Why wouldn’t you invite your brother’s wife to your shower?

Your SIL sounds amazing!!! I wish she were mine! She sounds not only generous but considerate. I feel badly for her. She’s eventually going to realize that you don’t want her around.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Maybe she thinks you’re mad at her and is trying to find a way “in”, since you’ve shut her out. She doesn’t realize you are undeserving of her kindness and friendship.

I had a bad start with my brother’s wife. Things improved and she did go over the top with gifts. I accepted them
Happily. I saw it as her way to be part of our lives and share in our happiness. And she was thoughtful and considerate of our tastes and choices. You could tell she really thought about everything and genuinely wanted things to be good. I accepted that and am happy about it.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Something is very wrong with you OP. There is no reason for you to take such an uncharitable view of your SIL except for your own internal issues. Hopefully you won't pass on this nastiness to your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Ok, given this response, you must be a troll. Who is this awful??

I truly can't imagine this is real. No woman is this vindictive over someone who wants to love their niece/nephew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Because she was hardly interested in our lives before LO was born, which was fine by me. I’m close with my brother but not with his wife/SIL.

She didn’t even start really talking to me until the 7 month mark and she texted me the day I went into labor asking how I was feeling. Now it just feels like over compensating for something.

Or maybe it's easier to get excited about a living, breathing child with a name and a face than a conceptual blob living in someone else's tummy, dummy!

Especially when things can easily go wrong in early pregnancy

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Wow, op, you're cold. I've been accused of being aloof, but you've got me beat by a mile.

She’s excited and wants to share in your happiness. She can’t be physically with you, and so she’s compensating with gifts.

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Because she was hardly interested in our lives before LO was born, which was fine by me. I’m close with my brother but not with his wife/SIL.

She didn’t even start really talking to me until the 7 month mark and she texted me the day I went into labor asking how I was feeling. Now it just feels like over compensating for something.

Or maybe it's easier to get excited about a living, breathing child with a name and a face than a conceptual blob living in someone else's tummy, dummy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Ok, given this response, you must be a troll. Who is this awful??

+1

Yeah, you're pretty much a jerk. Just don't respond or acknowledge the gifts and she'll understand who you are very quickly.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Ok, given this response, you must be a troll. Who is this awful??

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

wow you are some industrial grade jerk

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was she not invited to baby shower? Is there a negative history?

To me it sounds like she is being super nice and supportive. She wants to see her niece/nephew but is waiting until the 6 mo mark which to me shows resepct on her part. Not sure why you are annoyed.

Yep. She sounds excited and respectful. Why exactly are you upset?

Why does it matter that you aren't close to her if your DH is? It's not for you to dictate how excited a sibling should be about their niece/nephew. She asked in advance to visit at an appropriate time. What is wrong with you? Save your energy for real boundary issues.

Sorry I mistook it for being your DH's sister. I still don't think it is an issue for her to be excited for you. She asked respectfully about visiting and has been generous.