My ex-husband's parents only see my kids and two of their other grandkids during the summer, and the two oldest they never see because they're in Minnesota and are busy with work. They manage to live normal lives during the rest of the year. They're perfectly happy and not whining and crying and pretending to be sick because they can't see them. Methinks that your in-laws are overdramatic, and need to be told that they are being ridiculous, OP. Maybe that's why my ex-husband's? mom and I are such great friends. Neither of us thrive on drama, and we both love to chill.

hurt his mon’s feelings

unimportant
you should not make decisions based on hurt feelings
you will FOREVER have problems if this is how you decide
and it's setting a terrible example for your children

You didn't need to insert that they were Asian.

My father and my ILs are from different Asian cultures and no one in either family pulls that kind of shite.

They're insane. What matters is that your husband understands this, and doesn't suffer needlessly from manufactured guilt.

My father has never even met my sister's two children (ages 3.5 and 6 months). She hasn't spoke to my dad in 7+ years; she despises him.

Tell your FIL to grow a pair and that it could be much, much worse. At least he's met his grandkids.

How old are they, OP?
They could be viewing this as the one last chance to bond with a young grandchild...

I'm not defending them (and the poor me routine gets old very fast round these parts), but for comparison, I text my parents (we have a WhatsAppp group) daily or every other day at least, we visit them (1.5 hour flight) twice a year, they visit us 3-4 times a year, and we plan one joint trip together per year. My mother is very difficult, and becoming more so as she ages, but we all feel it's important, and my son loves them, so we grin and bear it.

They might be being dramatic but mental health and physicaal health are relate. I imaine it's pretty painful to hve one child live far away from you and be banned from seing that child and grandchild in any meanigful way more than once a year and have a DIL who disrepects your culture.

It really doesn't matter how many other children/grandchildren one does not replace the other and blowing them off is disrespectful and damaging for generations. You don't see this now and your DCUM cheerleaders don't see this now but it is. So instead of browbeating your husband into staying away from his family , come up with a compromise. Twice a year sounds good if you can't stomach it he can go alone with the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Where do they live, OP? Do you have to be the ones to travel or can they travel to you?

It’s a 2.5 hour flight (14 hour drive). So not far by air. It would be easier if they would come here once and we go there once, but it sounds like they prefer we do the traveling.

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with visiting parents more than once a year? Watch put, your future DIL may di the same thing to you if you don’t teach your son about family and priorities.

Until we know how far away the grandparents live and how much vacation time everyone has, asking “questions” like this serves no purpose.

Is your husband the only male child? If so, do his sisters have all girls or girls and boys? Maybe your in-laws have some weird thing about male heirs? Not that this makes anything right, but maybe that is why your DH is not reacting the same way.