have men ever been asked to rank whether being a father or husband comes first?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When does it come down to a head-to-head competition? If I were picking who to rescue from a burning building, it’d be the kids (and I’d expect him to do the same). But generally, family members get my time and attention in proportion to their maturity and their needs.

Same here. I'd say that the kids' needs always come first, but their wants do not. Because they are kids, and I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for my husband.

And I wouldn't want to be married to man who would make me choose between him and our children--it's all about balancing everyone's needs and wants, and sometimes the kids come first, and sometimes I do, and sometimes he does--it just depends on what's going on.

I like this very thoughtful viewpoint.

A lot of women treat their dhs like sperm donors when the kids are born.

Anonymous wrote:One of the best things I can do for my kids is to model a strong, healthy relationship with their other parent. Doesn't mean that either is "first" but it does mean that the spouse cannot get the back burner in terms of time and emotional energy.

This! Kids needs need to be met first and there are so many needs when they are little but I can’t spend all my emotional bank on dd and have nothing left for Dh that’s not why I married him.

One of the best things I can do for my kids is to model a strong, healthy relationship with their other parent. Doesn't mean that either is "first" but it does mean that the spouse cannot get the back burner in terms of time and emotional energy.