Anonymous
04/17/2018 20:45
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
In church circles many marry in the 20s. Most of all the couples we know got married between 21 and 28.
Our circle is Ivy educated or similar, multiple degreed, east/west coast atheists/agnostics. No one got married in their 20s.
I'm Ivy-educated, multiple degreed, East coast, and agnostic. I got married at 24. Still happily married 16 years later.
Anonymous
04/17/2018 15:24
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
"I'm so very sorry. How can I help?"
Anything else is just gross.
Anything else is just gross.
Anonymous
04/17/2018 15:23
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
Honestly, if that's the case OP they couldn't have been married for more than 3-5 years then. I'd be mad if I contributed any funds to their wedding but you know your children better than any of us, so.
Do you always put your money ahead of your children’s well-being?
When its 10s of thousands of dollars, I'd question if my child had put any thought into the person they were marrying before they said 'I do'. Because if they had, this wouldn't be happening.
You are really wrong. So I suppose I needed to date my ex longer (2 years) have a longer engagement (1 year) have us become more fully integrated into each other’s family and lives (couldn’t be more possible) invest in a house, have two children. Be there in love forveach other for over ten years before she grew inexplicably cold and distant and told me she loved her affair partner?
You live in a bubble. You can’t discern all that will occur in the future.
The PP should not invest tens of thousands in weddings if they care that much about money. What an ass!
Anonymous
04/17/2018 14:44
Subject: Re:If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
I watched my mother react to my sister's divorce. Sister was 28, married only 2 years. My mother was terrible. She took it like it was a personal failure on her part. None of the reasons my sister shared were good enough for my mother. (To be fair, my sister was very reserved and never gave many details... just made the decision one day, told everyone the next, and immediately put her mind to it.. )
The whole situation caused a lot of damage to their relationship. My mother was searching for a way to understand, a way to deal with her own guilt for the situation, etc.,etc. My sister was embarrassed and really didn't want to talk about the situation. My mom just couldn't let it go and was relentless in her pursuit of "why" this had happened to her daughter.. and to herself.
I think it would have been much better if my mother had simply listened and been supportive. Spent a lot less time asking questions and looking for what was the "good enough" or "right" answer. Just accepted that sometimes things don't work out and there doesn't have to be any major reason to explain why. It isnt always a case of someone cheating, or being abusive. Sometimes it is just a mistake and that is ok.
The whole situation caused a lot of damage to their relationship. My mother was searching for a way to understand, a way to deal with her own guilt for the situation, etc.,etc. My sister was embarrassed and really didn't want to talk about the situation. My mom just couldn't let it go and was relentless in her pursuit of "why" this had happened to her daughter.. and to herself.
I think it would have been much better if my mother had simply listened and been supportive. Spent a lot less time asking questions and looking for what was the "good enough" or "right" answer. Just accepted that sometimes things don't work out and there doesn't have to be any major reason to explain why. It isnt always a case of someone cheating, or being abusive. Sometimes it is just a mistake and that is ok.
Anonymous
04/17/2018 13:56
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
In church circles many marry in the 20s. Most of all the couples we know got married between 21 and 28.
Our circle is Ivy educated or similar, multiple degreed, east/west coast atheists/agnostics. No one got married in their 20s.
Anonymous
04/17/2018 13:48
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
In church circles many marry in the 20s. Most of all the couples we know got married between 21 and 28.
Anonymous
04/17/2018 13:10
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
You seem fun.
Anonymous
04/17/2018 12:50
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My 20-something child is married (no kids, college degree) to someone who has caused division in our family. So, if they were to divorce, I'd ask my child 'Are you ok? Can I help in any way?'
I would not miss the spouse in any way.
Hi, MIL!
Sorry, we’r
e actually really happy.
Believe me, I wish they were. It's hard, as a parent, to see your kid in a poor situation.
Anonymous
04/16/2018 17:47
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If they were in their late 20's I wouldn't be shocked because it means they likely got married too young, so it's not a shock when those relationships fail.
