Anonymous wrote:I am shocked about the answers here. I would break up with you in a second if after 3 years of a relationship I could not borrow $200 from you. She DOES have many other options. What kind of partner are you? After 3 years? Unbelievable...

Unless of course she was going to spend those $200 in a new Gucci bag, then I would break up with her because she is irresponsible.
After 3 years she is clearly not with you for the money (especially if all you make is 90k). Poor woman! She makes 24k in gradschooland you make her pay for half of your vacations?
If my husband did something like this when we were dating I would have dumped him in a sec (and no, I definitely did not pick him for him money).
Also, asking someone for money is really difficult. You embarrassed her. I am sooo glad I am not her and my DH is not you

She's not asking to borrow $200, she's asking him to pay $200/month toward her CC bill. If she were my GF I'd probably do it, but only if I thought 1) her spending was generally prudent and her debt unavoidable, and 2) she wasn't going to just run up the bill again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked about the answers here. I would break up with you in a second if after 3 years of a relationship I could not borrow $200 from you. She DOES have many other options. What kind of partner are you? After 3 years? Unbelievable...

Unless of course she was going to spend those $200 in a new Gucci bag, then I would break up with her because she is irresponsible.
After 3 years she is clearly not with you for the money (especially if all you make is 90k). Poor woman! She makes 24k in gradschooland you make her pay for half of your vacations?
If my husband did something like this when we were dating I would have dumped him in a sec (and no, I definitely did not pick him for him money).
Also, asking someone for money is really difficult. You embarrassed her. I am sooo glad I am not her and my DH is not you

Okay but you didn't ask him for money. Wtf? How does your anecdote compare?

First of all when I met him I had a job. After about a year I went back to school for my PhD and was making 20k. I owned my apartment and he moved in with me and paid for everything (from condo fees to groceries to trips). That to me is a relationship... you don’t share and count. Each one brings what he/she can. It does NOT need to be even. I never counted how much he was spending vs how much he was saving (from not paying rent). I am sure he spent more than what he saved, but that’a Ok because he made 7 times more than I did... that is fair. Unless you think she is a bimbo and is with you just for the money, but i highly doubt that’s the case... why are you (and the rest of DCUM) so weird about money! What happened to partnership and generosity? Why is it so difficult for you to be there with her and help her? What are you afraid that she will never get a job and will be a SAHM? As I said, I would break up with you in a second

Okay first of all, I'm not OP and I'm a woman. The facts you list are totally different IMHO. I don't disagree with anything you wrote. In fact, if OP's gf had the same facts that you listed and they were arguing about who pays the $200 toward a bill, I'd agreed. But Op 1. doesn't live with her; 2. She generated this CC debt on god knows what; 3. OP does pay more than half towards their time together. I agree with PP that you don't take on CC debt of someone else unless you're prepared to combine households and committing to each other.

Anonymous wrote:Was it $200 she was asking for? Or $200/month?

Op here. $200 per month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked about the answers here. I would break up with you in a second if after 3 years of a relationship I could not borrow $200 from you. She DOES have many other options. What kind of partner are you? After 3 years? Unbelievable...

Unless of course she was going to spend those $200 in a new Gucci bag, then I would break up with her because she is irresponsible.
After 3 years she is clearly not with you for the money (especially if all you make is 90k). Poor woman! She makes 24k in gradschooland you make her pay for half of your vacations?
If my husband did something like this when we were dating I would have dumped him in a sec (and no, I definitely did not pick him for him money).
Also, asking someone for money is really difficult. You embarrassed her. I am sooo glad I am not her and my DH is not you

Okay but you didn't ask him for money. Wtf? How does your anecdote compare?

First of all when I met him I had a job. After about a year I went back to school for my PhD and was making 20k. I owned my apartment and he moved in with me and paid for everything (from condo fees to groceries to trips). That to me is a relationship... you don’t share and count. Each one brings what he/she can. It does NOT need to be even. I never counted how much he was spending vs how much he was saving (from not paying rent). I am sure he spent more than what he saved, but that’a Ok because he made 7 times more than I did... that is fair. Unless you think she is a bimbo and is with you just for the money, but i highly doubt that’s the case... why are you (and the rest of DCUM) so weird about money! What happened to partnership and generosity? Why is it so difficult for you to be there with her and help her? What are you afraid that she will never get a job and will be a SAHM? As I said, I would break up with you in a second

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like after 3 years you should know whether you want to marry her or not.

I feel like he did know: his answer to her asking to borrow (not very much) money was to laugh it off and assume she's a mooch. If he wanted to marry her his response would have been different. So now he knows he doesn't want to be with her long-term, and she clearly knows too. And thanks to the internet; we also get to know!

