Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 08:28     Subject: Re:wife keeps her name
I only judge when they get pissy if you call them Mrs. <their kids last name>

Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 08:25     Subject: wife keeps her name
It makes thing harder. People, doctors and businesses assume you are not married. I know one couple where the wife was in an accident and the hospital/doctors would not allow the husband in the room/give info. Another couple were flying overseas, the airline over sold the main cabin and bumped the husband to first class but not the wife. Finances are not viewed as shared. Etc etc.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 08:15     Subject: wife keeps her name
I don't think anything of it.

I also don't think anything of people who changed.

I do look with askance at people who invent a new last name. That's just twee.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 08:08     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)


I kept my last name yet always send out Christmas cards from the “Smith” Family. I also tell my friends to go ahead and use my husbands name when sending things so I receive a lot of mail to the “Smith” family. I don’t care the my last name is not specifically mentioned on the card, wedding invite, etc. Socially we go by my husbands name and professionally I use my name. I also don’t have an issue being addressed as Mrs “Smith” by the kids teachers. If your wife has issues using your name socially then maybe it is time for a discussion to figure out why she is so adamant to not use your name. Her explanation may help you understand the issue but I am betting this is a control thing on your part if you are embarrassed by this. Honestly, this would be a huge red flag if my husband was embarrassed.


This is exactly my scenario. We are the HisLastName Family. I answer to Mrs HisLastName if someone uses it. It isn’t a big deal. Occasionally someone will use my last name for my kid and we all laugh. Because everyone who knows us knows that the cat has my last name and the kid has his.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 08:00     Subject: Re:wife keeps her name
My wife took my name, which was flattering. I didn’t ask her to, it wasn’t a priority.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:56     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)


I kept my last name yet always send out Christmas cards from the “Smith” Family. I also tell my friends to go ahead and use my husbands name when sending things so I receive a lot of mail to the “Smith” family. I don’t care the my last name is not specifically mentioned on the card, wedding invite, etc. Socially we go by my husbands name and professionally I use my name. I also don’t have an issue being addressed as Mrs “Smith” by the kids teachers. If your wife has issues using your name socially then maybe it is time for a discussion to figure out why she is so adamant to not use your name. Her explanation may help you understand the issue but I am betting this is a control thing on your part if you are embarrassed by this. Honestly, this would be a huge red flag if my husband was embarrassed.


This is a good idea - using it socially. Maybe I will bring that idea up later on after we have some kids.

I am not so embarrassed that I regret marrying her - not by a long shot. She is mostly perfect, but this one thing about her -- keeping her last name -- bugs me a ton. I don't think my embarrassment is a huge flag. It is normal to be slightly embarrassed about being one of the 2% of husbands whose wives didn't take their name.

It's not like I avoid introducing her to people or something, but .. it's just something that will pretty much always annoy me somewhat as long as we don't have the same last name.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:51     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)


Are you a dude? Do you have monogrammed towels? WTF?


Haha point taken! I've never sent out christmas cards (yet), but it was just a tangible way of giving an example of not being the (last name) family .. instead we are (first name and first name)

Hope you get what I meant
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:50     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think women who don't change their names are missing a chance to slow love and respect for their husbands and are making it easier for themselves to get divorced in the future.

I think it's a wonderful gesture that women do for their husbands.

I understand why women of DCUM wouldn't like it because most of you are cheating or planning divorces, based on the threads I read here.


It is also a wonderful gesture husbands could do for their wives. But they don’t do it, why?


Well, due to the nature of two people combining to form one family, it makes sense to pick one name. Unless we want to have generations with two names, four names, eight names, etc...

Of course, world history, patriarchy, etc etc are the reasons that the tradition of taking the man's name is the one that took hold.

But my answer for why husbands don't do it today is because that would put them in the .00001% of men that take their wives' names and would leave them open to be laughed at by people behind their backs for basically looking like a ... bitch.

Whereas when a woman takes her husband's name, this just makes her one of the normal 95+% (nation-wide) and no one thinks twice about it.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:45     Subject: wife keeps her name
It's stupid , they'll wonder if you are the step mom. Even Hillary and Michelle took their husbands names. None of you are important or notable.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:38     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:I think women who don't change their names are missing a chance to slow love and respect for their husbands and are making it easier for themselves to get divorced in the future.

I think it's a wonderful gesture that women do for their husbands.

I understand why women of DCUM wouldn't like it because most of you are cheating or planning divorces, based on the threads I read here.


It is also a wonderful gesture husbands could do for their wives. But they don’t do it, why?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:37     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)


Are you a dude? Do you have monogrammed towels? WTF?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:30     Subject: wife keeps her name
Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)


I kept my last name yet always send out Christmas cards from the “Smith” Family. I also tell my friends to go ahead and use my husbands name when sending things so I receive a lot of mail to the “Smith” family. I don’t care the my last name is not specifically mentioned on the card, wedding invite, etc. Socially we go by my husbands name and professionally I use my name. I also don’t have an issue being addressed as Mrs “Smith” by the kids teachers. If your wife has issues using your name socially then maybe it is time for a discussion to figure out why she is so adamant to not use your name. Her explanation may help you understand the issue but I am betting this is a control thing on your part if you are embarrassed by this. Honestly, this would be a huge red flag if my husband was embarrassed.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:17     Subject: wife keeps her name
I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:14     Subject: Re:wife keeps her name
I pay no attention to it. It's their name, not mine. I took my husband's last name because I liked it better than my maiden name. Still do.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2018 07:13     Subject: wife keeps her name
I think women who don't change their names are missing a chance to slow love and respect for their husbands and are making it easier for themselves to get divorced in the future.

I think it's a wonderful gesture that women do for their husbands.

I understand why women of DCUM wouldn't like it because most of you are cheating or planning divorces, based on the threads I read here.