I just want to tell people that cutting ties is not about punishing the people for their abuse it's about you figuring out what level of connection you want to people who abused and hurt you or enabled said abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. From the age of 3(my earliest memory) until 7, I was held down by my mother so my father could sexually assault me. From 7-12, I was forced to sleep at night in my fathers bed(I stopped fighting the abuse.) From 12-14 I had my own bed/bedroom but I wasn’t allowed to change anywhere but my bedroom, and I had no door. I was not allowed to shut the bathroom door, ever. At 15, my father tried to kill me (strangulation), was arrested and put in jail. The judge found him guilty but didn’t sentence him to anything but time served. CPS told my mother to choose-me or him. My mother spit in my face and chose him and I went into foster care. I haven’t laid eyes on either of them since. Nor do I plan to.
Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy is the only way I was able to free myself from my childhood.

My sincerest thoughts are with you and the fact that you must have had to work like hell in therapy to find your place today. I wish someone could've been there when you were little.

+100

+ more from me. I truly hope that before your time ends on this earth you will experience a life filled with abundant blessings, peace and joy. You deserve the greatest happiness after what happened to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. From the age of 3(my earliest memory) until 7, I was held down by my mother so my father could sexually assault me. From 7-12, I was forced to sleep at night in my fathers bed(I stopped fighting the abuse.) From 12-14 I had my own bed/bedroom but I wasn’t allowed to change anywhere but my bedroom, and I had no door. I was not allowed to shut the bathroom door, ever. At 15, my father tried to kill me (strangulation), was arrested and put in jail. The judge found him guilty but didn’t sentence him to anything but time served. CPS told my mother to choose-me or him. My mother spit in my face and chose him and I went into foster care. I haven’t laid eyes on either of them since. Nor do I plan to.
Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy is the only way I was able to free myself from my childhood.

My sincerest thoughts are with you and the fact that you must have had to work like hell in therapy to find your place today. I wish someone could've been there when you were little.

+100

Anonymous wrote:NP. From the age of 3(my earliest memory) until 7, I was held down by my mother so my father could sexually assault me. From 7-12, I was forced to sleep at night in my fathers bed(I stopped fighting the abuse.) From 12-14 I had my own bed/bedroom but I wasn’t allowed to change anywhere but my bedroom, and I had no door. I was not allowed to shut the bathroom door, ever. At 15, my father tried to kill me (strangulation), was arrested and put in jail. The judge found him guilty but didn’t sentence him to anything but time served. CPS told my mother to choose-me or him. My mother spit in my face and chose him and I went into foster care. I haven’t laid eyes on either of them since. Nor do I plan to.
Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy is the only way I was able to free myself from my childhood.

My sincerest thoughts are with you and the fact that you must have had to work like hell in therapy to find your place today. I wish someone could've been there when you were little.

Didn't read the thread bc I don't want to deal with this but:
#1: I never hit my kids, ever.
#2: When I feel like I"m getting out of control, I put myself in time out.
That's pretty much enough.
I was hit, verbally abused and physically neglected. I don't do any of that either but #1 and #2 are behavioral.

Anonymous wrote:As a child and up to my teenage years I was physically and emotionally abused by my dad on a regular basis. I'm not talking about spankings and getting yelled at, my dad used to beat me and call me all sorts of names. The worst was when he kicked me in the stomach knocking me down to the ground and punched me in the face. He's even dragged me by my hair to the basement and then continue to beat me. I was always scared of my dad and resented my mom for not protecting me. There were times where she would just sit there and watch me get my ass beat which made things 100x worse.

I've told my parents on several occasions that what they did to me in the past was not acceptable and they seem to just shrug it off. My mom even had the nerve to tell me I need to be more understanding because my dad had a terrible childhood and he did the best he could. After having a kid of my own, I could never imagine treating my kid the way my mom and dad treated me.

If you were physically and emotionally abused as a child by your parents, how do you cope with it now?

Hypnotherapy worked wonders for my DH. His father was from a third-world country and the beatings were horrific.

Anonymous wrote:NP. From the age of 3(my earliest memory) until 7, I was held down by my mother so my father could sexually assault me. From 7-12, I was forced to sleep at night in my fathers bed(I stopped fighting the abuse.) From 12-14 I had my own bed/bedroom but I wasn’t allowed to change anywhere but my bedroom, and I had no door. I was not allowed to shut the bathroom door, ever. At 15, my father tried to kill me (strangulation), was arrested and put in jail. The judge found him guilty but didn’t sentence him to anything but time served. CPS told my mother to choose-me or him. My mother spit in my face and chose him and I went into foster care. I haven’t laid eyes on either of them since. Nor do I plan to.
Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy is the only way I was able to free myself from my childhood.

Im so sorry. This is truly horrific. After reading this, I have trouble going about my day. From a comple anonymous stranger, I am so very sorry. I hope your dad faced a cruel death. Sorry, I had to add that for my own sanity!

NP. From the age of 3(my earliest memory) until 7, I was held down by my mother so my father could sexually assault me. From 7-12, I was forced to sleep at night in my fathers bed(I stopped fighting the abuse.) From 12-14 I had my own bed/bedroom but I wasn’t allowed to change anywhere but my bedroom, and I had no door. I was not allowed to shut the bathroom door, ever. At 15, my father tried to kill me (strangulation), was arrested and put in jail. The judge found him guilty but didn’t sentence him to anything but time served. CPS told my mother to choose-me or him. My mother spit in my face and chose him and I went into foster care. I haven’t laid eyes on either of them since. Nor do I plan to.
Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy is the only way I was able to free myself from my childhood.

PP, also- I know the post is chockful of spelling and grammatical errors. Talking about it makes me emotional.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone’s parent truly changed and apologized?

I know the odds of this are essentially zero in my case but I just can’t seem to get my heart to understand that and stop waiting for my mom to come back and be different.

My mother has changed. She was only physically and emotionally abusive to me, and not to my siblings. I was the oldest. My dad was a good dad, but not great husband. I presume he was abusive to her as well. We had a wonderful relationship. He has since died. Ironically, after my father's death (and essentially, the first year I 'moved out'/went to College, she was extra, extra nice to me. I have not seen the patterns anymore. She has turned to codependency (with my siblings), where she now spoils them, and they take advantage of her.

Even then, she has never said she is sorry, or even talked about what happened. I have not said anything to her either. I suspect her excuse will be that it was culturally appropriate to hit your child (it was more than slaps, kicks, punches etc. she once threatened that she would burn my hands, and turned on the stove, and led me to it) We are not close. I don't plan on visiting any time soon. DD is 4 years old and has never been to visit either. (Mom lives overseas). She did come to visit DD, and is very pleasant to her.

Anonymous wrote:These posts are really helpful. Thanks everyone for sharing. - not op

+1, thank you all for sharing. Very helpful for me. Not OP.

Anonymous wrote:A good therapist and lots of hard work and Adult Child of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional families 12 step program has made a huge difference. Google ACA. Some good meetings locally.

PS. A therapist who does work with those who have trauma and PTSD.

A good therapist and lots of hard work and Adult Child of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional families 12 step program has made a huge difference. Google ACA. Some good meetings locally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone’s parent truly changed and apologized?

I know the odds of this are essentially zero in my case but I just can’t seem to get my heart to understand that and stop waiting for my mom to come back and be different.

No.

Another no here. It's like grief, OP. It takes time to accept a loss. You will have to grieve for the parent you never had and never will have, and re-parent yourself, and move forward.

Unfortunately no.