Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

I'm 57 and still do my best to give my DH no good reason to want to go elsewhere. Early on in our marriage vanilla sex was just fine but over time I realized that it wasn't enough for me and I'm sure not for him. I can't match some young AP's hard body but I'm pretty sure I can match their "novelty". My DH is definitely not "horrified" with what I like and want as he is the main beneficiary.

I was a goody two shoes catholic girl with limited sexual experience before I met DH. 32 years later I swear the nuns would now call me a dirty girl given the things I love to do with my DH. If he has sexual needs I'm not fulfilling he just needs to ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Are you willing to share the household finances to help maintain the affair partner. More specifically, in the form of dinner, vacations, and gifts
Basically, all the things that we would do to romance a potential wife?

Nope. He'd have to find someone with their own money. Or he can just move on and file for divorce. I don't really care either way any more. I am not interested in dating or sex any more and just enjoy my friends and extended family.

It's not about her having your her money, it's the money for the dating. They are two totally different things. Married men, if they are interested in single woman (AND MOST ARE) need to bring something more to the relationship than just their penises, and they do. They are territorial, inside and outside of their marriages, and prefer their partners to be exclusively dating them (yes, it's crazy but true). They WILL use your household money to wine and dine their affair partners and keep them around. Otherwise, why have sex with a married man?

And to be honest, it's probable safer that he keep one stable partner instead of picking up woman on Tinder and Adult Friend Finder every weekend. If you don't want to have sex with YOUR husband, why do you think someone else does, lack of available penises? Unless, he is one of those men in the 1 percent of attractiveness, woman are not falling all over him.

For those men that are not "maintaining" an affair partner in some way, you are really in trouble. They have multiple partners in any given month. can you imagine that your husband's mouth has been on 2 or 3 different vagina's that month and then kissing you and your kids? And yes, this is the reality.

Anonymous wrote:

I used to be extremely attracted to DH, but after years of him sitting there and doing almost nothing to take help take care of the kids or the house while I did absolutely everything (and we both worked full time) has pretty much killed any interest I had in him sexually.

Why are you still married to such a worthless lazy jerk? Divorce him now, do not spend another day in this lopsided relationship. Problem solved.

Would love to, but one of our kids has SN and needs to attend a specialized private school - could not afford it if we had to maintain two households.

You've long ago signed his Hall Pass, right?

I used to be extremely attracted to DH, but after years of him sitting there and doing almost nothing to take help take care of the kids or the house while I did absolutely everything (and we both worked full time) has pretty much killed any interest I had in him sexually.

Why are you still married to such a worthless lazy jerk? Divorce him now, do not spend another day in this lopsided relationship. Problem solved.

Would love to, but one of our kids has SN and needs to attend a specialized private school - could not afford it if we had to maintain two households.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends “dated” a married guy for a few years who told her he was in a sexless marriage. Lo and behold, she found out he and his wife had two new babies in two years during that “sexless” period. When confronted, he changed his story and claimed it was because his wife didn’t understand him (and my friend did I guess?) Bet his wife would’ve had a different story to tell about their “sexless” marriage.

She wasn't dating him BECAUSE of his sexless marriage, so why does it even matter? Marriages where sex occurs 10X per year are considered sexless so I am not sure what you think you are proving here.

Considered by whom? Cite a source. Or is a sexless marriage one where the husband doesn’t get sex any time he wants it?

But she was indeed dating him in large part because she thought his marriage was sexless. She felt bad for him, he was so lonely and needed her loving touch, he was such a good daddy and a good guy for not wanting to leave his family, people just didn’t understand etc. She freaked the eff out when she realized his family grew by 2 while he claimed he had a dead bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends “dated” a married guy for a few years who told her he was in a sexless marriage. Lo and behold, she found out he and his wife had two new babies in two years during that “sexless” period. When confronted, he changed his story and claimed it was because his wife didn’t understand him (and my friend did I guess?) Bet his wife would’ve had a different story to tell about their “sexless” marriage.

She wasn't dating him BECAUSE of his sexless marriage, so why does it even matter? Marriages where sex occurs 10X per year are considered sexless so I am not sure what you think you are proving here.

Considered by whom? Cite a source. Or is a sexless marriage one where the husband doesn’t get sex any time he wants it?

Anonymous wrote:Tons of married men who sleep with other women aren't doing it because their marriage is sexless. They are doing it because they are bored with monogamy and wait novelty, there's all there is to it. Some men also want to have the kind of sex with their APs that they explicitly DON"T want to have with their wives, and would be horrified to learn their wives may want. In their minds, wives are for one thing, and APs are for something else.

