Anonymous wrote:If a group of girlfriends gets together to celebrate one of their birthdays, then splitting the check and paying for the birthday girl is expected.

If the birthday girl or spouse sends out invitations to a bunch of couples to celebrate her birthday, then it is expected that they -- the person on the invite-- is paying. That's what it means to be a host.

This. It's one thing if everyone in the group decides to treat the birthday person to dinner. But if the birthday person or their spouse issues the invitations, then they should pay.

Yes, it is a thing...among the shameless.

My sister's mother in law does it all the time. Invites my sister, her husband, and others to her birthday dinner at a restaurant and then goes MIA when the check comes. Verbatim for other special events. Consisttent pattern of inviting a group of people/guests to attend an event, and then sitting back expecting/forcing everyone else to pay the entire bill. I know because I have had the pleasure of being invited/subjected to some of these charges.

It is super cheap. Like the article said-- people should do what they can afford to pay and not drag others into it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. When our daughter was married we hosted a beautiful, expensive wedding. We are not wealthy and we only have one daughter and it was our choice to have a beautiful wedding
The guy she married had a home in the location where the wedding was. It was a beautiful beach location but for us, it was a destination wedding. As I said, the cost was huge.
I hosted, and paid for, the bridal shower.
The grooms mother offered to host a brunch the day after the wedding at her home (we were in a rental). She expected us to pay for our guests and told me the cost, per head. They have plenty of money (much more than us!). She was planning a buffet. I was shocked....and did not go!
I think people like this are either ignorant or mean.

Why would she offer to host it and expect you to pay for all the guests? A brunch no less.

That is the height of rude. I hope someday your Son in Law apologizes for her.

I'm glad she didn't go! And apparently didn't have to pay either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s, there were plenty of "big group of friends getting together to celebrate a birthday party, everyone pays for themselves and chips in for the birthday girl" type of events. They've dwindled over time and now usually the host pays.

It rubbed me the wrong way (and I posted here... I wonder if I can dig it up) a couple years ago a friend sent an evite to invite people to her DH's 40th at a chinese restaurant. They sent a follow-up email telling people they were ordering in advance and how much it would be per person. I guess it was good that we were warned but I found it to be in really poor taste.

We got an invite from a friend's wife a few years back for his 30th. It was at a restaurant/bar. When we arrived it was immediately clear that she wasn't actually hosting anything. It was very off-putting to be invited to a supposed birthday party, but it was all pay your own way.

I'm hosting a milestone anniversary party for my parents this year and I would never dream of charging the guests. I'm even running a tab on the bar in case we have folks who don't care for what's included in the wine/beer package that is associated with the per person head cost. (Which I thought a better choice than upping my per person cost to include well-drinks, yuck.)

Wait so a bunch of people went out drinking at a bar and you thought the birthday girl would pay for everyone?

The wife sent an invite for her husbands 30th birthday party at x place at x time. It was an invite for a party, not a "let's grab drinks to celebrate his birthday" email/text. And yes, if someone issues an invite to a party, I'd at least expect them to provide a drink or something!

You're right. They were suppose to reserve enough tables and pay for the food or at least drinks and appetizers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. When our daughter was married we hosted a beautiful, expensive wedding. We are not wealthy and we only have one daughter and it was our choice to have a beautiful wedding
The guy she married had a home in the location where the wedding was. It was a beautiful beach location but for us, it was a destination wedding. As I said, the cost was huge.
I hosted, and paid for, the bridal shower.
The grooms mother offered to host a brunch the day after the wedding at her home (we were in a rental). She expected us to pay for our guests and told me the cost, per head. They have plenty of money (much more than us!). She was planning a buffet. I was shocked....and did not go!
I think people like this are either ignorant or mean.

Why would she offer to host it and expect you to pay for all the guests? A brunch no less.

That is the height of rude. I hope someday your Son in Law apologizes for her.

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. When our daughter was married we hosted a beautiful, expensive wedding. We are not wealthy and we only have one daughter and it was our choice to have a beautiful wedding
The guy she married had a home in the location where the wedding was. It was a beautiful beach location but for us, it was a destination wedding. As I said, the cost was huge.
I hosted, and paid for, the bridal shower.
The grooms mother offered to host a brunch the day after the wedding at her home (we were in a rental). She expected us to pay for our guests and told me the cost, per head. They have plenty of money (much more than us!). She was planning a buffet. I was shocked....and did not go!
I think people like this are either ignorant or mean.

Why would she offer to host it and expect you to pay for all the guests? A brunch no less.

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s, there were plenty of "big group of friends getting together to celebrate a birthday party, everyone pays for themselves and chips in for the birthday girl" type of events. They've dwindled over time and now usually the host pays.

