OP's sons meds (insulin)for Type 1 diabetes are not negotiable. He can't skip it on the weekends. Blood sugar goes up one point for every minute without insulin, so in a fairly short period of time, he would end up hospitalized or worse.

OP, why don't you get some therapy for yourself? You really need a listening ear, it will give you support and perhaps some good ideas. Take care of yourself OP.

Anonymous wrote:I was having issues with my 12 year old a couple of weeks ago and wanted to give up. vented. people here advised on punishments, others on rewards. i did both. didn't work. my husband like yours is ALWAYS traveling. i have another much younger child. i'm a working mother and i'm tired. then i kind of just went on strike. and basically my husband had to handle it and he did. for the first time. your husband needs to be given an ultimatum. he needs to step it up. especially with young adolescents. they need their dad. whats the point of all his hard work if your son turns into a train wreck?

also, you need to stop all playdates, take away the phone and video games and just learn to change the wifi passcode so it turns off after a certain time. then you can ease up and reward as behavior improves.

I agree with the above. But, you know your DH and what he is capable of. Is he capable of being emotionally available to your son in a positive way? You do not want to insist on father/son time that is destructive rather than productive. I have learned that when my DH is stressed and overtired it really is best to minimize his time with the kids. He needs to take care of himself through exercise, sleep and meditation before he can engage with kids. If he doesn't do those things, he can cause problems rather than help with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:C's get degrees!

Bullshit.

Maybe a degree to flip a burger or a $15/h job.

PP. Also, there is a big difference between a child that tries really hard and attains a C and a child that refuses to do their work and gets a C. The former will have a decent life. Not the latter. He'll be mooching off his parents and siblings for the rest of his life because he will have a series of dead-end jobs and low self-esteem.

OP, get to the bottom of this now.

Anonymous wrote:C's get degrees!

Bullshit.

Maybe a degree to flip a burger or a $15/h job.

I was having issues with my 12 year old a couple of weeks ago and wanted to give up. vented. people here advised on punishments, others on rewards. i did both. didn't work. my husband like yours is ALWAYS traveling. i have another much younger child. i'm a working mother and i'm tired. then i kind of just went on strike. and basically my husband had to handle it and he did. for the first time. your husband needs to be given an ultimatum. he needs to step it up. especially with young adolescents. they need their dad. whats the point of all his hard work if your son turns into a train wreck?

also, you need to stop all playdates, take away the phone and video games and just learn to change the wifi passcode so it turns off after a certain time. then you can ease up and reward as behavior improves.

OP we are in a similar situation and hang in there, it usually gets better.

The constant looming medical stuff is a huge drag on teen boys who don't want therapy and just want to be left alone.

We have had to let grades slide and deal with the health stuff and a new ADHD diagnosis. If your DS is happy at school, do not change that.

What has worked for us: DH is now driving DS to an activity every weekend. That time is critical for casual talks. Your DH MUST step up and do at least 1 one-on-one activity with your DS weekly. He must make eye contact with him daily either in the AM or PM and give him 1 compliment or + reinforcement.

You can also have a sit down talk with your DS and let him know you're struggling and you believe he is mature and ready to take on more. If it's not the meds(which sounds too risky) figure out something he can take charge of. Bribe/reward for it. Sometimes teens forget our job as a parent is to make sure they are ready for adulthood and sometimes we forget to give them increasing responsibilities and freedoms as they get older. Send him up to visit older sibling at college or a relative etc. There are lots of ways to do this.

I would find out what about the meds make him not want to take them and work on that with dr. Our DS does well on his meds but only wants to take them for school so we do put up with some grumpiness on weekends.

Also, as others mentioned, don't forget to switch it up. The other night DS asked me what I was doing and I gave him some major attitude (in his style and with his language) and he totally cracked up and also got it finally that that is what he dishes out and it's not pretty. It worked.

Also, I drive him to school so we have lots of great times for interesting and salient conversations. Timing is everything with those.

Finally focus on baby steps and give lots of positive reinforcement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be a stay at home mom but if the going gets tough, I really need my husband to make things right.

Work is VERY hard and a stay at home is not. Your life is far easier than you can imagine compared to a real job in the real world.

You clearly have no idea and no basis to judge - if you had a real job and a real life you wouldn’t have free time to insult people on a website. Just because your life is miserable doesn’t mean you have a more real or meaningful life than she does. Everything is the ‘real world’.

I was unaware that only nice thoughts are politically correct. OP has her head up her arse and the sooner that she understands that the better.

Anonymous wrote:I'll be a stay at home mom but if the going gets tough, I really need my husband to make things right.

Work is VERY hard and a stay at home is not. Your life is far easier than you can imagine compared to a real job in the real world.

You clearly have no idea and no basis to judge - if you had a real job and a real life you wouldn’t have free time to insult people on a website. Just because your life is miserable doesn’t mean you have a more real or meaningful life than she does. Everything is the ‘real world’.

What you need to do is relax and let things go. C’s in a private school are not horrible. He likes the school and he actually willingly goes there??
That’s huge. Imagine what it would be like if he wasn’t going there and if he was failing out - then you’d be in real trouble.
He’s a teen, he’s starting to separate from you all while he’s growing and his hormones are on fire and he’s just a mess.
Stick to saying something about things that matter - he’s not out drugging and drinking, right? Is he pretty decent to his siblings?

I’d keep him in the private school because at a public school he’d immediately find a rough crowd to hand out with and then you’d be in for some really bad times.

Let most of his attitude GO.

There is a JDRF technology summit coming up in a few weeks. Your son could check out new technology, and meet other male (and female) teens. There is also a three day ultimate sports camp that takes place in April for Type 1 teens in Maryland - there is usually a booth at this summit.

http://www.jdrf.org/greatercp/events/2018-jdrf-typeonenation-summit/

Anonymous wrote:Omnipod poster again. I don't know how long your son has had diabetes (my daughter was diagnosed at the age of three), however, I can't emphasize enough that this could be playing a really major role with his behavior, mood, etc. Teens struggle with diabetes for many reasons, and the impact of growth hormones, etc. on the ability of insulin to regulate their blood glucose can be very significant. In the past year as my daughter has entered into full blast puberty, her insulin requirements have literally doubled. I suggest you talk to his endocrinologist about a therapist, support group, etc. for teens with diabetes.

Thanks. Yes he was diagnosed much later than that. That’s part of the issue, he knows life, sports etc before Type 1. We’ve tried to send him to camp, support groups etc he refuses. His endocrinologist encourages pump and cgm but she has told us a lot of male teens refuse.

Anonymous wrote:I'll be a stay at home mom but if the going gets tough, I really need my husband to make things right.

Work is VERY hard and a stay at home is not. Your life is far easier than you can imagine compared to a real job in the real world.

This is just mean. I believe both parents need to help raise the kids working or not.

Omnipod poster again. I don't know how long your son has had diabetes (my daughter was diagnosed at the age of three), however, I can't emphasize enough that this could be playing a really major role with his behavior, mood, etc. Teens struggle with diabetes for many reasons, and the impact of growth hormones, etc. on the ability of insulin to regulate their blood glucose can be very significant. In the past year as my daughter has entered into full blast puberty, her insulin requirements have literally doubled. I suggest you talk to his endocrinologist about a therapist, support group, etc. for teens with diabetes.

I'll be a stay at home mom but if the going gets tough, I really need my husband to make things right.

Work is VERY hard and a stay at home is not. Your life is far easier than you can imagine compared to a real job in the real world.