Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

+100
Brutal has no place in a marriage, even if the love is gone, and the fact that OP was so anxious to get this word in the title of the post that she put it in the wrong place is telling.
But by all means OP keep on thinking that you "won".

I didn't win, I very much lost. I am soon to be 34, seriously compromised my career to follow him around on FIVE moves for his career. It will take me years to resurrect my career and I will likely not get to have a family.

Why would you say that? Fertility is an individual thing and your age alone is not enough reason to assume you won't get to have a family. Don't drag your feet getting divorced.

She's 34, has sacrificed career opportunities after making the bad decision to follow around a guy she finds utterly disgusting, embarrassing, selfish, etc.. and has zero prospects at the moment for love. She can only focus on her career now, which means her prospects for family are diminished. She's right, and smart to recognize it. If she takes responsibility for her part and learns from it sooner rather than later, it'll make her a better person and more likely to attract someone appropriate.

It costs 10K to freeze your eggs and $500 year for store. Another 5K each time you attempt to use those eggs. Insurance doesn't cover it, but if you work for Google, Apple, or Facebook, they'll pay for it up to 20K. Given you're going to play catch-up in your life in many ways, this might be your best chance.

Anonymous wrote:I told him the truth - that I don't love him anymore (finally gave up trying to after years of disappointments and our marriage being 100% about his priorities and needs), and that I intend to ultimately leave the marriage. I told him that I would like to arrange my departure at my convenience, and he agreed to in essence be used by me, perhaps out of guilt. It feels wrong and liberating at the same time.

Why would he agree to essentially help increase my net worth over the next year or so knowing that I plan to leave when I feel back on my feet? Has anyone else experienced that before?

OP, what were you hoping to get out of this? You asked why he would do this, a bunch of people made suggestions and you got your nose all out of joint about it because they didn't support the idea that you made a great decision by telling him this. Wouldn't you rather be prepared for the worst than be blindsided?

Remember what The Gambler said. You don't know how to play the game, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

+100
Brutal has no place in a marriage, even if the love is gone, and the fact that OP was so anxious to get this word in the title of the post that she put it in the wrong place is telling.
But by all means OP keep on thinking that you "won".

I didn't win, I very much lost. I am soon to be 34, seriously compromised my career to follow him around on FIVE moves for his career. It will take me years to resurrect my career and I will likely not get to have a family.

Why would you say that? Fertility is an individual thing and your age alone is not enough reason to assume you won't get to have a family. Don't drag your feet getting divorced.

Anonymous wrote:To the OP, never come to DCUM for support regarding relationships. Total hyenas around here. They enjoy hurting you. They are nasty.

OP posted her original question because she recognizes she made a bad chess move and basically wanted to know if others ever recovered from it. She tried to enlist our sympathy by demonizing her dh (another dumb chess move). We're giving her excellent support by telling her to watch her ass, despite finding her deserving of every bad thing coming her way.

I wouldn’t have told him my plan.

My ex wife did this to me. I was devastated and hoped she would stay. Meanwhile she likely knew what she was doing. A few years out I’m doing well. Still feel burned though but I could have followed everyone’s advice to kick her to the curb. I was played for a chump. I do have a hot new girlfriend and make way more money. But still it stings.

The idea that anybody would come to DCUM to get some feedback on a life decision when nobody here knows you or your husband or the actual truth about your relationship is very, very sad. Nothing anybody says is actually relevant under the circumstances. Sorry you are reduced to this. Do you not have any friends or family?

And BTW, saying he got fat and embarrasses you really makes you sound like a total bitch.

To the OP, never come to DCUM for support regarding relationships. Total hyenas around here. They enjoy hurting you. They are nasty.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he opted to give you a false sense of security as he quietly lawyers up and plans his attack?

You blindsided him, so now he will blindside you.

Have fun!

OP ain't getting' no love here. She'll keep coming back, though, ankle-biting with fat-shaming, etc...

OP, please save this entire thread and read it again if (and that's a really big *if*) you can persuade someone else to marry you again. I think you'll find it useful.

*Raising glass* Here's to swiping right.

Maybe he opted to give you a false sense of security as he quietly lawyers up and plans his attack?

You blindsided him, so now he will blindside you.

Have fun!

OP: Posting opens criticism, not just the affirmation you seek. You posted. You chose "fat" and "brutal" and "crushing him." Artist and writers both start with blank canvas. This board fairly understands you're running from your past and not to your future.

You decided. Acted. Now move on. He will rediscover himself and find someone who truly loves him. You live by "score carding" vs. him. Otherwise, you would look forward, not back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

You are a sad, damaged person.

Said the real dumbass who's divorcing because her dh got fat and is an embarrassment to her. So glad you don't have kids now, and so glad you won't have them in the future.

All the best on Tinder!

You have zero idea what you are talking about, and you are also very obviously fat and indignant that other people don't find it appealing.

Millennials aren't supposed to fat-shame. You're supposed to be more woke than that.

The more your reveal your true self, the more amusing this thread becomes.

I revealed my true self in the first paragraph. I have never attempted to hide that I believe it is rude and exploitative to gain significant weight after marriage unless there is an illness involved. However, I eluded to several much larger problems than simply getting fat in this thread. But apparently you got caught up on that one fact. Clearly it struck a nerve. Try to step outside of your own narcissistic bubble for 5 minutes when you are replying to a thread about another person's life.

1. People who're miserably married get fat, but you know that, you've lived with *that fact* and are now facing the consequences of it, despite still taking no responsibility for your part.
2. I'd encourage you to do the same. Might save your marriage, or at least, put you in a position where he's not going to surprise you with some gangsta financial moves.

All the best with that, dummy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

You are a sad, damaged person.

Said the real dumbass who's divorcing because her dh got fat and is an embarrassment to her. So glad you don't have kids now, and so glad you won't have them in the future.

All the best on Tinder!

You have zero idea what you are talking about, and you are also very obviously fat and indignant that other people don't find it appealing.

Millennials aren't supposed to fat-shame. You're supposed to be more woke than that.

The more your reveal your true self, the more amusing this thread becomes.

I revealed my true self in the first paragraph. I have never attempted to hide that I believe it is rude and exploitative to gain significant weight after marriage unless there is an illness involved. However, I eluded to several much larger problems than simply getting fat in this thread. But apparently you got caught up on that one fact. Clearly it struck a nerve. Try to step outside of your own narcissistic bubble for 5 minutes when you are replying to a thread about another person's life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

You are a sad, damaged person.

Said the real dumbass who's divorcing because her dh got fat and is an embarrassment to her. So glad you don't have kids now, and so glad you won't have them in the future.

All the best on Tinder!

You have zero idea what you are talking about, and you are also very obviously fat and indignant that other people don't find it appealing.

Millennials aren't supposed to fat-shame. You're supposed to be more woke than that.

The more your reveal your true self, the more amusing this thread becomes.