If they were in their late 30's the math would be different and it'd be a different conversation one in which I'd encourage them to try to make it work if they thought they could. I'd support them either way.
My DH and I got together when I was a teenager, became parents very young and got married at 22. Still married now at 34, happily.
Very happy for you but had your story turned out differently, it would be very common and not surprising.
Anonymous
04/16/2018 17:44
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:My 20-something child is married (no kids, college degree) to someone who has caused division in our family. So, if they were to divorce, I'd ask my child 'Are you ok? Can I help in any way?'
I would not miss the spouse in any way.
Hi, MIL!
Sorry, we’re actually really happy.
Anonymous
04/16/2018 17:42
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:If they were in their late 20's I wouldn't be shocked because it means they likely got married too young, so it's not a shock when those relationships fail.
If they were in their late 30's the math would be different and it'd be a different conversation one in which I'd encourage them to try to make it work if they thought they could. I'd support them either way.
My DH and I got together when I was a teenager, became parents very young and got married at 22. Still married now at 34, happily.
Anonymous
04/16/2018 14:39
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
Honestly, if that's the case OP they couldn't have been married for more than 3-5 years then. I'd be mad if I contributed any funds to their wedding but you know your children better than any of us, so.
Do you always put your money ahead of your children’s well-being?
When its 10s of thousands of dollars, I'd question if my child had put any thought into the person they were marrying before they said 'I do'. Because if they had, this wouldn't be happening.
You are really wrong. So I suppose I needed to date my ex longer (2 years) have a longer engagement (1 year) have us become more fully integrated into each other’s family and lives (couldn’t be more possible) invest in a house, have two children. Be there in love forveach other for over ten years before she grew inexplicably cold and distant and told me she loved her affair partner?
You live in a bubble. You can’t discern all that will occur in the future.
Per your example - you've been dating and/or married for 13 years. The OP said their kid was getting divorced between the ages of 26 - 33. Unless you got married at 18, this doesn't apply to you.
Anonymous
04/16/2018 14:39
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
Honestly, if that's the case OP they couldn't have been married for more than 3-5 years then. I'd be mad if I contributed any funds to their wedding but you know your children better than any of us, so.
Do you always put your money ahead of your children’s well-being?
When its 10s of thousands of dollars, I'd question if my child had put any thought into the person they were marrying before they said 'I do'. Because if they had, this wouldn't be happening.
Don't give money if it comes with strings.
- a parent and a child
Who said anything about strings? Just asking for some common sense.
If your first reaction to your kid saying they are getting a divorce is to think about how much you shelled out for the wedding than you have your priorities messed up (unless its like their fourth marriage or something in which case why did you pay for the wedding?).
Anonymous
04/16/2018 14:36
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
Honestly, if that's the case OP they couldn't have been married for more than 3-5 years then. I'd be mad if I contributed any funds to their wedding but you know your children better than any of us, so.
Do you always put your money ahead of your children’s well-being?
When its 10s of thousands of dollars, I'd question if my child had put any thought into the person they were marrying before they said 'I do'. Because if they had, this wouldn't be happening.
Don't give money if it comes with strings.
- a parent and a child
Who said anything about strings? Just asking for some common sense.
Anonymous
04/16/2018 13:59
Subject: If your late 20s/early 30s child told you they were getting divorced, what would your reaction be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why did you get married so young in the first place? I don't know anyone in our social circle (except grandparents) who got married in their twenties or earlier.
Really helpful, thank you! Do you feel good about yourself for sharing that?
And...no one in this scenario got married earlier than their 20s(?)
Honestly, if that's the case OP they couldn't have been married for more than 3-5 years then. I'd be mad if I contributed any funds to their wedding but you know your children better than any of us, so.
Do you always put your money ahead of your children’s well-being?
When its 10s of thousands of dollars, I'd question if my child had put any thought into the person they were marrying before they said 'I do'. Because if they had, this wouldn't be happening.
Don't give money if it comes with strings.
- a parent and a child