Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice.

Let's try again. The OP of that post doesn't plan to cheat though other posters wouldn't see the issue if she did given her circumstances. I wouldn't call wanting to have a sexual relationship with your husband wanting to have your cake and eat it too, it's actually a very reasonable expectation. I'm not a cheater and I'm not manipulative, I'm just not simple minded.

You're right it is a reasonable expectation of your husband. Choosing to face that reality by cheating instead of divorcing is what is unreasonable. It sucks but cheating is not the answer and has the potential to deeply hurt the children and result in a messier and more damaging divorce down the line.

You are still twisting things to smush them into an easy 'seems right but not really if you think about it' frame of mind. I don't think either of us are simple minded actually. You are a skilled manipulator and I can see through it.

Before I started dating my husband, I was a serial cheater for years. I had a sexual addiction. When we started dating and I realized that I truly loved him, I suddenly could not stand the thought of hurting him. I stopped. Just stopped. It took a lot of soul searching and for me, a lot of prayer, but I have not been tempted, have not looked, have not flirted....none of my old habits. I honestly have not felt the urge, I feel complete with him, which is something that I realized I had never felt before. Not everyone can stop. I'm aware of this. It's like quitting a drug. Sex is a drug for some people. That's what it was for me. Now, my addiction is to my husband, and although we've been through a lot together during these years, I have remained completely faithful because I WANT to. He knows all about my past, but he trusts me. I have proven myself to him. He truly is the love of my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

It’s common in this area, yes. Elsewhere probably not

Why would you believe it's only common here?

Because the lack of ethics in people of the DC area is astounding. Like nowhere else I’ve ever been. It’s sad really.

Oh don't be so melancholy. Cheer up, you're not obligated to be married to any of these unethical DC low-life's. And what's even better, you can opt to not give a shit about other people's personal affairs and no one will berate you for having the decency to mind your own business. SMILE!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

It’s common in this area, yes. Elsewhere probably not

Why would you believe it's only common here?

Because the lack of ethics in people of the DC area is astounding. Like nowhere else I’ve ever been. It’s sad really.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

But if you don’t want to screw your husband, and you know sex is an integral part of marriage, why not just tell him to go find it elsewhere? Why set him up to lie to you?

1) why assume that you are responding to a woman?
2) Deciding to lie is a personal choice.

Just wait until you learn that DH has intention of having regular physical intimacy with you and is entirely inflexible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice.

Let's try again. The OP of that post doesn't plan to cheat though other posters wouldn't see the issue if she did given her circumstances. I wouldn't call wanting to have a sexual relationship with your husband wanting to have your cake and eat it too, it's actually a very reasonable expectation. I'm not a cheater and I'm not manipulative, I'm just not simple minded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice.

+1

It's always someone else's fault that they had to resort to cheating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry your husband is cheating on you, OP.

Maybe try working with a therapist to help you see where to place the blame. It’s not randos on the internet.

Therapist don't do that. Further, nobody is in an affair. I'm just pointing out facts. There seems to be a lot of folks on here that think marriage is a game.

It's a lot of folks on here that think marriage is an expense account - you got something to say to them?
It's a lot of folks on here that think marriage is the epicenter of the universe and they have no life as a result - you got any advice for them?

+ F*****CKING 1

It's amazing how this is the only place that if you're faithful - nothing else matters. You are a saint. AND! Cheating and/or extreme abuse is the only legitimate approved reason to divorce if you have kids. Because you know...the kids will die if you divorce.

Must need a lot of oxygen masks up there whilst you flit about the clouds with your angel wings.

Did you think about whether this would happen when you got married? This was a risk and unless the partner is being abusive, you figure it out without being destructive.

There is just no way that you know all of the possible scenarios in which one can slowly crumble and die within the confines of marriage that doesn't include this idea that anything short of extreme abuse can somehow be resolved if you simply tried hard enough. First, it takes two. If the other spouse is not willing to do the work, talk about the issue(s) or even acknowledge that there is a problem - then you are stuck. How can you foresee a future that your spouse would treat you with such disdain or contempt - or even ignore you for YEARS with no remorse.

This board is so funny. The most common question asked is "well didn't your dumb *ss know that about your spouse when you married them you dummy!!" You are supposed to know - at oh 24ish how someone will be when they are 38. As if you have a crystal ball and know the person that your partner grows to be and sinks into in their adulthood. You can think you know someone intimately and all the facets but life happens and all the sudden this is not the person you knew - if you ever did at all.

And you're not allowed to be unhappy, unfulfilled, unwanted and want to divorce if you have kids. You're to tow the line. Until said children are off doing their own adult lives. And maybe you can eek out an apartment on your own at 50 and try to carve out some happiness for yourself before you start complaining about your diabetes.

According to whom? Divorce if you want to divorce. Better then divorcing when your kids are 22 and destroying their vision of their childhood. And better than cheating for years and having it all come out when they're old enough to understand how much of a turd you are.

Amen. It takes so long to know yourself. Women especially are under a lot of pressure to conform. A woman who likes sex and wants to put herself first and dislikes managing the "family" social life? Take two steps back. When I married my sister said that nobody is born a wife. Too true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry your husband is cheating on you, OP.

Maybe try working with a therapist to help you see where to place the blame. It’s not randos on the internet.

Therapist don't do that. Further, nobody is in an affair. I'm just pointing out facts. There seems to be a lot of folks on here that think marriage is a game.

It's a lot of folks on here that think marriage is an expense account - you got something to say to them?
It's a lot of folks on here that think marriage is the epicenter of the universe and they have no life as a result - you got any advice for them?

+ F*****CKING 1

It's amazing how this is the only place that if you're faithful - nothing else matters. You are a saint. AND! Cheating and/or extreme abuse is the only legitimate approved reason to divorce if you have kids. Because you know...the kids will die if you divorce.

Must need a lot of oxygen masks up there whilst you flit about the clouds with your angel wings.

Did you think about whether this would happen when you got married? This was a risk and unless the partner is being abusive, you figure it out without being destructive.

There is just no way that you know all of the possible scenarios in which one can slowly crumble and die within the confines of marriage that doesn't include this idea that anything short of extreme abuse can somehow be resolved if you simply tried hard enough. First, it takes two. If the other spouse is not willing to do the work, talk about the issue(s) or even acknowledge that there is a problem - then you are stuck. How can you foresee a future that your spouse would treat you with such disdain or contempt - or even ignore you for YEARS with no remorse.

This board is so funny. The most common question asked is "well didn't your dumb *ss know that about your spouse when you married them you dummy!!" You are supposed to know - at oh 24ish how someone will be when they are 38. As if you have a crystal ball and know the person that your partner grows to be and sinks into in their adulthood. You can think you know someone intimately and all the facets but life happens and all the sudden this is not the person you knew - if you ever did at all.

And you're not allowed to be unhappy, unfulfilled, unwanted and want to divorce if you have kids. You're to tow the line. Until said children are off doing their own adult lives. And maybe you can eek out an apartment on your own at 50 and try to carve out some happiness for yourself before you start complaining about your diabetes.

As a lifelong attention seeker I suspect that cheating is about validation -- primarily sexual but often emotional. We feel worthless, our spouses can't/won't provide validation. In our desperation we are selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

It’s common in this area, yes. Elsewhere probably not

Why would you believe it's only common here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.