Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 22:38     Subject: Wife won't leave




Goodness, OP, you're not going to get much sympathy for being so whiny about it! After reading all your childish updates, I'm starting to see why she cheated...


Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 22:38     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible


I mean, yes, she can, so


+1 She sounds like a narcissist. Get a lawyer, now.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 22:35     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s probably talked to a lawyer who told her not to leave. And her cheating won’t count against her in a bid for custody.

Pick up ALL slack in parenting, and document it. Insist on a separation agreement that frames a temp custody order, and that is agreeable to you.


Unfortunately, this PP is right. She has surely been advised that she's going to get custody of your child even if she's the one cheating.

Get a very experienced lawyer who has represented fathers against mothers. (And I say this as a woman myself. You need a tough lawyer who will be aggressive with her lawyer.)

Document EVERYTHING, never do anything (like agree on who gets your child when) on a handshake, and whatever you do, find some way to ensure your child is never being driven by her if you suspect she drinks. That would be my No. 1 fear, that she would drive your child somewhere while drunk.

I'm so sorry. Fight hard for custody and like PP says, ensure that you are doing all parenting tasks and have evidence of that. But most of all, lawyer up NOW and don't say yes to anything "just between us, without bringing courts into it."


+1000. Whoever this is knows exactly what they are talking about. Best free bit of advise you will ever get. I know it sucks and it's hard to do but you have to stay calm, put all of your energy into your kid. And this probably doesn't make sense now but in the end it will all work out for you and the kid.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 22:18     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible


I mean, yes, she can, so


Umm, no she can't. She broke the marriage - she should get out and he can take care of the kids + hire a sitter as needed.


NP. Can/can't and should are very different things. She absolutely CAN and if OP has an ounce of brain in him he'll keep his anger and temper in check and see a lawyer tomorrow. You can shout until you're red in the face about what cheaters SHOULD do and it's not going to make a difference.


Says the cheater.

I agree about the lawyer. Especially the pp who suggested you get a lawyer experienced going after women in divorce and winning. Be kind to her face and in front of your kid but legally show her no mercy.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 21:57     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible


I mean, yes, she can, so


Umm, no she can't. She broke the marriage - she should get out and he can take care of the kids + hire a sitter as needed.


NP. Can/can't and should are very different things. She absolutely CAN and if OP has an ounce of brain in him he'll keep his anger and temper in check and see a lawyer tomorrow. You can shout until you're red in the face about what cheaters SHOULD do and it's not going to make a difference.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 21:49     Subject: Re:Wife won't leave
I'd go after her boyfriend, but legally. Get a PI, have your lawyer send him a threatening letter, etc. Make screwing her not worth the hassle. If he's every at your house, call the police.

Even though MD is a one-party state, you should always wear a recorder. That way if she alleges you hit her, you'll have proof you didn't. Security cameras outside are also a good idea. Have them dump their recordings off-site.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 19:32     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible


I mean, yes, she can, so


Umm, no she can't. She broke the marriage - she should get out and he can take care of the kids + hire a sitter as needed.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 18:44     Subject: Wife won't leave
Try to get her to hit her then you can force her out.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 18:28     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible


OP, no advice except you will have to be the adult here. (bug hug). I am sorry you are experiencing this. My husbands ex did this to him. Thank God no kids but he too lost a lot of weight very suddenly. Please stand up for yourself. She doesnt get to call all the shots here.

She is trying to force YOU to leave to show abandonment, almost surely.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 18:26     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:DCUM wildly overestimates how uptight family court judges are. Ask me about a recent divorce I advised on with a parent who openly admitted to regular pot use. Judge does not care. And this wasn’t in DC/a fully decriminalized State.


I can second that. My ex is a total pothead, smoked weed while driving, judge didnt care. Im serious. This is in MD however.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 18:25     Subject: Wife won't leave
She isn't doing that to me. I am humiliated. All our friends know she is having an affair yet she won't leave and treats me like I am trash. I told her she needs to get out even on a temporary basis and decide what she wants to do in terms f out marriage but no. She still says she won't leave.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 18:21     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible


I mean, yes, she can, so
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 18:20     Subject: Wife won't leave
OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 16:51     Subject: Wife won't leave
Anonymous wrote:In Maryland, does it hurt you if you move out and leave a spouse and kid behind? My Ex did this, and I’m wondering if my lawyer should have worked this angle.


Worked this angle how? Someone has to move out eventually. What did you expect him to do?
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2018 16:16     Subject: Wife won't leave
In Maryland, does it hurt you if you move out and leave a spouse and kid behind? My Ex did this, and I’m wondering if my lawyer should have worked this angle.