Anonymous wrote:Find some porn with things you enjoy (or want him to try) and play it for him.

Anonymous wrote:If the sex is pretty vanilla do something about it! Start by going down on him and do some near anal play. Once I started doing this to my DH he reciprocated and we continue to find fun new things to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. No solutions but I have the exact same problem. I have talked to DH and he tried for two days but then it went back to normal. The "touch him the way you want to be touched" theory hasn't worked out, for me. I always initiate and he has complained when I was coy about initiating -- "Let's go to bed" instead of "Let's have sex now." I don't know, I'm stuck.

Husband here- what I wouldn't give for DW to surprise in the shower. pinch my butt as I walk past her, have her meet me at the door wearing nothing but a smile...

Anonymous wrote:I've been struggling more and more with an issue in my marriage related to intimacy. I'm going to keep this non-explicit, as it is more about the relationship and less about sexual details. We've been married for ten years and have an adequate sex life in terms of frequency (usually 1-2 times a week) and physical satisfaction. This has gone through normal periods of waning due to having babies, sickness, etc. but has always bounced back. However, I just feel like there is a lack of passion and intimacy - meaning, things feel good and work well when we're actually in the act, but there is not much sexuality between us outside of the bedroom. I would love a suggestive whisper or text, positive comment on my appearance or body, etc. to stoke the fire, so to speak. Basically, I want to feel desired. We essentially have our routine - sex is almost exclusively on the weekends, after we hang out together after the kids are in bed, drink wine, order take out. It's just assumed it will happen, and sometimes we're tired and it's getting late so it almost feels like duty sex or just keeping things going. I would love greater frequency, more spontaneity, actually being pursued or feeling desirable in some way. Half the time I go upstairs to change for bed and he's fallen asleep on the couch, so I have to wake him up for us to have sex. It's really just quite frankly a turn off for me. I would love for him to be a bit more aggressive and dominant sexually (not in a weird S&M way), and just show a little more passion for me all around. I think he is very guarded and kind of shy about sexuality in general - we do have good sex but it's usually the same basic foreplay routine, one or two out of a handful of positions, and done. We both end up satisfied, but I would love to mix things up a bit. Nothing crazy, just trying something new every once in a while. He never talks about sex and has been very closed off when I've tried to get him to discuss fantasies, etc. We have never explored sexting, talking dirty, or anything of that nature, and I can't imagine he would be comfortable with any of that. We have never even showered together, and he doesn't seem interested.

Otherwise, our relationship is very good, we are great partners and I honestly love him very much. He's a wonderful husband and father, and we are both still physically attracted to each other. I'm just desperate for more intensity and passion in the sexual part of our relationship. I'm in my mid-thirties, we're done having kids, and I'm realizing I want to enjoy what's left of my prime years of sexuality with the man I love the most. I do find myself fantasizing about other men I see out in the world occasionally, which I have rarely done in the past, and I think it's due to the lack I'm feeling in our sex life. These are simply fantasies - I would never, ever go outside my marriage. I just have no idea how to discuss all this with DH in a way that won't hurt him or make him feel defensive or inadequate. Plus I feel kind of embarrassed to disucuss it myself. I don't know how to start the conversation. Any advice?

Anonymous wrote:Next time you’re watching tv on the couch and drinking your wine, undo his pants and start rubbing. Move on to your mouth. Suggest you take it upstairs and take your clothes off along the way. Lay down on the bed facing him and see what he does.

Sometimes people just need a little encouragement to get going. I used to think it was up to my DH to get things started and now we’re about 50/50 on who makes the first move.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. No solutions but I have the exact same problem. I have talked to DH and he tried for two days but then it went back to normal. The "touch him the way you want to be touched" theory hasn't worked out, for me. I always initiate and he has complained when I was coy about initiating -- "Let's go to bed" instead of "Let's have sex now." I don't know, I'm stuck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Text him an unsolicited photo of your boobs, or your butt, or legs if that's what he likes. Send with no message, or just a brief flirty message like, we miss you. Or, can't wait until tonight or...whatever. This shouldn't be difficult. Men are visual creatures.

This is so unbelievably desperate. If you’re already initiating and then sexting on top of that, you’re basically having a sexual relationship with yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re asking to much. He sounds sweet! Most women would love any intimacy at all after a quiet evening at home. Life isn’t a romance novel. Be grateful you have a faithful sweet guy and great dad with a decent sec life. Men don’t respond to talking more than once or twice so just drop that. Look hot and be enthusiastic about sex whenever the time is right.
I never initiate with my DH for what it’s worth, I prefer when he’s the tiger, so maybe cut back on that. It can be emasculating if it’s persistent.

Not OP but the issue it seems is that her DH does not initiate. She would also prefer him to be the tiger.

OP, I'm in a similar boat. I just think DH is wired differently, sexually, and more closed off/prudish. We've discussed it and he's admitted it but it hasn't fundamentally changed things. One thing is that I've stopped expecting him to do a lot of that stuff. I take things into my own hands, so to speak. I wish there were more passion, but there is at least satisfaction.

My point is cutting back on initiating might make him more of a tiger. If it’s just not there for him then that’s another story all together.

Anonymous wrote:

You’re asking to much. He sounds sweet! Most women would love any intimacy at all after a quiet evening at home. Life isn’t a romance novel. Be grateful you have a faithful sweet guy and great dad with a decent sec life. Men don’t respond to talking more than once or twice so just drop that. Look hot and be enthusiastic about sex whenever the time is right.
I never initiate with my DH for what it’s worth, I prefer when he’s the tiger, so maybe cut back on that. It can be emasculating if it’s persistent.

Not OP but the issue it seems is that her DH does not initiate. She would also prefer him to be the tiger.

OP, I'm in a similar boat. I just think DH is wired differently, sexually, and more closed off/prudish. We've discussed it and he's admitted it but it hasn't fundamentally changed things. One thing is that I've stopped expecting him to do a lot of that stuff. I take things into my own hands, so to speak. I wish there were more passion, but there is at least satisfaction.