We all know it's not "borrowing," she asked to be given money for CC debt. Give me a break. At least be up front.

Was it $200 she was asking for? Or $200/month?

Anonymous wrote:I feel like after 3 years you should know whether you want to marry her or not.

I feel like he did know: his answer to her asking to borrow (not very much) money was to laugh it off and assume she's a mooch. If he wanted to marry her his response would have been different. So now he knows he doesn't want to be with her long-term, and she clearly knows too. And thanks to the internet; we also get to know!

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked about the answers here. I would break up with you in a second if after 3 years of a relationship I could not borrow $200 from you. She DOES have many other options. What kind of partner are you? After 3 years? Unbelievable...

Unless of course she was going to spend those $200 in a new Gucci bag, then I would break up with her because she is irresponsible.
After 3 years she is clearly not with you for the money (especially if all you make is 90k). Poor woman! She makes 24k in gradschooland you make her pay for half of your vacations?
If my husband did something like this when we were dating I would have dumped him in a sec (and no, I definitely did not pick him for him money).
Also, asking someone for money is really difficult. You embarrassed her. I am sooo glad I am not her and my DH is not you

Okay but you didn't ask him for money. Wtf? How does your anecdote compare?

I feel like after 3 years you should know whether you want to marry her or not.

I am shocked about the answers here. I would break up with you in a second if after 3 years of a relationship I could not borrow $200 from you. She DOES have many other options. What kind of partner are you? After 3 years? Unbelievable...

Unless of course she was going to spend those $200 in a new Gucci bag, then I would break up with her because she is irresponsible.
After 3 years she is clearly not with you for the money (especially if all you make is 90k). Poor woman! She makes 24k in gradschooland you make her pay for half of your vacations?
If my husband did something like this when we were dating I would have dumped him in a sec (and no, I definitely did not pick him for him money).
Also, asking someone for money is really difficult. You embarrassed her. I am sooo glad I am not her and my DH is not you

You guys were already on vacation and planning another trip? when I was a grad student/ta it was hand to mouth. Trips home were because my parents gave me miles or bought a ticket. I was dating another grad student so we were poor together, which worked out well. Before, I had briefly dated an investment banker who flung his money around--that also stressed me out and made me feel like the relationship was not equal so I ended it. Also, he was a jerk but that's another story.

anyway, I don't think that you are obliged to pay 200 for anything--but the fact that you've been together 3 years and you won't pay 200$ for her cc debt but will pay for dates is a little curious. Sounds like she figured out you were not in it for the long term and maybe that's the wisest decision for you both. Obviously if she were mismanaging her finances and thats why she needed money, that's an issue, but living on a grad student stipend is rough. I recall being in my last year of a program, getting a prestigious fellowship in DC and my stipend was 15,000 for 12 months. Now that same institution provides 25k AND housing, but I was living on ramen in a cockroach infested place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a troll or what? You said she broke up with you, but she didn't, she just got more distant. Did you get your storylines mixed up?

OP here. She broke things off today and canceled the trip. She said it's too stressful being with me.

This will not be popular DCUM advice but if we’re being honest you sound entirely too soft. Stop being a doormat. You’re supposed to be the man. You said she has lots of other options so I assume that outside of cc debt she’s good. Take control. “I’ll pay this debt and take care of you. On X, Y, and Z conditions.” Whatever makes sense in context. Stop whining to a message board populated primarily by women in failed marriages.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well she did tell me she choose me out of a million guys and she's not feeling like I support her enough emotionally. She's probably right. She has a lot more options.

Too bad thread titled can't be edited. Then you'd be able to have an accurate thread title like "GF broke up with me because I'm not a good BF"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for the recent vacation? Who was going to pay for the trip to NY? If she was contributing to these trips she should have used the money to pay down her debt. If you paid for these trips and now she wants you to pay down her debt you are a chump. If I were engaged to her I would help her out but otherwise no.

Op here. She paid for her airfare and I paid everything else. We do not live together. I always pay for everything when we go out to dinner. I do make significantly more money than her. My salary is 90k and she's probably at 24k.

Unless she's morbidly obese and terribly difficult to look at, she's right to move on from you. You had her pay for her plane ticket? You're unfuc*able. That said, after three years and you're not married? Nope, don't pay someone else's debts. That she asked for you to do it makes her even more unfuc*able than you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a troll or what? You said she broke up with you, but she didn't, she just got more distant. Did you get your storylines mixed up?

OP here. She broke things off today and canceled the trip. She said it's too stressful being with me.

Dude, if this is a true story, and you didn't leave details out, then consider it BULLET DODGED. Seriously. Do not pay her just to keep her around. This is not a reflection on you but her. She's terrible. Move on.

- a woman