Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, you seriously need help. Get off the wonder analogies and stop trying to label and find fault with othe kids.

+1. Someone forgot her meds. Sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, you seriously need help. Get off the wonder analogies and stop trying to label and find fault with othe kids.

Why? It's a popular movie. Teenage depression is also a serious current issue. Why not discuss it in light of this comment? It's a similar scenario. Auggie had to eat lunch by himself till two kids had the courage to come over to him and befriended him. Plenty of kids noticed him earlier but were indifferent for months.

I asked the mom what she would do instead for OP's child. What might make her child notice someone who needs a friend and what might make her DD actually act verses being indifferent. She hasn't answered with any suggestions.

First she said her child wouldn't notice someone sitting alone. Then she or another PP said that even if they did notice someone sitting alone and needing a friend, it was too much to ask a 12 or 13 year old to be anything more than indifferent because children are immature, kids are busy, and some adults are also indifferent. Wonder is a very good analogy for discussing social interactions in middle school with kids who don't have a lot of friends and eat alone. OP could write more about her child to get specifics on her particular situation that might better help, but it doesn't take away from the fact that Wonder is still a good analogy for this situation.

Do you agree with PP that 12 and 13 year olds can babysit, be counselors in training, spend hours on social media, get pregnant, and loads of other things, but can't have enough empathy at 13 to strike up a conversation with someone they know needs a friend because they are too busy with other things? That makes no sense.

It is a movie/book. Good lord. Most middle school children are working through or in the early stage of identity formation. Counselors in training??? Do you mean for camp? Most 12 and 13 year olds are good with younger guys. Peers are harder, and you are assuming that OP s daughter engages with peers. One of the most eye opening experiences as a parent can be to watch your child interact with different people when they don't know you're there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, you seriously need help. Get off the wonder analogies and stop trying to label and find fault with othe kids.

Why? It's a popular movie. Teenage depression is also a serious current issue. Why not discuss it in light of this comment? It's a similar scenario. Auggie had to eat lunch by himself till two kids had the courage to come over to him and befriended him. Plenty of kids noticed him earlier but were indifferent for months.

I asked the mom what she would do instead for OP's child. What might make her child notice someone who needs a friend and what might make her DD actually act verses being indifferent. She hasn't answered with any suggestions.

First she said her child wouldn't notice someone sitting alone. Then she or another PP said that even if they did notice someone sitting alone and needing a friend, it was too much to ask a 12 or 13 year old to be anything more than indifferent because children are immature, kids are busy, and some adults are also indifferent. Wonder is a very good analogy for discussing social interactions in middle school with kids who don't have a lot of friends and eat alone. OP could write more about her child to get specifics on her particular situation that might better help, but it doesn't take away from the fact that Wonder is still a good analogy for this situation.

Do you agree with PP that 12 and 13 year olds can babysit, be counselors in training, spend hours on social media, get pregnant, and loads of other things, but can't have enough empathy at 13 to strike up a conversation with someone they know needs a friend because they are too busy with other things? That makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:Lady, you seriously need help. Get off the wonder analogies and stop trying to label and find fault with othe kids.

Anonymous wrote:Lady, you seriously need help. Get off the wonder analogies and stop trying to label and find fault with othe kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've got an axe to grind, looking for behavior you can categorize as mean. I won't further engage..

The behavior isn't mean. It isn't kind. It's indifference.

indifference is purposeful. And there you go again.

Purposeful for the person with the other priorities yes. Not purposeful for the child who has no friends whom we are supposed to be talking about helping. You seem to have no suggestions for OP so I'm not sure why you are even responding. Maybe you could be helpful by explaining what would make your indifferent child care more since a lone child at lunch still leaves your child indifferent? What would make your daughter care enough to help?

First, I think most can agree that inaction is an action. But these are lessons that adults struggle with and can't engage appropriately in today's world. How many adults take time to interact with an awkward work peer or mom at an event where the mother is obviously the outsider?

Again, while I agree that inaction is actually doing something, I think it is a lot to ask even the very, very mature and self assured 8th grader to act in this manner. I think sometimes we like to believe that our children are more mature than they are and that they have more social awareness than they do, often forgetting that sometimes they are simple trying to keep afloat and that reaching out to help someone else might mean that they sink as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've got an axe to grind, looking for behavior you can categorize as mean. I won't further engage..

The behavior isn't mean. It isn't kind. It's indifference.

indifference is purposeful. And there you go again.

Purposeful for the person with the other priorities yes. Not purposeful for the child who has no friends whom we are supposed to be talking about helping. You seem to have no suggestions for OP so I'm not sure why you are even responding. Maybe you could be helpful by explaining what would make your indifferent child care more since a lone child at lunch still leaves your child indifferent? What would make your daughter care enough to help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've got an axe to grind, looking for behavior you can categorize as mean. I won't further engage..