I'm 57 and still do my best to give my DH no good reason to want to go elsewhere. Early on in our marriage vanilla sex was just fine but over time I realized that it wasn't enough for me and I'm sure not for him. I can't match some young AP's hard body but I'm pretty sure I can match their "novelty". My DH is definitely not "horrified" with what I like and want as he is the main beneficiary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends “dated” a married guy for a few years who told her he was in a sexless marriage. Lo and behold, she found out he and his wife had two new babies in two years during that “sexless” period. When confronted, he changed his story and claimed it was because his wife didn’t understand him (and my friend did I guess?) Bet his wife would’ve had a different story to tell about their “sexless” marriage.

Ew!!!
Your friend isn’t very bright.

She tends to be pretty naive. We told her he was clearly full of it and she’s just get mad at us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends “dated” a married guy for a few years who told her he was in a sexless marriage. Lo and behold, she found out he and his wife had two new babies in two years during that “sexless” period. When confronted, he changed his story and claimed it was because his wife didn’t understand him (and my friend did I guess?) Bet his wife would’ve had a different story to tell about their “sexless” marriage.

She wasn't dating him BECAUSE of his sexless marriage, so why does it even matter? Marriages where sex occurs 10X per year are considered sexless so I am not sure what you think you are proving here.

I don't know if it's any of the PPs, but there is a poster around these parts who gets very fixated on the pure meaning of the word "sexless." If the couple has consummated their marriage at all, that apparently doesn't qualify as "sexless." So, in this person's mind, 9x per year doesn't qualify as "sexless," so the husband is just being a whiner or something.

You are so funny. I love ya.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I both read this article this morning and discussed it for a few minutes mostly in regard to women losing their desire for sex. I told him that I rarely have the "urge" for sex the way he does but that I always enjoy it when we do. But I couldn't do it 3-4 times a week but 1-2 times is fine. We are both in our early 60's so he didn't raise a complaint. We didn't talk about what would happen if I had no interest in sex at all. But I do know it would be a big problem for him though I know his moral bar is very high. But even with that I'm just not sure what would happen.

You would issue him a permanent hall pass because you love him and want to meet his needs.

PP here - I don't think I could nor do I think he would take one. We've been married over 35 years and have a very special relationship and yes, sex has been an important part of it. I do believe that sex in some way, shape or form will continue to be a part of our lives until health issues arise which is inevitable.

That would be extemely selfish and unloving to declare you no longer want sex therefore he must also be celibate against his will and biology. He would be equally justified to give himself a hall pass. Let’s hope that dilemma never comes.

Please read carefully! I didn't say that I would ever declare I no longer want sex. I said that at some point in our lives one of us will likely have health issues that could prevent us from having sex.

Sex is alot more than just PIV, so it's hard to imagine exactly what kind of health issue (maybe total paralysis or comma?) could ever cause that?

Anonymous wrote:

Or they were once attracted to them, but that has faded. Women like to find a million other reasons for not wanting to have sex with their husbands, but I think it's usually for the same reason men don't want to have sex with their wives: they're no longer (or never were) sexually/physically attracted to them.

I used to be extremely attracted to DH, but after years of him sitting there and doing almost nothing to take help take care of the kids or the house while I did absolutely everything (and we both worked full time) has pretty much killed any interest I had in him sexually.

Why are you still married to such a worthless lazy jerk? Divorce him now, do not spend another day in this lopsided relationship. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I both read this article this morning and discussed it for a few minutes mostly in regard to women losing their desire for sex. I told him that I rarely have the "urge" for sex the way he does but that I always enjoy it when we do. But I couldn't do it 3-4 times a week but 1-2 times is fine. We are both in our early 60's so he didn't raise a complaint. We didn't talk about what would happen if I had no interest in sex at all. But I do know it would be a big problem for him though I know his moral bar is very high. But even with that I'm just not sure what would happen.

You would issue him a permanent hall pass because you love him and want to meet his needs.

PP here - I don't think I could nor do I think he would take one. We've been married over 35 years and have a very special relationship and yes, sex has been an important part of it. I do believe that sex in some way, shape or form will continue to be a part of our lives until health issues arise which is inevitable.

That would be extemely selfish and unloving to declare you no longer want sex therefore he must also be celibate against his will and biology. He would be equally justified to give himself a hall pass. Let’s hope that dilemma never comes.

Please read carefully! I didn't say that I would ever declare I no longer want sex. I said that at some point in our lives one of us will likely have health issues that could prevent us from having sex.

Are you willing to share the household finances to help maintain the affair partner. More specifically, in the form of dinner, vacations, and gifts
Basically, all the things that we would do to romance a potential wife?

Nope. He'd have to find someone with their own money. Or he can just move on and file for divorce. I don't really care either way any more. I am not interested in dating or sex any more and just enjoy my friends and extended family.

Or they were once attracted to them, but that has faded. Women like to find a million other reasons for not wanting to have sex with their husbands, but I think it's usually for the same reason men don't want to have sex with their wives: they're no longer (or never were) sexually/physically attracted to them.

I used to be extremely attracted to DH, but after years of him sitting there and doing almost nothing to take help take care of the kids or the house while I did absolutely everything (and we both worked full time) has pretty much killed any interest I had in him sexually.