Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A C in public school is like an F. I would be pissed and take the phone away.

This. My kids must have As and Bs to have phone privileges. Son had a C 2nd quarter after not doing well on two tests (one test could not be retaken and he did not try to retake the other) and not turning in homework (which is not even graded for content, you just have to turn it in!). While he had a C, he had no phone and no video games. Grade has not dipped that low again and all homework has been turned in. If a child is putting forth their best effort, asking for extra help, doing extra homework, then I would not punish.

Your son is very lucky that his teachers are grading regularly. I don't disagree with your policy at all, but at my son's school that would be seriously unfair. His teachers just don't report grades in a timely way. For example. his English teacher didn't grade ONCE between the last interim period and the wee hours of the night that grades were due. (Don't even get me started on how he is supposed to learn to write with no feedback...)

+100
I wonder if we're talking about the same English teacher?? My son has an English teacher (high school) who simply doesn't upload grades. He had an "F" in this class for the entire quarter - why? Not because he hadn't turned in all his assignments. Not because he had failed any quizzes or tests. But because this lazy teacher refused to grade things and upload them in a timely fashion. That "F" was actually a B+, but the damage had already been done because we kept hounding our son about it - when the reality was completely out of his control. I emailed the teacher about this, but never received a response. Teachers like this are the WORST.

Well, my son misunderstood something, and did it incorrectly for weeks on end. Certainly the misunderstanding initially reflected his lack of careful reading but the fact that he did it wrong all those times? not so much. (It was whether he had to do both or choose the GO assignments).

Only As are acceptable in our house.

My son has a fine motor disability and has gotten two Bs in electives where he had to build things/take photos, and while I am disappointed, I told him that I understood he did his best.

My son also has inattentive ADHD and struggles to remember to hand work on time, etc, so I sympathize with your daughter. With children like this, you need to be more on their case because their brains mature slower. Not saying your child has ADHD, but perhaps tendencies?

As for the punishment, whatever works for your family, OP, keeping in mind what I just wrote above.

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you think part of the issue is that she's spending too much time on her phone playing games, watching videos, whatever, I'd suggest an approach that worked with my DS. We had him download an App Tracker (it tracks the amount of time spent on the phone, and the amount of time spent per day on each application--2 hrs on you tube, 1 hour on what's app, etc). Then each week we sit down together and look at it. He was shocked at how much time he really was spending (wasting...) on his phone, when he was pretty convinced before that he wasn't. I told him it happens to us all. I'm guilty of spending WAY more time on DCUM and FB then I probably think.

It might help as a bigger approach to time management.

*than I think. I know the difference.

OP, if you think part of the issue is that she's spending too much time on her phone playing games, watching videos, whatever, I'd suggest an approach that worked with my DS. We had him download an App Tracker (it tracks the amount of time spent on the phone, and the amount of time spent per day on each application--2 hrs on you tube, 1 hour on what's app, etc). Then each week we sit down together and look at it. He was shocked at how much time he really was spending (wasting...) on his phone, when he was pretty convinced before that he wasn't. I told him it happens to us all. I'm guilty of spending WAY more time on DCUM and FB then I probably think.

It might help as a bigger approach to time management.

Anonymous wrote:How does the phone relate to the grade? is it a distraction? Only take it away as a consequence if it's an actual distraction.

Of course it's a distraction. But it's also a privilege, one her parents PAY for her to use. Taking away a privilege for not doing your best in school is completely appropriate.

How does the phone relate to the grade? is it a distraction? Only take it away as a consequence if it's an actual distraction.

I would also suggest more of a strategy reset to come along with any sort of punishments. I would definitely say that it is reasonable to say that the phone has to be earned back through the demonstration of good study habits (homework done at kitchen table, checked for neatness before being turned in, early to bed, no TV priveliges until homework is done to your satisfaction, extra chores, but I don't think that losing the phone for what may feel like forever to your DD will be necessarily motivational nor will it help her develop the sorts of habits that will actually improve her grades. I dont think you can assume that she will spontaneously be able to do that by herself.

Grades earn privileges. Bs and above for whatever she wants.

I got a C in science one quarter. My mother asked the teacher why and she showed her a folder full of sloppy work. My mother's response was to make me sit down and re-do every single assignment in the folder. I remember crying, but she sat next to me (doing something else and answering questions) while I re-did the entire quarter's worth of work. I didn't re-do it for any sort of credit, but my mother told me she knew I could learn this material and do better. I did know most of it, I was just sloppy about the work that went to my teacher.

I was embarrassed and appropriately scolded. I knew I never wanted to repeat that again. It was an excellent lesson.

Focus on the material she bombed for the quiz and the test. What did she miss? What is she not understanding that she is FAILING a quiz and a test? She needs to learn that material, even though the grade can't be change. Make sure she learns it.