It rubbed me the wrong way (and I posted here... I wonder if I can dig it up) a couple years ago a friend sent an evite to invite people to her DH's 40th at a chinese restaurant. They sent a follow-up email telling people they were ordering in advance and how much it would be per person. I guess it was good that we were warned but I found it to be in really poor taste.

lol That was very tacky, they should have paid for the entire thing.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like the kind of awkward situation I once found myself in when I was about 25 and invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. I went fully prepared to pay for myself and chip in for the guest of honor, but some people didn’t realize that they might be expected to pay and left without doing so. Others refused to pay for the guests who left. It was awful, truly awful.

I’m so glad that my social circle now is composed of people who pay for the celebrations that they host. Potlucks are fine, and celebrations hosted by a group are fine. Inviting people to a celebration and expecting them to pay for it is not fine.

Exactly. This is much better and a little more civilized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s, there were plenty of "big group of friends getting together to celebrate a birthday party, everyone pays for themselves and chips in for the birthday girl" type of events. They've dwindled over time and now usually the host pays.

It rubbed me the wrong way (and I posted here... I wonder if I can dig it up) a couple years ago a friend sent an evite to invite people to her DH's 40th at a chinese restaurant. They sent a follow-up email telling people they were ordering in advance and how much it would be per person. I guess it was good that we were warned but I found it to be in really poor taste.

We got an invite from a friend's wife a few years back for his 30th. It was at a restaurant/bar. When we arrived it was immediately clear that she wasn't actually hosting anything. It was very off-putting to be invited to a supposed birthday party, but it was all pay your own way.

I'm hosting a milestone anniversary party for my parents this year and I would never dream of charging the guests. I'm even running a tab on the bar in case we have folks who don't care for what's included in the wine/beer package that is associated with the per person head cost. (Which I thought a better choice than upping my per person cost to include well-drinks, yuck.)

Wait so a bunch of people went out drinking at a bar and you thought the birthday girl would pay for everyone?

The wife sent an invite for her husbands 30th birthday party at x place at x time. It was an invite for a party, not a "let's grab drinks to celebrate his birthday" email/text. And yes, if someone issues an invite to a party, I'd at least expect them to provide a drink or something!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s, there were plenty of "big group of friends getting together to celebrate a birthday party, everyone pays for themselves and chips in for the birthday girl" type of events. They've dwindled over time and now usually the host pays.

It rubbed me the wrong way (and I posted here... I wonder if I can dig it up) a couple years ago a friend sent an evite to invite people to her DH's 40th at a chinese restaurant. They sent a follow-up email telling people they were ordering in advance and how much it would be per person. I guess it was good that we were warned but I found it to be in really poor taste.

We got an invite from a friend's wife a few years back for his 30th. It was at a restaurant/bar. When we arrived it was immediately clear that she wasn't actually hosting anything. It was very off-putting to be invited to a supposed birthday party, but it was all pay your own way.

I'm hosting a milestone anniversary party for my parents this year and I would never dream of charging the guests. I'm even running a tab on the bar in case we have folks who don't care for what's included in the wine/beer package that is associated with the per person head cost. (Which I thought a better choice than upping my per person cost to include well-drinks, yuck.)

Wait so a bunch of people went out drinking at a bar and you thought the birthday girl would pay for everyone?

I hate showing up to a restaurant having been invited by someone else to celebrate something--only to discover that there's an unspoken assumption that everyone else is going to pay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never happened to me. Maybe I don't get invited to enough events. LOL.

"I’m standing up for all guests who are tired of this trend. Call it my #guestsdontpay protest."

From Washington Post:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/get-there/wp/2018/01/30/stop-charging-me-to-attend-your-celebrations-guestsdontpay/

This is standard to pay for your meal and split the birthday person's meal in my social circle. I am happy to be included and have no issue paying for my meal plus the birthday celebrants.

Same here. If I'm invited to a restaurant for a birthday with a group (not just like us an another couple), I assume everyone pays their own way and chips in for the birthday person.

Then again, I don't get invited out a lot, so it's not a big dent in my overall annual spending.

If it's a group outing without a formal invitation, I too assume I'm paying. BUT I've received formal invitations for birthdays in restaurants where we were surprised with a bill at the end. One was a 40th bday with a set menu, wine, cocktails. Totally set up like a formal sit down party. At the end we were all given a bill. It was really tacky. If I'm paying then at least give me a menu so I can order what I want. Another one I went to, I was also sent a formal invitation to a restaurant OWNED by the hosts....and we still all received a bill at the end of the meal. I'm all for everyone getting together at a restaurant. But those invites are usually over email or text. So I always assume it's going to be split. But if you've sent out an invitation, planned the menu so I have no choice of what I would like to eat, then you need to step up and be the host 100%.