Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 19:41     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We're in our early 30s now, but DH was asked in a promposal type way for his senior prom. Thing was, he was already planning on asking his girlfriend that night on their date. He was pretty bitter about the whole thing, but couldn't crush the girl that asked him so publicly (it involved roses and the whole school watching on a stage).

Was his girlfriend the one who did the promposal? Or was it some other girl who did the promposal and he felt like he couldn't crush her? If that was the situation, what did he do? He couldn't crush his girlfriend either.


PP here. He crushed the girlfriend. It was a girl who had a crush on him that asked him to prom.


Um... did she know he had a girlfriend? He should have said "Sorry, I have a gf."


Exactly! I'm not understanding this situation at all. He had a girlfriend - why didn't he simply tell the other girl thank you so much for asking, but you do know I have a girlfriend, right?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 19:39     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Normalizing the idea that both parties can do the asking and that it isn’t the boy’s job to do the asking helps level the dating playing field. Girls shouldn’t have to be passive spectators, hoping that some guy will ask them to prom. Girls and boys alike should be free to ask and accept or reject as appropriate.


I view this the opposite. Girls have more power by forcing boys to put themselves out there and express interest in a girl. If girls have to do the asking it means that girls are letting the boy do the deciding.

When a man asks a woman to marry, who do you think has the advantage? I say the woman.


I guess I’m trying to teach my kids to strive for equality (or something close) in their relationships, not constantly game them for the upper hand.


This. There's nothing worse than movies and such that show someone, man or woman, manipulating and scheming to "get" someone else. Ick. To me, the whole promposal thing (as well as elaborate public wedding proposals) is along that same line: putting someone in a position where, socially, they feel pressured to say yes to this person who has created this public spectacle. I don't think women are ultimately marrying a man because he proposed in a certain way, but I wonder how many girls say yes to promposals just because they don't want to make a scene or embarrass the boy.


And I've always especially hated the idea of "Sadie Hawkins" dances—as though it's the girls' one chance to do the asking.

I think those are more common in the South these days, though, judging by Facebook posts from my high school friends. Do any schools around here do Sadie Hawkins-type dances, where the girls are supposed to do the asking?


Of course. My kids' NoVA high school has one every year, and I imagine lots of others do too. I like it. Boys always ask girls to these dances; it's nice for them to just sit back and be asked for a change.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 19:35     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
I agree that girls should feel free to ask boys, as long as it's understood that boys can say no. Girls are taught that they never have to accept a boy's invitation if they aren't interested. The same goes for boys. Unfortunately, a girl who asked my son on a date last year, didn't take it well when he said no thank you. She cussed him out and then had all her friends do the same. If the gender roles had been reversed, and my son treated her like that after being rejected, he'd probably be expelled from school.

So make sure your daughters know this works both ways.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 17:53     Subject: Re:Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Promprosals are horrible idea.

But, if they have to happen, then it should happen when both parties know that the answer will be "Yes". Like two people who are girlfriend/boyfriend. But, ugh, still ...the whole idea is so terrible and tacky.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 17:38     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
So, do the girls do the whole big to-do with the proposal like the boys feel pressure to do?

Asking for a friend.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 16:04     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We're in our early 30s now, but DH was asked in a promposal type way for his senior prom. Thing was, he was already planning on asking his girlfriend that night on their date. He was pretty bitter about the whole thing, but couldn't crush the girl that asked him so publicly (it involved roses and the whole school watching on a stage).

Was his girlfriend the one who did the promposal? Or was it some other girl who did the promposal and he felt like he couldn't crush her? If that was the situation, what did he do? He couldn't crush his girlfriend either.


PP here. He crushed the girlfriend. It was a girl who had a crush on him that asked him to prom.


Um... did she know he had a girlfriend? He should have said "Sorry, I have a gf."
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 14:29     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We're in our early 30s now, but DH was asked in a promposal type way for his senior prom. Thing was, he was already planning on asking his girlfriend that night on their date. He was pretty bitter about the whole thing, but couldn't crush the girl that asked him so publicly (it involved roses and the whole school watching on a stage).

Was his girlfriend the one who did the promposal? Or was it some other girl who did the promposal and he felt like he couldn't crush her? If that was the situation, what did he do? He couldn't crush his girlfriend either.