Take her phone away until she can re-take the test (at home) and get a B+.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A C in public school is like an F. I would be pissed and take the phone away.

This. My kids must have As and Bs to have phone privileges. Son had a C 2nd quarter after not doing well on two tests (one test could not be retaken and he did not try to retake the other) and not turning in homework (which is not even graded for content, you just have to turn it in!). While he had a C, he had no phone and no video games. Grade has not dipped that low again and all homework has been turned in. If a child is putting forth their best effort, asking for extra help, doing extra homework, then I would not punish.

Your son is very lucky that his teachers are grading regularly. I don't disagree with your policy at all, but at my son's school that would be seriously unfair. His teachers just don't report grades in a timely way. For example. his English teacher didn't grade ONCE between the last interim period and the wee hours of the night that grades were due. (Don't even get me started on how he is supposed to learn to write with no feedback...)

+100
I wonder if we're talking about the same English teacher?? My son has an English teacher (high school) who simply doesn't upload grades. He had an "F" in this class for the entire quarter - why? Not because he hadn't turned in all his assignments. Not because he had failed any quizzes or tests. But because this lazy teacher refused to grade things and upload them in a timely fashion. That "F" was actually a B+, but the damage had already been done because we kept hounding our son about it - when the reality was completely out of his control. I emailed the teacher about this, but never received a response. Teachers like this are the WORST.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember being able to retake tests and quizzes in middle school; is this normal?

It’s crazy how normal it is now. Even in some HS classes if you get a D or below.

It’s crazy to me. Kids either have the incentive to study hard and correctly the first time and get a good grade or blow it off and bomb it for a retake. Getting a C is worse than an F in most classes because most C grades don’t get a retake opportunity. Crazy!

And what even more frustrating is that for many classes, the retake test doesn’t change. A kid can bomb on purpose to get an idea of what’s on it to know exactly what to study to do better. A few of the teachers have started to realize this recently and made rules about the highest retake grade being a B now so kids have more incentive to study the first time.

I don’t want to be one of those “older” people, but... kids today have it so good! lol

And yet . . . .

Anonymous wrote:

NP...but I am with OP here. This is not an "I tried my best and my best yielded a C" situation, PP. This is an "I got a C and had a chance to fix it by retaking a test but I couldn't be bothered to be responsible enough to turn in the required paperwork to do it" situation. Lazy. Pure and simple. And yes...in my house that means consequences beyond just the natural one of getting a "C" that you don't want.

The standard in our house is that you put forth your best effort. And, okay, everybody screws up or makes a mistake or fails to understand something even when they try their best. But if you have an opportunity at a second shot and blow it off (even after multiple reminders) that is not putting forth your best effort. So yeah, I'd totally take her phone away for a while.

I agree with this, but I also think the whole quarter is too long. I also agree with the people are are saying to be concerned about her learning the content. IF she's usually a good student, what went wrong here? Have you talked to her about this class? What does she think happened and how can it be fixed for next time?

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Why would I allow the child to have the privilege of a phone with her all the time (including at school) if she isn't showing that she can handle the basic requirements of her job (i.e. passing exams and putting forth the effort to re-take if she doens't pass the first time)? She already has plenty of time on a home laptop. I don't think she is "deprived" by losing phone privileges -- which for her is games/music on the bus and at school -- as well as when she is at home on her laptop.

Anxiety and depression??? Didn't WE all grow up without a personal entertainment device during the school day? Did we all suffer from anxiety and depression as a result of boredom?

So, to be clear, you don't want an answer to your question. You want your choice validated.

Well, I'm not going to do that. I think you're over-reacting for ONE C. You give a consequence for not following through on the re-take, sure. Then you get her a tutor. The time spent with that person, and doing extra work, will hopefully be enough to motivate her. And you set forth a conseuqence IN ADVANCE about future grade thresholds so she knows what she's working against.

Honestly, I agree with PP that you sound SUPER controlling. Good luck with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember being able to retake tests and quizzes in middle school; is this normal?

This is normal. I think it is good because then the kid learns the material. Which is the whole point of tests.

+1
I know a lot of people don't think kids should be able to retake tests/quizzes, but the whole point is mastery of material. If you do poorly on a test, you need to show that you can master the material, and if that includes a retake, so be it.

OP, the posters that told you to focus on process are very sensible. I would definitely withhold privileges for someone not doing their job of being a good student, but 9 weeks seems too much -- a type of overkill punishment that could have negative motivational effects. And the grade is not the point -- the more important point is the kid learns content and to be responsible, as another poster said. So you need to be much more involved until she has proved that she is trustworthy enough to handle things herself, but not with a punitive focus, more with a working together to solve the problem focus.