Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me as if the OP is influencing her children against her MIL, not at all unusual in these times. DIL's need to get over it and realize that there is a special bond between grandparents and grandkids that is vitally important. flame away.

It sounds to me like you can't read. This is OP's own mother. This is not a MIL/DIL issue.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me as if the OP is influencing her children against her MIL, not at all unusual in these times. DIL's need to get over it and realize that there is a special bond between grandparents and grandkids that is vitally important. flame away.

There is no special bond, sorry, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her why she is so fixated on overnight visits vs. daytime events? If she refuses to stay anywhere but home, it seems like an easy counter to say "Larla is just like you! She only sleeps in her own bed!"

For my mom, it turned out to be a grandma competitiveness, one of her friends was doing it so she had to too. That competitiveness continues to ramp up, if anyone she know does anything with their grandkids that my mother sees as upping her, she becomes obsessed with the doing the same thing with my kids regardless of whether or not they are interested.

It's kind of crazy but I think this fuels a lot of grandma demands - it very much does with my MIL.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me as if the OP is influencing her children against her MIL, not at all unusual in these times. DIL's need to get over it and realize that there is a special bond between grandparents and grandkids that is vitally important. flame away.

Try again. The grandmother in question is OP's mom.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me as if the OP is influencing her children against her MIL, not at all unusual in these times. DIL's need to get over it and realize that there is a special bond between grandparents and grandkids that is vitally important. flame away.

Look! Grandma found the thread!

You sound like a great grandma, PP! Sacrificing the feelings and comfort of a child for your own feelings and for a forced “vitally inportant special bond”.

MIL do not have the power
If you want a loving family, PP, you need to step aside from thinking you are in charge.

It sounds to me as if the OP is influencing her children against her MIL, not at all unusual in these times. DIL's need to get over it and realize that there is a special bond between grandparents and grandkids that is vitally important. flame away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it be possible for Grandma to stay the night at your house?

Maybe it's the hanging out at night watching movies and making breakfast in the morning that she really treasures.

I was a kid who hated staying at other people's houses, so I totally get that.

No, we could make it work, and she wouldn’t anyway. We’ve offered before, but she refuses to stay anywhere but home. She even drove home in a snowstorm once.

.

It sounds like grand daughter is a lot like grandmother. Perhaps that is the angle, ‘Just as you do not like to spend a night away from your bed, Laila likes to sleep in her bed.”

"Sorry you overstepped Mom, and I will not discuss overnights with you again. As you have guilt tripped/grilled Larla about this when you have had her alone, we are considering limiting all unsupervised visits. Do you still want to pursue this?"

JUST SAY NO.

There is no need to explain or defend, but you can say "BECAUSE WE DON'T LIKE OVERNIGHTS".

And then you say: I REFUSE TO DISCUSS THIS. And you can leave if she continues to go on about it.

Life is too short, OP, to walk on eggshells and be afraid.

Only my youngest likes to stay with my mom now. All of the other kids in our family had sleepovers there when they were younger, but they outgrew it and moved on. My mom wasn't offended, because kids grow up. Your mom needs to understand this, OP, and if she cannot, then apparently she hasn't grown up herself.

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, you don't like sleeping anywhere but in your own bed. Larla is the same way. [Dont try to] make her do something that she's not comfortable with. Looking forward to seeing you next weekend."

Do this. Repeatedly.

No.
Excuse me while I change the laundry.

Anonymous wrote:You just have to be consistent and change the subject or end the conversation. Just tell her you do not want the kids to have overnights, when she complains say I am sorry you feel that way but that is our decision and we would love to have you spend time other ways. If she gets upset leave or end the call.

Yes, OP, this pp is right. You have to do the difficult work of giving up on trying to make your mom change. All you can do is be firm about your boundaries and accept the fact that she'll get mad about it.

Firm, "Larla won't be spending the night" and "No" is all that is needed.
I would however address the pressuring behind your back. That is not acceptable and she should know better and I would cut off contact for a while. I would say until we can trust that Larla's feelings will be respected and not manipulated, you don't feel comfortable with any 1:1 visits.
if it happens again after that? I would honestly steer clear for a very very long time. It is totally unacceptable and puts needless pressure on your child just so your mom can feel 'wanted'. Sick.