If she calls and sucks up time, I woukd say something.

If she is just emailing, just ignore the email. You know it is going to happen. So just ignore all emails from her until the next day. Just remember, that you may not be able to control her attention seeking behavior, you can control yours. I am not saying that her behavior is ok. But this way you can save your own sanity.

OP, is ignoring her an option?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister had crises at my engagement party, wedding shower, and day before my wedding. Drama. She's matured somewhat since.

My SIL did this too. She called off her wedding 2 days before my wedding, announced she was getting engaged the day my son was born (but the wedding never happened), recently my other SIL had a baby and of course when it was born she announced again that she was getting engaged (still no ring though), etc. EVERY time there is a big family event she tries to redirect the attention to herself.

Now it's just laughable because everyone can see the pattern. She's a narcissist in so many other ways it's too hard to list.

more likely a personality issue in the OP than birth order. it isn't a coincidence. people are happy or celebrating on their birthday. sometimes the thougth of another being happy makes an already miserable person all the more aware of their lot. misery loves company and all that.

it is selfish and i would not respond...at least for 3 or so days and even then with a "i hope things get better. love and light to you" type thing.

My SIL who is the oldest sibling has a crisis on all big days--our wedding shower, the day we left to move cross-country, my baby shower, the week before and after both of our kids were born, etc... etc...

There are other possibilities, but this is a classic tactic of a covert passive-aggressive narcissist. They often sabotage special days.

"Stop raining on my parade on my birthday. You do this every freaking year. Don't believe me? I'm about to forward you messages from the last five years. Cut it out."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reply very concerned about her situation, but reference details from one of the last 2-3 years worth of calamities (that are not part of this years). If she notices and comments, then just say you got confused about the details since both events happened on your birthday. Apologize profusely and say you sorry, but her problems just make you think about celebrating your birthday and you got confused.

Isn't that passive aggressive?

Yes, so? Being passive aggressive to a drama queen that has tried to calamity bomb her sister's birthday for 10 years doesn't bother me in the least.

Anonymous wrote:Reply very concerned about her situation, but reference details from one of the last 2-3 years worth of calamities (that are not part of this years). If she notices and comments, then just say you got confused about the details since both events happened on your birthday. Apologize profusely and say you sorry, but her problems just make you think about celebrating your birthday and you got confused.

Isn't that passive aggressive?

Reply very concerned about her situation, but reference details from one of the last 2-3 years worth of calamities (that are not part of this years). If she notices and comments, then just say you got confused about the details since both events happened on your birthday. Apologize profusely and say you sorry, but her problems just make you think about celebrating your birthday and you got confused.

I don't agree with the middle sister behavior. I think it sounds like the baby of the family.

I think that some people have a bit of a narcissistic streak and constantly tend to turn the spotlight and attention towards themselves. They would seriously rather cut off their own arm at your wedding ceremony than let you enjoy your moment to shine. When you shine that makes them feel like nothing....

Do you still have her old "falling apart" bday emails? If so, forward them all to her.

Or just learn to ignore her emails on your bday and celebrate your day - have fun! Then a couple of days later respond to her latest falling apart email by saying something like: "I'm sorry I haven't responded. Dh, the kids and I just got back from a lovely day trip to the beach to celebrate my birthday. I'm so sorry to hear about your money problems/illness/spousal issues, etc. I hope that things get better soon. Love ya!

Just don’t answer her calls or emails on your birthday. How is this hard?

—Youngest child whose middle sister is the most easygoing of us all!