PP here. He crushed the girlfriend. It was a girl who had a crush on him that asked him to prom.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 14:22     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:We're in our early 30s now, but DH was asked in a promposal type way for his senior prom. Thing was, he was already planning on asking his girlfriend that night on their date. He was pretty bitter about the whole thing, but couldn't crush the girl that asked him so publicly (it involved roses and the whole school watching on a stage).

Was his girlfriend the one who did the promposal? Or was it some other girl who did the promposal and he felt like he couldn't crush her? If that was the situation, what did he do? He couldn't crush his girlfriend either.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 14:11     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:We're in our early 30s now, but DH was asked in a promposal type way for his senior prom. Thing was, he was already planning on asking his girlfriend that night on their date. He was pretty bitter about the whole thing, but couldn't crush the girl that asked him so publicly (it involved roses and the whole school watching on a stage).


This is why promposals are so unfair to the person being asked. I really hope they are falling out of favor.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 13:11     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
We're in our early 30s now, but DH was asked in a promposal type way for his senior prom. Thing was, he was already planning on asking his girlfriend that night on their date. He was pretty bitter about the whole thing, but couldn't crush the girl that asked him so publicly (it involved roses and the whole school watching on a stage).
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 13:10     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Normalizing the idea that both parties can do the asking and that it isn’t the boy’s job to do the asking helps level the dating playing field. Girls shouldn’t have to be passive spectators, hoping that some guy will ask them to prom. Girls and boys alike should be free to ask and accept or reject as appropriate.


I view this the opposite. Girls have more power by forcing boys to put themselves out there and express interest in a girl. If girls have to do the asking it means that girls are letting the boy do the deciding.

When a man asks a woman to marry, who do you think has the advantage? I say the woman.


When a person asks a person to marry, if they're thinking about who has the advantage, they shouldn't get married.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 13:06     Subject: Re:Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
My daughter is planning to ask a girl, so the guys will have to find their own dates.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 12:22     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Normalizing the idea that both parties can do the asking and that it isn’t the boy’s job to do the asking helps level the dating playing field. Girls shouldn’t have to be passive spectators, hoping that some guy will ask them to prom. Girls and boys alike should be free to ask and accept or reject as appropriate.


I view this the opposite. Girls have more power by forcing boys to put themselves out there and express interest in a girl. If girls have to do the asking it means that girls are letting the boy do the deciding.

When a man asks a woman to marry, who do you think has the advantage? I say the woman.


I guess I’m trying to teach my kids to strive for equality (or something close) in their relationships, not constantly game them for the upper hand.


This. There's nothing worse than movies and such that show someone, man or woman, manipulating and scheming to "get" someone else. Ick. To me, the whole promposal thing (as well as elaborate public wedding proposals) is along that same line: putting someone in a position where, socially, they feel pressured to say yes to this person who has created this public spectacle. I don't think women are ultimately marrying a man because he proposed in a certain way, but I wonder how many girls say yes to promposals just because they don't want to make a scene or embarrass the boy.


And I've always especially hated the idea of "Sadie Hawkins" dances—as though it's the girls' one chance to do the asking.

I think those are more common in the South these days, though, judging by Facebook posts from my high school friends. Do any schools around here do Sadie Hawkins-type dances, where the girls are supposed to do the asking?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 12:08     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Normalizing the idea that both parties can do the asking and that it isn’t the boy’s job to do the asking helps level the dating playing field. Girls shouldn’t have to be passive spectators, hoping that some guy will ask them to prom. Girls and boys alike should be free to ask and accept or reject as appropriate.


I view this the opposite. Girls have more power by forcing boys to put themselves out there and express interest in a girl. If girls have to do the asking it means that girls are letting the boy do the deciding.

When a man asks a woman to marry, who do you think has the advantage? I say the woman.


I guess I’m trying to teach my kids to strive for equality (or something close) in their relationships, not constantly game them for the upper hand.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 11:57     Subject: Encourage your girls to ask a boy to prom...
you know, way to take a super cute post by OP and grind it into the ground. ugh some of you PPs suck the life out of everything.

I'm more of the mindset that I'd like my DDs to be asked rather than asking, (for the reason that when the guy does the work and has to try, he's more invested) BUT I love OPs story and it's so sweet to think of her beaming boy. Love it! Thank you for your post, OP!