The behavior isn't mean. It isn't kind. It's indifference.

indifference is purposeful. And there you go again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've got an axe to grind, looking for behavior you can categorize as mean. I won't further engage..

The behavior isn't mean. It isn't kind. It's indifference.

Anonymous wrote:You've got an axe to grind, looking for behavior you can categorize as mean. I won't further engage..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re twisting the scenario. This isn’t a kid sitting in the cafeteria alone. This is a kid in the hallway. Im saying that a teen spending 4 seconds passing a kid in a hallway eating lunch will likely not have a clue something is amiss or will be headed into his own lunch quickly and not be thinking anything about it. Thee are too many reasons he could be there. That is THIS scenario that I am addressing. You’re talking about wonder, avoidance, eating alone in the cafeteria, switching scouting troops, etc. and then saying by passing a kid in the hallway it is mean spirited. Im saying I’m guessing most kids aren’t even thinking it’s an issue bc the kid could be there for so many alternative but fine reasons (waiting for a teacher, reading quietly, getting extra help, waiting to be picked up, has a headache, prefers quiet, needs to get work done during school hours bc if extra curricular and teacher offered outside his classroom, teacher is arriving every day 2 minutes later to open the classroom, etc). I was a teacher myself and this happened all the time with plenty of good reasons for it. That is wholly different from a kid eating alone in the cafeteria or having no one to buddy up with ever.

Obtuse, indeed.

OP's child is a girl and sits alone every day. It's not just a one-off. It's not mean-spirited to pass the child, but it is unfriendly to notice this every day and then never talk to this girl when you have spanish together later in the day. If this is happening every day, it's the same situation as a child sitting alone in the cafeteria. I don't really understand why they are letting kids sit outside the cafeteria anyway, but let's say they made this child sit inside the cafeteria to eat, what then?

And...again making things up to catorgize people as mean. Kids in middle school often never have any classes with some kids. Stop assuming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re twisting the scenario. This isn’t a kid sitting in the cafeteria alone. This is a kid in the hallway. Im saying that a teen spending 4 seconds passing a kid in a hallway eating lunch will likely not have a clue something is amiss or will be headed into his own lunch quickly and not be thinking anything about it. Thee are too many reasons he could be there. That is THIS scenario that I am addressing. You’re talking about wonder, avoidance, eating alone in the cafeteria, switching scouting troops, etc. and then saying by passing a kid in the hallway it is mean spirited. Im saying I’m guessing most kids aren’t even thinking it’s an issue bc the kid could be there for so many alternative but fine reasons (waiting for a teacher, reading quietly, getting extra help, waiting to be picked up, has a headache, prefers quiet, needs to get work done during school hours bc if extra curricular and teacher offered outside his classroom, teacher is arriving every day 2 minutes later to open the classroom, etc). I was a teacher myself and this happened all the time with plenty of good reasons for it. That is wholly different from a kid eating alone in the cafeteria or having no one to buddy up with ever.

Obtuse, indeed.

OP's child is a girl and sits alone every day. It's not just a one-off. It's not mean-spirited to pass the child, but it is unfriendly to notice this every day and then never talk to this girl when you have spanish together later in the day. If this is happening every day, it's the same situation as a child sitting alone in the cafeteria. I don't really understand why they are letting kids sit outside the cafeteria anyway, but let's say they made this child sit inside the cafeteria to eat, what then?

Anonymous wrote:You’re twisting the scenario. This isn’t a kid sitting in the cafeteria alone. This is a kid in the hallway. Im saying that a teen spending 4 seconds passing a kid in a hallway eating lunch will likely not have a clue something is amiss or will be headed into his own lunch quickly and not be thinking anything about it. Thee are too many reasons he could be there. That is THIS scenario that I am addressing. You’re talking about wonder, avoidance, eating alone in the cafeteria, switching scouting troops, etc. and then saying by passing a kid in the hallway it is mean spirited. Im saying I’m guessing most kids aren’t even thinking it’s an issue bc the kid could be there for so many alternative but fine reasons (waiting for a teacher, reading quietly, getting extra help, waiting to be picked up, has a headache, prefers quiet, needs to get work done during school hours bc if extra curricular and teacher offered outside his classroom, teacher is arriving every day 2 minutes later to open the classroom, etc). I was a teacher myself and this happened all the time with plenty of good reasons for it. That is wholly different from a kid eating alone in the cafeteria or having no one to buddy up with ever.

Obtuse, indeed.